could i have more time today, please?

Posted on March 11, 2014 by Dee Clark

today was one of those days that i wished i could cram a few more hours into the day. i contemplated my list of things “to do”; laundry, floors, gardens, business emails, and paperwork.

however, the sun was shining today. that hasn’t happened very often this summer (and now autumn has begun). i imagined that long walk that i keep putting off because the weather has been crook. i also wanted to visit some of my fellow bloggers and meander through their posts. i was yearning to write as well. although, i am still learning i have found a passion ignited deep inside of me for sitting with my thoughts and then getting them down. i have women that i am sharing some of my life experiences with and so my thoughts and prayers were lingering with them as well. i needed more time today if i had any chance of getting it all accomplished.

more time in my day was not available. i decided to grab one more cup of coffee and stroll down the halls of the blogosphere. along the way, i visited miss managing. i find her photographs intriguing since i am a budding photographer (ok, i’m a wanna-be but photography and my camera make me happy). she posted a video entitled 10 reasons you should never get a job by Ralph Smart. although, his approach is so much different than mine, he made a couple of good points about working for yourself…one, when you work for yourself you are not trapped by a time clock and secondly, that you also have the freedom to form your day anyway you like.

he had a point…it was a rather good point at that. i do not have the constraints i once had on my 9 to 5 job (cough, cough…because it was never just 9 to 5). i am blessed to have the flexibility to make this day go in any direction. i dusted off my tennis shoes because i was going to actually start that daily 3k walk that i had procrastinated for far too long. while i was at it, the camera might as well be my companion.

the sea air hit my nostrils and it was a perfect time to take a few deep breaths. i could feel anxiety waft away with every exhale. i was ready. the first thing i noticed was the harbour was alive with boats this morning…coming in…and going out.

the oyster boats were coming in with their catches and the ferry was heading to Stewart Island to deliver tourists.

the birds were as happy as i was that the sun was shining…fluttering and singing away…they seemed cheerful which made me smile.

the last of the season’s flowers were beginning to show signs that autumn was appearing but final blooms were bursting forth as if to kiss the sun a few final times.

the horizon was not obstructed by clouds or fog today so even the distant light house was in full view.

a varied from my path for a few moments of rock time and watch the water glisten and splash…

and focused on the small plants living beneath the clear water.

and, yes, i stared at the deep blue water hoping that i might catch a glimpse of a passing whale…but not today…that dream lives on in my heart destined for another time.

i reached my turn around point and headed back home. as i walked, Marv and Ann were just arriving at their home. i planned to give a cheerful, “good’ay” (it’s the one kiwi saying i take most pleasure in attempting to copy). he spoke first, “are you a local?” “i am now”, i replied. we chattered away for several minutes and just as i thought we were completing the conversation, Marv asks, “would you like a cup of tea?” this is where i am always jolted back into the reality that i am an american in a differing culture. i always considered my family to be hospitable but when a totals stranger whom i have met only moments before invites me into their home from off the street…i never ceased to feel anything but amazement. i accepted the invitation. we shared an hour sipping a cup of tea while Marv and Ann gave me some history on Bluff (after all, Marv has lived in Bluff for 80 years) and the Mutton Bird Islands. in his younger days, Marv was an oysterman which was fascinating since my husband and i now farm oysters.

the clam shells from Fiji in Ann’s garden sparked more conversation and Ann gave me a tour of her beautiful gardens.

i headed back home with a song in my heart…i did a bit of reading to start my morning, i enjoyed my walk, i met new friends, i snapped a few photographs, sat on a rock listening to the waves crash in, and now i am back home putting a few of my thoughts down…

and it’s still early afternoon…

i might not need added hours in this day…

i think i’m on a pretty good roll!

i certainly hope that you are enjoying your day as well.

the beach: the cure for almost anything

Posted on February 25, 2014 by Dee Clark

close your eyes and just picture it.

how does that feel?

now, open your eyes and carry that feeling with you for the rest of the day.

it’s not about location

it’s about releasing it all…like you just did for that moment…

make it a worry free, care free kind of day!

be better

Posted on February 23, 2014 by Dee Clark

when my daughter joined the local swim team, it was easy to become discouraged. there were children who had been swimming for several years longer than she and they had more developed skills. often, her coach would encourage her not to strive to be better than her team mate but to continue to work to beat her own swim time. with each length of the pool that she would swim, he wanted her to just shave a few seconds off the time. by doing so she would take the pressure off herself to be “better than or the best” and her skills would develop, she would get stronger as a swimmer and her swim time would get better.

pretty fun to stand at the end of the lane and cheer her on as she won…last place…next time, fourth place…and then second place…and on.

the pressure of expectation can have negative impacts on our ability to achieve our highest potential.

it’s not in striving for perfection…it’s in the process -giving our best every time so that with each step we become better than we were.

have a day or a result you aren’t happy with?

there’s always tomorrow…

let me brighten your day

Posted on February 23, 2014 by Dee Clark

i have described myself as “romantic” about having a garden. not “a romantic” but “romantic” which to me means that i love the idea but not the work, bugs or weeds. sigh. i’m not known for a green thumb.

the little cottage that we’ve moved into came with a couple of small gardens containing lilies, roses, red-hot fire pokers and something i haven’t identified as yet. although i’ve never had much success growing things, i find my heart responds to the beauty of the flowers in my little gardens.

flowers have appositive effect on our well being and can even alleviate feelings of anxiety and depression.

how does alleviating a little anxiety or negative emotions and bringing a lift to your day sound?

flowers are a great way to express and enjoy a diverse range of emotions.

i can’t send all of you flowers but i thought i’d share a little virtual bouquet with you today…

red:bright…intensity…passion ignited…excitement…love…warmth…redemption…comfort…faithfulness

yellow:cheerfulness…sunshine…adoration…friendship…i’ll try harder…joy…pleasantness

white:reverence…light…goodness…purity…safety…simplicity…successful beginnings…faith

peach:contentment…warmth…happiness…gratitude…soothing

pink:calmness…taste of sweetness…appreciation…coolness…tranquility…grace…hope

orange:flames of desire…enthusiasm…fascination…energy… happiness…creativity… determination…attraction…success…encouragement…stimulation

purple:love at first sight…enchantment…nostalgia…power…nobility…luxury…ambition…extravagance…wisdom…dignity…independence…creativity…mystery

one of the simplest ways to improve emotional health and wellbeing – flower. besides exercise and other personal lifestyle changes as stress relief, one can use flowers as a way to feel better and more relaxed.

flowers trigger uplifting emotions and enhance good feelings such as life satisfaction.

most people position their floral arrangements in highly visible places such as the living and dining rooms, and in hallways and entrance halls. meaning, flowers are placed in areas that say, “visitors are welcome.”

there’s no two ways about it, there’s no reason why we should let stress get the better of us. surround yourself and your loved ones with flowers, and see the difference for yourself.

2 keys to dealing with confronting communications

Posted on January 19, 2014 by Dee Clark

a gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles tempers. -Proverbs

good communication is an important foundation for strong relationships.

communication breakdowns occur when strong, negative emotions overshadow the message. as women, we can be very passionate when we feel strongly about an issue.

there is a temptation to release the tension caused by angry emotions by yelling, slamming doors or other outbursts. however, an angry approach adds fuel to the fire. the emotion then becomes the focus. the message you are trying to communicate can become diminished or misunderstood. as a result nothing positive is achieved.

expressing emotion is an important part of communication as well. the key is to communicate them so that you can move past them, not fuel them.

when we find ourselves in a confrontation, it’s important to remember these 2 things:

an answer should be given – the injured person should not wrap himself in sullen silence
and that answer should be gentle

gentleness can be firm without being harsh.

i was visiting my daughter the other day and my grandchildren wanted to tell me about a conflict they had with each other.

each was passionate about their position. the end result of the conflict was not very good, even from their young perspectives.

it caused me to realise how important it is to teach children to communicate what they are feeling, communicate their feelings, value each person’s feelings, respect another person’s boundaries, forgive and move on.

so, we practiced.

at first, neither wanted to participate. i had to respect that.

within a few minutes, my granddaughter agreed and decided she did want to practice what she should do.

as she and i began to practice how to communicate, my grandson decided that he would practice as well…because it meant that he would be heard.

by the end of the exercise, they had practiced communicating to the their sibling what they wanted to say, asking for forgiveness, and giving forgiveness.

life skills are not caught…they are taught.

when we are given the appropriate tools, we have a better chance at being successful.

and we all want to be successful at whatever we attempt to do.

conflicts are difficult. they can be painful but they are not impossible to resolve.

good communication skills can help us to focus on the issue and not become side tracked.

you don’t have to remain silent if the issue is important to your heart.

your response can either help or prevent a successful outcome.

the choice is fully yours to make.

anger will ignite an unsuccessful outcome and gentleness will defuse the situation.

The World Needs Heroes and Leaders

Posted on December 6, 2013 by Dee Clark

i woke to the sad news today that Nelson Mandela had passed away.

what a sad loss for earth.

i realize that this year many a hero has left their earthly home…whether a world reknown hero or a less well known but family or friend kind of hero.

our heart aches at the loss of those we love and those who have touched the world with their specialness.

as i thought about Nelson Mandela and all that he accomplished, it made me think of how easy it can be to sit back in comfort knowing that someone else is changing the world for the better.

however, the world needs heroes and leaders. hearts need someone to rely on, to help, to encourage, to strengthen…

i suppose as we loose and miss the great ones…it’s our turn to step up…

to do our part…

to be…

and live…

in small and great ways…

that make a difference to the world.

i give honor to the life that Nelson Mandela lived, i pray for comfort for his family, and pray he rest in peace (he’s earned it!)

Now…

it’s your turn!

and mine.
D

Be the light in the darkness

Posted on October 26, 2013 by Dee Clark

do you remember, as a kid, lying in bed and shaking in your boots because the room was pitch black?

if mom or dad would come in and turn in the light…all was well!

even a small night light would dispel the darkness to settle the fright.

well, sometimes, the world looks dark and frightening.

but there is Light!

if that Light shines brightly from your heart…

darkness, fear and panic can not remain.

let the Light shine!

5 reasons silence is effective

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Dee Clark

sometimes, there is just no better solution than silence.

i have found silence to be a very effective tool in my little life toolbox. life skills are valuable and i would categorize this under healthy boundaries.

this one was hard for me to learn since early on in my life i determined in my heart that i would have my say. i thought it was a safety net. instead, often, it was a hole in my bucket. it often caused things to get worse.

of all the subjects to be discussed, proverbs gives many keys of wisdom on the mouth, the words we speak, and how we speak them. it is strange to my mind that not saying anything all can be more effective than saying everything i think at the time.

i have learned that it truly is an effective boundary and more times than not…it works.

reasons why silence is so effective:
1. i am not always right. shock horror! yet true. what works for me will not always work for someone else’s life. each person has their own journey. allowing them to make that journey the best way they can is important.

2. sometimes, people just need someone to listen. i’m a fixer. not everything has to be fixed. there are times when only a listening ear is necessary.

3. the timing is all wrong for what someone needs to hear. maybe someone who trusts me needs
accountability. however, a heart must feel safe, be open and ready to hear. if the timing is wrong i could make matters worse.

4. the person already knows. they may be looking for agreement for a wrong position. i don’t have to give my agreement but i don’t have to spell it out for them either. they already know what to do. giving them time to work it out can be more effective than pushing them.

5. the situation may be too volatile or ridiculous. i used to wonder why grandmothers would shake their head and walk away…there is a good reason. you just can’t put a workable solution into words. my husband is the king of off the wall comments…silliness. i have found myself shaking my head and walking away! he then comes out with, “that’s a pretty silly thing to say, eh?” then I can give it a, “um, yeah!” done. it works for anger as well. although listening to a rant is not easy, my boundary is “if you communicate in a responsible way, i will participate in the conversation. if not, i will be silent until you can.” conflicts are many times fewer than ever. it works with children, too. i tell my grandchildren that when they are ready to calm down we can talk…until then I won’t be talking to them.

there is something about our human nature that does not like to feel like we are being ignored.

i have a sister who is 13 years younger than i am. when she was a toddler and annoying (at least to a teenager), i would tell my other teenage sister to “i-g-n-o-r-e her” and my baby sister would yell, “don’t ik-nore me!”

although, what i am talking about is different than ignoring someone, silence is more effective and gets someone’s attention much better than lectures, nagging, or being pushy. i am talking about using wisdom verses manipulation. you will know the difference! it is often very clear where silence is best served and effective.

there are times when i do not stand in silence: bullying, abuse, and matters of safety. still, wisdom can be applied…maybe fewer words or the proper authority can do the speaking. at any rate, the key is to use wisdom and not go to extremes at one end or the other…you don’t want to say too much but you don’t want to be totally silent either.

have you ever asked yourself, “why did i say?” Or have you said, ” i’m always putting my foot in my mouth”?

if so, you might want to develop a healthy boundary that allows you the ability to sometimes, say nothing at all.

give it a try. practice. see if it works for you like it has for me.

for help, check out the wisdom found in proverbs.

when learning this life skill, i would do word fasts. i would fast (or cut out) all unnecessary words as a way to develop the discipline.

there are many effective ways to practice.

silence truly is powerful!

how success is connected to stewardship

Posted on October 3, 2013 by Dee Clark

“the one who is faithful with little is also faithful with much, and the one who is dishonest with little is also dishonest with much…if you haven’t been faithful with someone else’s property, who will give you your own?”

Jesus told a story about a manager who was wasting a rich man’s estate. he was about to get fired. he didn’t want to do a labouring job and was too proud to beg for a living. he decided to be clever. he brought the people who owed the rich man money and made a deal with them so that they would take pity on him (and owe him a favor) when he got fired. he was hoping they would take him in. he asked them to rewrite their contracts for less than what was owed. kind of sounds like some dealings that go on in the world today. there really is nothing new under the sun.

at the end of the story…we are told this fact…anyone who is faithful with a little- will be faithful with a lot. anyone who is dishonest with even a little, will be dishonest in larger dealings as well.

it is very easy to become disgruntled in the work place. be very careful…because as we know, where our thoughts go…actions follow. actions like discontentment, gossip, bad attitudes and if left unchecked…clever thinking…taking advantage in ways that cause us to be dishonest.

a person begins to feel untitled to waste time, make adjustments here and there…and some have been led to fraud of varying degrees. it’s dangerous to become so familiar and allow an attitude of entitlement to take hold.

the life key here is: if you can’t be trusted with what belongs to someone else…your success, goals and desire for your own property is at risk.

kind of a what goes around comes around kind of thing again…a reaping what you sow…another of those laws like natural laws that are at work bringing results good or not so good.

i am thinking about this today because i have been working all week on the house we are renting. this home is not my own. however, the person who bought it with their hard earned money, have honored me with the opportunity to use it. it is not mine…yet, the life skill i have just mentioned requires me to honor this property as if it were my own. my parents also taught me that if i use, rent or borrow something, to leave it better than when i found it. that way, there will be no conflict, when i have a need in the future or make a future request, i can be trusted again..

i want to build another home in the future…but for now, i must be faithful and show good stewardship over something that belongs to someone else. i show respect for what i have been given to manage. my success depends on it.

if you are entrusted with another person’s property…be faithful with it. practice good stewardship and you will see benefits in other areas of your life. you really will. it will cost you but the person who owns the property whether a car, tool, business, home, etc. paid a price, as well, and their willingness to share is a great privilege. as you practice good stewardship, you learn to care for what you desire to own in the future…which is good economics.

what better way to say thank you. what a great way to turn things around for yourself so that you might just become the lender in your future.

life really is about relationships and there is a wealth of wisdom that can improve them and your life over all.

your success truly is connected to your stewardship.

my pathway always leads home

Posted on October 3, 2013 by Dee Clark

this is my morning project.

the sun is shining so it’s a great day to be outdoors.

there was a big mud hole we had to walk through every time we can through so I used some pallets to make a walk way.

i lined the path with my river stones…remember, the ones I collected while on holiday last December? i used them to remind me (as a memorial) of all i’ve been through since i came to NZ and how everytime, God made a way through.

now, they line my pathway…reminding me my journey is not complete and there is always a pathway home!

have an awesome day, everyone!

i hope the sun is shining in your heart!
D