test your anger coping skills

deeclarknz.comyou might be wondering why i am committing so much time on the subject of anger this past week.

the reason is that i place a high value on peace in my life. i believe that i need to guard my heart against anything that might diminish or steal the level of peace that i require for a healthy existence.

there are many things that can affect peace; anger has a big impact along with guilt, stress, and conflict, to name a few.

therefore, i like to do a self assessment from time to time. i liken it to having a yearly physical or mammogram in order to be assured that things are functioning like they should be. as with my physical well-being, preventive maintenance is the best medicine.

i have a life plan and a value system that i use to guide my decisions and monitor my behaviours (i’ll list a few below):
1. there are socially acceptable behaviours and codes of conduct.
2. there are good manners
3. the 10 commandments
4. the wisdom given in the Proverbs
5. the law of love as outlined in Ephesians
6. and others

i use these as a road map along my journey. i deem them a valuable compass for guiding me along the pathway.

in addition, i have a bit of a mental checklist. when dealing with anger, i have learned to ask myself ,”will this matter to me or will i even remember this in five years?” it slows me down enough to prevent rash reactions. if the answer is “yes”, i can pursue the issue. if the answer is “no”, i can applied some anger management skills.

since i have been on the subject, i decided that i would give myself a little check up. i’ve been pretty happy with the way i have been managing anger but i thought it wouldn’t hurt to do a simple assessment.

i went to the Psychology Today website and took their anger management test. it consists of 10 questions and only took 5 minutes to complete. it is only a simple gauge to assess if there might be an need for adjustments in managing this emotion.

my overall score was low indicating that i am rather skilled at coping with potentially angering situations. however, i was cautioned to make sure that i am coping well rather than suppressing anger.

i was pleased with this result and it was in line with my own internal assessment of how things are going. after all, if there is a problem, i usually know there is a problem without having it pointed out to me; unlike my physical condition -where there might be a symptom-free problem present.

if there is an anger problem- i know it…and so do those around me. i tend to become edgy, agitated or annoyed at minor situations. there was a time when i wasn’t managing this emotion very well that i often felt like a ticking time bomb. the indicators are present and signal that a problem exists. the reasons vary; again, stress, unresolved issues, frustration or misunderstanding can be triggers.

i encourage you to take the test. it is easy to do. keeping a pulse on your emotion well-being is very beneficial. if adjustments are required, it is much easier to handle when it’s a small issue rather than letting it become a bigger problem.

maintaining peace will make your journey much easier to travel.

my wish is that your heart be filled with peace,

the beach: the cure for almost anything

20140225-001702.jpgclose your eyes and just picture it.

how does that feel?

now, open your eyes and carry that feeling with you for the rest of the day.

it’s not about location

it’s about releasing it all…like you just did for that moment…

make it a worry free, care free kind of day!


One Way Peace Is Lost

20131022-204517.jpghow valuable is peace?







nothing missing, nothing broken

i value peace highly in my life.

i used to trade it at the drop of a hat…

not any more.

i need tranquility more than i need to be right.

i need calmness more than i need my way.

i need stillness more than i need to give way to my angry feelings.

i want lasting relationship more than i want strife.

a consistent atmosphere of peace requires preparation.

you must prepare your heart and mind.

you must prepare yourself with the proper tools; wisdom, Truth and commitment.

no matter what you face, if you refuse to trade your peace…if you refuse to give up your peace…
you have a mighty weapon to use against whatever it is you are facing.

Paul reminded the people who lived in Phillipi that there is peace that passes all understanding and it will guard ( keep guard over) your heart and mind…

peace is like a guard standing watch over your mind and heart…

just think of all the things that could not even get near to your heart because peace is standing there preventing it entering your heart… Or mind!

for me,

that makes peace very valuable!

Keeping Peace in Relationships


peace: freedom from disturbance.

as much as is in your control…and ability…be at peace with those around you.

like to be in control?

grab control of this truth…it is one area where being controlling is a good thing…

don’t give up your peace…keep control!


a peaceful solution to a que jumper (someone cutting line)

I enjoyed this story. To me, it shows that there are witty, peaceful and kind ways to deal with people who do not show regard for politeness.

I hope you enjoy:

Today, a true tale of heroism that takes place not in a war zone, nor a hospital, but in Victoria station in London in 2007, during a tube strike. Our hero – a transport journalist and self-described “big, stocky bloke with a shaven head” named Gareth Edwards, who first wrote about this experience on the community blog metafilter.com – is standing with other commuters in a long, snaking line for a bus, when a smartly dressed businessman blatantly cuts in line behind him. (Behind him: this detail matters.)

The interloper proves immune to polite remonstration, whereupon Edwards is seized by a magnificent idea. He turns to the elderly woman standing behind the queue-jumper, and asks her if she’d like to go ahead of him. She accepts, so he asks the person behind her, and the next person, and the next – until 60 or 70 people have moved ahead, Edwards and the seething queue-jumper shuffling further backwards all the time. The bus finally pulls up, and Edwards hears a shout from the front of the line. It’s the elderly woman, addressing him: “Young man! Do you want to go in front of me?”

Author: Oliver Burkeman in “The Guardian Weekend”, 28 August 2010

The Best Kind of Love

The Best Kind of Love

  reach…further and deeper within your heart. reach…for more chances to do your part. reach…for more courage, the soul it provokes. reach. Love awakens the soul.

all work and no play…it’s the weekend, have a look at my morning

sometimes an important step in emotional well-being is to stop the “work” side of things and just “be”. so, this morning…i’m sharing the view from my front door…just sit…breathe…relax…

















my epiphany of peace

2012-07-11 16.27.13-002

i had a bit of an epiphany when i read this quote about the importance of peace in relation to emotional well-being.

i was thinking back to my childhood days when i would attend sunday school. the quote below came to mind:


“I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. -Jesus



i think that is awesome news…