Do You Want Things To Remain As They Are?

  There are always things that are out of our control. But there are also always going to be things that we can take responsibility for and make a difference. 

We never have to allow drama to perpetuate. We can stop the madness. Jump off of the drama triangle. 

We do not have to live in the mud pit of hatred. Overcome evil with good and love and kindness.

We do not have to suffer the pain of bitterness. Forgive. I know. It’s so hard to do but it replaces the stench of being wronged with the beautiful fragrance of freedom.

We do not have to look hopelessly at the darkness, the problems and despair. We can open our eyes to the possibilities, love or the face of God and find hope.

We can accept conditions as they are or we can take responsibility for making a difference.

No excuses.

Brave kindness and stubborn goodness and determined strength and sound foundational wisdom and eternal Love will guide your efforts each step of the way.

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How To Fight Relationship Fires

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A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. ~Proverbs

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When you run out of wood, the fire goes out; when the gossip ends, the quarrel dies down. ~Proverbs

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An argumentative person in a dispute is like kerosene thrown on a fire. ~Proverbs

How do you fight fire?

Relationship fire fighting 101: Gentle responses, silence, and mollification douse fire.

I prefer my fires contained in my fireplace where I can prop my feet up, sip a hot drink and warm my weary soul…

and not in my relationships.

Don’t you?

D

One Word Weekly Photo Challenge: Saffron

Do Your Best, Work From The Heart

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Do your best.

That is excellence.

Excellence is working from the heart.

Passion fuels the effort.

The result is a job well done. Quality.

The reward is satisfaction.

It is not perfection.

For perfection drives the soul.

Criticizes and shames the heart.

The result is unrecognised quality.

The reward is often dissatisfaction -being left believing you still missed the mark.

Doing your best with who you are and the skill you have at the moment is all you can expect of yourself. Applying a standard of excellence to what you do provides you the opportunity to keep learning, gaining and obtaining more skill.

Expecting only perfection is stressful, discouraging and pressure. You may be tempted to not even try unless you are convinced you won’t make a mess of things.

Take the pressure off of yourself.

Do your best.

And you can’t lose.

D

how to prove you are sagacious

20140316-163915.jpgare you sagacious?

women my age might imagine it to be a description of what gravity tends to do to their body over the years.

but no.

not even close.

20140316-173223.jpgif you are sagacious -you have or show keen mental discernment and good judgement; you are wise or shrewd.

i think being sagacious would benefit my journey. how about you?

there is a simple test.

this is how you know if you are sagacious:

Wise are those who restrain their talking; people with understanding are coolheaded. Fools who keep quiet are deemed wise; those who shut their lips are smart. -Proverbs

have you ever been told, “if you know what’s good for you…” or “if you were smart you’d shut your mouth!”

the word smart refers to being sagacious or prudent.

this week, i have shared with you several posts concerning anger.

in my post how to handle emotions: anger, i discussed that anger can be a very useful emotion and that instinctively we feel anger when we are at risk of danger or loss. it’s easy to see this displayed in the animal kingdom; wound a bear, and watch it get angry. attempt to take a bone that your dog is enjoying and, quickly, you realize he’s not going to just lie there and let you take it from him.

we need our angry emotions. they are a safety mechanism.

however, beyond safety…they can get us into a lot of trouble.

do you understand the number 1 way that we get ourselves into trouble when we feel a burst of anger?

our mouth!

you know, “my mouth has a way if getting me into trouble!”

boy, do i know that statement is the truth.

how?

by experience.

throughout my 54 year journey, i have been known to have “a mouth on me”.

here are 3 things that have made my blood boil over the years:

1. rudeness. if i am sitting in a resturant and a customer is being rude and demeaning to the waitress, i see red!

2. cruelty. i don’t like bullying in any form. when i observe cruelty to someone who is helpless due to age, strength or capability, i want to explode!

3. i hate to be told to “shut up”. i think it’s a rude statement so it’s similar to my first reason. when my daughter was very young, i told her it was a naughty word. so, she would gasp when she heard someone say it. i am pretty shy at times and have not always been comfortable with having my say…so, i don’t want to be told that i have to shut up in the middle of a sentence. i can get fired up!

these are three things that “push my button.” my anger button.

it has taken me many years and resulting pain to fully gain the “understanding” that it is wise to keep my mouth restrained and if i can’t restraint it -to just keep it shut.

now, that does not mean i don’t stand up for the people being mistreated.

there is a right way and a wrong way to confront someone. anger tends to cause us to forget reason, common sense and good judgement.

how can you prove you are sagacious? by having the good judgement and presence of mind to understand and discern when to speak (with restraint) or when to shut your mouth (rather just be quiet).

a wise person, a person who wants to prevent heartache, pain and suffering to their heart understand that being cool-headed when they need to address a situation will bring better results.

usually, we learn this the hard way…

by personal experience.

the Proverbs tell us that wisdom cries out to us so that heartache and pain can be prevented.

believe me, at 54 year old woman and a person who hates to be told to “shut up”, i’ve learned it’s better that i restrain my own mouth.

the reward?

peace.

i enjoy peace much more than turmoil, conflict and heartache.

have you ever said, “i wish i had kept my big mouth shut?”

yeah, me, too.

maybe next time…

it would be wise to do just that.

have a peaceful week,
D

a strong person does not get angry quickly

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He that is slow to anger is better than a mighty warrior; better to be someone who controls his temper than someone who conquers a city. -Proverbs

my husband constantly tells me how much strategy, discipline and strength are required in the art of war. warriors train to be focused, function in the worst of conditions, make wise decisions, and to be strong enough to face an opponent and overcome him.

i feel a great deal of respect and honor when i meet a member of the military. although i’ve never been to battle, i understand this job is not an easy one.

the men and women who face our nation’s enemies on the battlefield are admired for their strength physically and mentally.

wisdom tells us that the person who can control his/her anger is stronger than a great warrior.

it shows as much strength (and requires as much strength) as it does for someone who defeats a city.

in other words, it’s takes great strength of character to not fly-off-the-handle. you must train and practice in varying circumstance to build the skill necessary to maintain self-control.

it’s not an easy skill to learn.

however, developing self-control over anger makes us more wise and set us on the path of success. after all the proverbs are given to us to give us keys to living more successful as we travel our journey.

next time your temper flares…maybe counting to 10 is a good thing to practice.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…!

slow down, think clearly and keep a cool head!

how to maintain your hope

deeclarknz.com

eat honey, it is good.

deeclarknz.com

the honeycomb is sweet in your mouth.

bees

know that wisdom is like that for your whole being.

deeclarknz.com

if you find it,

bees

there is a future for you,

bees

and your hope will not be cut off.

-Proverbs 24:13, 14

proof that King Solomon was not a morning person

20140227-231217.jpgis your “happy” too loud?

in the heart warming movie, We Bought A Zoo, Rosie can’t sleep because of the night owls’ party next door. she tells her daddy that she can’t sleep because, “their happy is too loud”.

i love that.

by the way, they don’t try to turn the happy down either.

i’m a night owl. always have been.

so, when i read proverbs 27 tonight, i had to giggle as i thought,

“King Solomon might not have been a morning person”!

i could relate to his wisdom on this one…

early birds and morning people are so chirpy and cheerful. their “happy” is loud!

but actually…although frustrating (sometimes)…it’s pretty cool!

so, no grumpy night owl here…go ahead…

Be happy!

Obstacles Bring Growth

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“The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the obstacles of life and its suffering. … The mud speaks of the common ground that humans share, no matter what our stations in life. … Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and more compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one.”― Goldie Hawn

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How One Moment Helps Avoid Sorrow

20130904-005440.jpgwisdom is a useful key when it comes to life skills. if we want to avoid sorrow resulting from out of control situations when anger flares…practice patience. it really is an effective skill.

How to be an amazing woman

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how to be a woman of excellence according to Proverbs 31:

1. do not accept mediocracy. apply excellence in all that you are and all that you do.
2. understand your value is priceless.
3. inspire trust.
4. every day do what is best for your husband. never do anything harmful or hurtful. his heart should be safe with you.
5. allow a delightful attitude to govern your work.
6. select the best quality for your available resources.
7. provide for your household’s needs.
8. have a plan.
9. be resourceful.
10. wrap yourself in strength, carry yourself with confidence,and work hard, strengthen yourself for the task at hand. take care of yourself body, soul and spirit.
11. taste success and knows it is good.
12. apply and develop skill to all you do.
13. be benevolent and merciful.
14. be prepared and do not worry.
15. be supportive to your husband’s purpose.
16. use your gifts to produce a quality, marketable product.
17. be strong and dignified.
18. be fearless and smile when you think about the future.
18. conduct your conversations with wisdom.
19. allow kindness to always be your concern.
20. be organized.
21. do not be indulgent and lazy. be selfless with out fear.
22. earn the blessing and respect of your husband and children.
23. understand the limits of charm and physical beauty.
24. be reverent to God
25. celebrate all you have achieved and others will as well.
26. allow your accomplishments speak for themselves.

women have the ability within their design to be strong, independent, capable, and to care for their husband, family, and the poor. i know women who run a household with joy and make it appear effortless. in fact, my mother is this type of woman. as a child, i had no idea what was required to run a household. my mother never seemed to stop, she never seemed cross about the day to day expectations and she seemed to enjoy (and still does) what she did for us. she was kind to strangers and visitors. she seemed to have time for anyone who needed the attention of her heart. she was resourceful to the point that when there was lack, my siblings and i were clueless. i never recall complaints or grumbling. she is the most selfless person i have ever known.

i have many friends like this as well. i have been one who has admired their accomplishments and the lovely, homey atmosphere that they provide day in and day out.

as women, we are challenged to be discontent, to feel dissatisfied, selfish and complaining…and it’s a shame.

nothing worthwhile comes without appropriate effort. we don’t get something for nothing. we must be willing to apply ourselves to achieve the dreams we dream.

the potential within a woman is vast, amazing and valuable. it is a servant role…i did not say subservient…i said servant- a role of service. however, the role of men is a role of service to family and others as well. there are unbelievable benefits to serving one another. it is a rewarding way to approach life.

there is a custom called covenant among the Jewish culture. the purpose of covenant was an exchange -an offering of one’s strengths in exchange for help for their weakness. it is an agreement that what i am, what i have, what i am able to do, i agree to share with you in exchange for all that you are, all that you have, and all that you are. this agreement allowed the two to work together to become a stronger, healthier, better whole unit. each working with their supply and talents to make life better for the other; fully committed, fully trusting, and fully giving.

doesn’t that sound like a desirable goal for your heart? it is for mine…and it is completely attainable!

the requirement for attaining this goal, achieving success and excellence is a good attitude, recognition of our value, applying good work ethic and not complaining about it, resourcefulness, and never being mediocre.

it seems easier to say,”that’s impossible…no one can be that type of woman” and accept that as an excuse. i believe differently…

apply yourself…begin where you are with what you have and you will discover what an fabulous creature you are. you are a woman! you are amazing!

if you know a woman who lives with the goal of excellence, who gives the best she has to offer…encourage her today…sing her praises…let her know that you admire her accomplishments! encourage her to continue to be inspiring and striving for excellence…and allow her to encourage you (this truly is a special benefit of girlfriends).

today, I celebrate excellent women everywhere,

D