How To Fight Relationship Fires

Posted on February 23, 2015 by Dee Clark

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. ~Proverbs

When you run out of wood, the fire goes out; when the gossip ends, the quarrel dies down. ~Proverbs

An argumentative person in a dispute is like kerosene thrown on a fire. ~Proverbs

How do you fight fire?

Relationship fire fighting 101: Gentle responses, silence, and mollification douse fire.

I prefer my fires contained in my fireplace where I can prop my feet up, sip a hot drink and warm my weary soul…

and not in my relationships.

Don’t you?

One Word Weekly Photo Challenge: Saffron

24 proverbs that are just plain common sense

Posted on March 18, 2014 by Dee Clark

the Webster dictionary defines wisdom as

knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life.

it’s interesting to me that Solomon found common sense that -after all the centuries that have passed- is still common sense today.

check out these proverbs that are just plain common sense.

giving advice:

Some people like to do things their own way, and they get upset when people give them advice.

the stuff that comes out of our mouth:

The tongue can speak words that bring life or death. Those who love to talk must be ready to accept what it brings.

Foolish people don’t want to learn from others. They only want to talk about their own ideas.

Foolish people hurt themselves when they speak. Their own words trap them.

Foolish people say things to start arguments. They are just asking for a beating.

An insulted friend is harder to win back than a city with strong walls.

People love to hear gossip. It is like tasty food on its way to the stomach.

The words of a discreet and wise man’s mouth are like a gushing stream sparkling, fresh, pure, and life-giving.

Let people finish speaking before you try to answer them. That way you will not embarrass yourself and look foolish.

Your words can be as satisfying as fruit, as pleasing as the food that fills your stomach.

The first person to speak always seems right until someone comes and asks the right questions.

results of our actions:

Do something evil, and people will hate you. Do something shameful, and they will have no respect for you.

Someone who does careless work is as bad as someone who destroys things.

Giving gifts can open many doors and help you meet important people.

justice:

You must be fair in judging others. It is wrong to favor the guilty and rob the innocent of justice.

attitude:

The rich think their wealth will protect them. They think it is a strong fortress.

A proud person will soon be ruined, but a humble person will be honored.

A good attitude will support you when you are sick, but if you give up, nothing can help.

The poor are polite when they beg for help. The rich are rude with their answer.

Wise people want to learn more, so they listen closely to gain knowledge.

communication:

The best way to settle an argument between two powerful people may be to roll dice.

Arguments separate people like the strong bars of a palace gate.

relationships:

If you find a wife, you have found something good. She shows that the Lord is happy with you.

Some friends are fun to be with, but a true friend can be better than a brother.

how to prove you are sagacious

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Dee Clark

are you sagacious?

women my age might imagine it to be a description of what gravity tends to do to their body over the years.

but no.

not even close.

if you are sagacious -you have or show keen mental discernment and good judgement; you are wise or shrewd.

i think being sagacious would benefit my journey. how about you?

there is a simple test.

this is how you know if you are sagacious:

Wise are those who restrain their talking; people with understanding are coolheaded. Fools who keep quiet are deemed wise; those who shut their lips are smart. -Proverbs

have you ever been told, “if you know what’s good for you…” or “if you were smart you’d shut your mouth!”

the word smart refers to being sagacious or prudent.

this week, i have shared with you several posts concerning anger.

in my post how to handle emotions: anger, i discussed that anger can be a very useful emotion and that instinctively we feel anger when we are at risk of danger or loss. it’s easy to see this displayed in the animal kingdom; wound a bear, and watch it get angry. attempt to take a bone that your dog is enjoying and, quickly, you realize he’s not going to just lie there and let you take it from him.

we need our angry emotions. they are a safety mechanism.

however, beyond safety…they can get us into a lot of trouble.

do you understand the number 1 way that we get ourselves into trouble when we feel a burst of anger?

our mouth!

you know, “my mouth has a way if getting me into trouble!”

boy, do i know that statement is the truth.

how?

by experience.

throughout my 54 year journey, i have been known to have “a mouth on me”.

here are 3 things that have made my blood boil over the years:

1. rudeness. if i am sitting in a resturant and a customer is being rude and demeaning to the waitress, i see red!

2. cruelty. i don’t like bullying in any form. when i observe cruelty to someone who is helpless due to age, strength or capability, i want to explode!

3. i hate to be told to “shut up”. i think it’s a rude statement so it’s similar to my first reason. when my daughter was very young, i told her it was a naughty word. so, she would gasp when she heard someone say it. i am pretty shy at times and have not always been comfortable with having my say…so, i don’t want to be told that i have to shut up in the middle of a sentence. i can get fired up!

these are three things that “push my button.” my anger button.

it has taken me many years and resulting pain to fully gain the “understanding” that it is wise to keep my mouth restrained and if i can’t restraint it -to just keep it shut.

now, that does not mean i don’t stand up for the people being mistreated.

there is a right way and a wrong way to confront someone. anger tends to cause us to forget reason, common sense and good judgement.

how can you prove you are sagacious? by having the good judgement and presence of mind to understand and discern when to speak (with restraint) or when to shut your mouth (rather just be quiet).

a wise person, a person who wants to prevent heartache, pain and suffering to their heart understand that being cool-headed when they need to address a situation will bring better results.

usually, we learn this the hard way…

by personal experience.

the Proverbs tell us that wisdom cries out to us so that heartache and pain can be prevented.

believe me, at 54 year old woman and a person who hates to be told to “shut up”, i’ve learned it’s better that i restrain my own mouth.

the reward?

peace.

i enjoy peace much more than turmoil, conflict and heartache.

have you ever said, “i wish i had kept my big mouth shut?”

yeah, me, too.

maybe next time…

it would be wise to do just that.

have a peaceful week,
D

a strong person does not get angry quickly

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Dee Clark

He that is slow to anger is better than a mighty warrior; better to be someone who controls his temper than someone who conquers a city. -Proverbs

my husband constantly tells me how much strategy, discipline and strength are required in the art of war. warriors train to be focused, function in the worst of conditions, make wise decisions, and to be strong enough to face an opponent and overcome him.

i feel a great deal of respect and honor when i meet a member of the military. although i’ve never been to battle, i understand this job is not an easy one.

the men and women who face our nation’s enemies on the battlefield are admired for their strength physically and mentally.

wisdom tells us that the person who can control his/her anger is stronger than a great warrior.

it shows as much strength (and requires as much strength) as it does for someone who defeats a city.

in other words, it’s takes great strength of character to not fly-off-the-handle. you must train and practice in varying circumstance to build the skill necessary to maintain self-control.

it’s not an easy skill to learn.

however, developing self-control over anger makes us more wise and set us on the path of success. after all the proverbs are given to us to give us keys to living more successful as we travel our journey.

next time your temper flares…maybe counting to 10 is a good thing to practice.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…!

slow down, think clearly and keep a cool head!

4 ways to improve dependability as a friendship

Posted on August 24, 2013 by Dee Clark

it is important to understand that when we give our word to a friend, they depend on us to be reliable. they trust us to follow through with what we commit to do. most often, they will not truly know if they can depend upon our offer until they really need it…

how refreshing to the heart to realize there is a friend they can count on.

to improve dependability as a friend:

1. do not offer help out of emotion. although your heart may be sympathetic, emotion alone is not the best motivation for making an offer you may be unable to follow through with.
2. count the cost before giving your word. your friend will respect honesty.
3. listen. often, your friend needs a safe, caring place to share -they may not need you to do anything more than “listen” to their heart.
4. follow through to the best of your ability.

it truly is refreshing to have a friend you can rely on when you need them…it is also refreshing to be that friend when necessary.

do you have a friend that you have been able to depend on? might be a great time to let them know they are appreciated…

thank you, friends, for being faithful readers!
D

wisdom from the proverbs: there is always two sides of a story.

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Dee Clark

i came across this Life wisdom today in the proverbs…

He who states his case first seems right,

until his rival comes and cross-examines him. -Proverbs 18

“basically….there is always two sides to every story!”

the seduction of foolishness

Posted on July 9, 2013 by Dee Clark

alone (Photo credit: dragonflaiii)

sometimes i get lost in the terminology when i read proverbs. today, as i meditated on the last part of proverbs 6 and chapter 7, i smiled.

sex gets our attention. don’t worry, i’m not going to be crude. however, marketers use sex to sell products all the time and people take notice. i heard a lovely lady once say that the Bible is quite racy.

well, Solomon wasn’t silly was he? he is attributed with being the wisest man who lived. i guess, he understood that if he really wanted to get the point across…we might just take notice if he compared foolishness to seduction. interesting.

i used to pretty much skip over the references cautioning the naive, young man about the flirtatious, seductive woman. don’t get me wrong, it is incredibly accurate wisdom. even in a very literal sense, this advice is highly valuable.

then i noticed an interesting pattern. an emphasis was presented on wisdom and the benefits of gathering it, searching for it and holding it close within the heart. following this emphasis came the cautions about the seductive woman and how destructive being enticed was to life. my conclusion is that wisdom is taught and calls out to us to make wise choices. in contrast, foolishness is seductive, sly and cunning – enticing us to make unwise choices.

when i think about it, this makes perfect sense. let me show you what i mean. as you read, remember these decriptions are literally wisdom concerning the path one will find if they decided to cheat on their spouse, or with a friend’s spouse. it’s not a pretty picture. however, the metaphor is there and fits for making unwise or foolish choices.

(Photo credit:Seductive woman with luscious red lips on bed. Flickr.com)
the scene is set as an empty-headed and empty-hearted young man saunters down the street in the darkness of night (proverbs 7). he comes upon a woman who cunningly speaks with flattery; offering adventure.

the darkest hours of your life is when you consider and entertain the idea of cunning, sly, and deceptive choices.
the amplified version describes this young man as empty-headed and empty-hearted. wisdom keeps advising you to fill your heart and mind with wise principles so that they are close at hand when they are needed. obviously, when the heart and mind are empty, you don’t make your best decisions.
the woman entices the young man with flattering words and adventurous ideas. sorry, guys, but a woman knows how to empty a man’s heart and she knows how to fill it, as well. when the heart is empty-(you can fill in the blanks because deep in your heart you know the extent you have been willing to go attempting to fill it).
learning, gathering and applying wisdom takes purposeful action. non-action leads you to a state of mind that is void of good sense.

the woman reasons, comforts, and appeals to the young man’s senses. she justifies the offer with reassurance that everything is in place for no consequences to be suffered. she persuades him to overcome his conscience and fears. she allures him visually and sensually to give in to his inflamed passion for relief.

your natural instincts for comfort and escape are powerful.

reluctant at first, the young man yields as if he were being forced because his loins and passions have been set aflame.

there is always a point of no return. you may know that a choice is not wise but if you entertain it long enough-weighing the risk against escape, you yield to a moment as if you have no choice in the matter. this occurs when we are not equipped.

what he did not realize was that he was not her first victim. she had led a host of men down a deadly path. a path that would cost him his life.

the cost is described earlier in the metaphor:

he becomes tortured by the consequences.
he is not innocent and there is punishment that is eventually paid.
he gets wounded and disgraced.
the reproach sticks.
no amount of begging, bribing or attempting to buy his way out of the situation will reverse the consequences.
the situation cost him his life. before he knows what hit him – he is overtaken with anguish. he will be sitting with his head in his hands wondering what in the world brought him to such a dark place in his life.

i have never walked this pain as a result of being unfaithful to my husband. however, i have walked this path as a result of being unfaithful to wisdom. i can’t even describe to you the panic, torment and pain that my heart experienced. i might not need to because you might be able to relate. when facing the consequences of a foolish choice, i have done my share of bargaining with God and others – if i could just be rescued from my foolishness i would learn my lesson and do things differently…”please, just give me a second chance!”

the moral to this story? yes, there is one. you and i have choices to make. there are wise choices. they require effort, preparation and determination. there are unwise choices, as well. they come to you cunningly, in the dark and appear to be a more pleasurable, alluring, easier choice…but they bite hard.

…Bind them continually upon your heart …

When you go, they shall lead you; when you sleep, they shall keep you; and when you waken, they shall talk with you.

For the commandment is a lamp, and the whole teaching [of the law] is light, and reproofs of discipline are the way of life, -Proverbs

sometimes life is difficult and can become dark. it doesn’t have to be. the choice is mine to make…and it is yours to make as well.

this is the follow-up post from Monday’s post on proverbs 6 concerning preparation. i do hope you have enjoyed them both.

thanks for reading,

Reflections of the heart

Posted on June 17, 2013 by Dee Clark

As the water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart. -Proverbs

what was i supposed to do again? oh, yeah…spot foolishness

Posted on June 7, 2013 by Dee Clark

Proverbs is written as if Wisdom is speaking directly to the reader. if i’m going to take advice on how to be wise…well, wisdom itself would be the best place to get good advice. when i want to cook a fabulous dinner…i listen to the people who know how to make dinner fabulous, right? or search the internet, pinterest, or books to get the tips that will help me do it the right way…i’m either over the multitude of failures in the kitchen, i don’t have time for failing or i’m 52 and have learned, “i don’t know everything” and i might just need some help. i look at Proverbs like that. it is jammed packed full of down to earth, practical ways to make my life successful, my relationships work better, my heart avoid pain and to have fewer failures. i actually like it. i am working on sharing what i see there. i am a bit behind but i want to share a few things i see in chapter 2 today.

so, here goes.

what Proverbs 2 says about wisdom:

wise words are valuable to my life.
my heart is a key component…my heart has to be “in it” for me to have a chance of applying the principles. have you ever said, “my heart’s just not in it?” if my heart’s not “in it” basically i’m not going to “do it”. the Bible said it first. lol
God is the wisest of all…the wisdom in His is mouth holds the key to success.
success comes by applying wisdom (not rocket science, right? fools aren’t usually very successful…we’ve all witnessed that)
walking blameless is protection (if you don’t speed you are protected from speeding tickets…why didn’t i think of that?)
wisdom helps me understand what is right, just and fair for every path (now, how many times have i said i didn’t know what to do…”she made me so mad, i didn’t know what to do…so i gave her an earful”-i do know. telling someone off makes me feel better but doesn’t actually bring a solution that improves my life).
wisdom will keep me out of trouble and safe.
wisdom will keep me from falling for the wrong person. i won’t be tempted to fall for ”a line” (flattering lips, seduction, manipulation)
when i follow wisdom’s advice i get to keep traveling my journey.
you do the crime, you do the time! basically that is what the last part of chapter 2 says. if i don’t follow wisdom i get cut off from my life…you play, you pay. the most obvious is being cut off from my life by going to jail . if i cheat in relationships, they end. if i don’t do my job well, i loose it. if i spend too much money, i’m broke all the time. if i’m rude and obnoxious, people won’t stay around me.

honestly, i can’t argue with those points. my life experiences have been witness to these practical tips (one of these days, i’ll tell you about my afternoon in the “slammer”…that got my attention.. QUICK!). i’ve blown a few things myself. i’ve watched family and friends blow a few things. tell you what though, i’m learning…i’m valuing wisdom more now than i ever have (you know…learning from my mistakes), and my heart after all the pain it’s been through has decided, “it’s in”!

i don’t want to be foolish with my life…do you?

have a fabulous day…I’ve shared with you a few tips (a recipe) from proverbs to help make it that way. go for it!

as always, i am so happy you stopped by,