believe you can and you will


did you know that scientists say that because a bubble bee’s body is so big and it’s wing span is so small that it is aerodynamically impossible for it to fly?


the bee doesn’t know it either! so…it just keeps flying!

my daughter told me about a class mate whose mother basically told her recently that she would never amount to anything!

my heart sank as i listened to the story of how she cried and her heart was broken!

in the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness, Will Smith’s character states to his son:

“Hey. Don’t ever let somebody tell you… You can’t do something. Not even me. All right? You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it.

my husband and i farm an iconic New Zealand delicacy, the Bluff Oyster. we have had more than one person tell us that it was impossible and could not be done.

we smile…and get back to work…doing it.

there have been times that what everyone says looks like it might be true, BUT it’s not!

anything is possible!

we pray a lot 😍

we problem solve everyday.

we never stop!

even if someone tells you that you can’t…

act like you have no idea what they Are talking about, like the bee…

keep flying!

keep dreaming!

keep working toward your goal!

people will try to tell you you can’t because they aren’t…

go for it…

You can!

The True Story of a Seven Year Marriage

This is a gorgeous look at the walk of love…it’s struggles and triumphs. Hope you enjoy!

Fly Softly My Love

I used to scoff at those who simply made it work, couples who lived long and tedious years together even if the fire had died. Life is too short I thought, to spend it with someone who doesn’t kindle your passion.

That was before I knew that passion isn’t something that floats around and lands on you like a lucky butterfly (at least not all the time). It needs to be tended, like a fire in your heart, by breathing life into a spark over and over. You choose where you build your fire, and your heart listens to your choice.

When our turn came to meet and marry, I wondered how we might avoid the boring fate of the uninspired; the settlers who had aimed high and fallen short.

What made us special, more right for each other than the others? We fooled ourselves and listed off the reasons.

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how to carry your load


“you will never be given more than you can bear.”

not very comforting, is it? especially when you feel the load is too great.

when carrying a load:

make sure you can see in front of you

take small, stable steps

do not twist

if too heavy, ask for help

if injury occurs, early treatment helps healing occur quicker

knowing your purpose is important. when i was in college, i was pretty focused on the end goal so i wanted to carry as many subjects as possible every semester. i always had to get special permission because the dean wanted to know that i could carry the load without loosing sight of what was important. he always wanted to make sure that i the load was not piled to high.

sometimes we take on too much. we think we are invincible. this adds unnecessary stress. make sure that what you are picking up does not impair your vision. make sure you can still see where you are going. if not, lay something down.

if you are in the midst if a stressful time in your life, you need clear focus to get through the task. you can pick up what you laid down later if appropriate.

understanding your goal or purpose will also help you not to twist, side step or get off track. you want to keep going forward. twisting or getting side tracked by the load can cause pain.

don’t get in too big of a hurry. you want your steps to be stable. secure your footing with each step. you need a strong foundation. review your life goals, values and purpose and stay true to them.

there are times when it is just not wisdom to go it alone. friends, family, and others who care about you can help you bear the load. asking for help is not weakness. it takes great courage. addictions, for example, find their power over us when they are kept in the dark. accountability is a great way to release some off it’s power. what is kept in the dark holds a tight grip on us. bring it into the light with someone trusted and get help. two are better than one…if one falls down, the other can lift him up.

preventive medicine is always the most effective, but in the case of injury, early detections improves the healing process. don’t wait. when i begin to feel ill, i head to bed. i rest and sleep it off. usually, i am better by the next day. emotional pain is sometimes more difficult but pushing yourself and continuing in an injured state is not the best way to carry your load.

we don’t have to end up in a broken state because of the load we carry. how we carry the load is important.

let me encourage you, that if you see a friend who is struggling beneath their load….that you can help them bear their burden.


The Law of Love


i would like to thank my readers for their kind responses to my blogs on love.

i wanted to share this comment from Will at Diffuse The Muse

Hi Dee. Congratulations on this original and inspiring blog. I admire the objectivity of this series of posts. Dealing with intrinsically abstract concepts is very hard to do objectively and in a way that everyone can relate to on some level. I think you’ve done a splendid job! The pivotal issue, in my opinion, is your point No. 6: Selfishness, or as I see it, egocentricity. It is pivotal because it is at the very core of our instinctive nature—so much so that most of the other points could be said to derive from this one. If we are honest about it, and were to eliminate the “I”, the “me” and the “my” out of our contextual frame of reference for love, it becomes distorted, when it should become more symmetrical. Elevating one’s ego above oneself, and to the exclusion of itself, is an awesome goal for any thinking person. Then again, I look into the eyes of child in need and it seem almost right there for the taking.

20130925-091307.jpgThank you for your kind comments, Will.

I agree that selfishness is “at the very core of our instinctive nature”. The reality is that in creation, animals have basic instincts they use as protective measures for survival. I think that humans have survival instincts as well. We do have to look out for ourselves in order to maintain healthy emotional well-being. The skill needed to do this is a healthy boundary system. This life skill is often not learned until after crisis. Therefore, we compensate the lack of skill for selfishness -believing that selfishness is what will protect us.

Quite the opposite is true.

Healthy boundaries are different than defensive walls like selfishness. Boundaries give us the opportunity to communicate our need for safe interaction. They should be based on your life values, wisdom, Truth, justice, and mine include the law. These boundaries are your safety zone, clearly defined so that another person is (or can become) aware of what lines not to cross.

When I was young and dating, one of my boundaries was that I wanted to be respected as a woman. Therefore, whistles, cat-calls and crudeness were not acceptable to me. I would not date a young man who crossed that line.

A few other boundaries that I have developed include:
1. I am a giving person but don’t expect to order me around or take advantage of my generosity.
2. Rudeness is just never appropriate. I understand firm authority but there is no need to be condescending or rude.
3. Love covers a multitude of sins…true…but don’t ask me to lie to cover up for your wrong. If you choose the action, I won’t expose you publicly but I won’t lie for you either. I won’t participate in anything illegal or against my life values.
4. We might disagree, feel angry and have conflict but that will not cause me to discard the friendship even if a little space is required for a time.

You don’t need to list the boundaries out, a gentle reminder is often enough to get things back on track, if explained lovingly.

Recently, I found myself in conflict with a friend over a business policy. My friend stated that they did not want the friendship to suffer as a result. I was able to simply reassure the person that disagreeing did not mean that we could not be friends and that I believed we could find an appropriate solution for both parties.

Boundaries are a way to protect the relationship so that the issues can be worked out. But first, you must understand yourself, what you believe and what you want.

That is why I have been sharing the wisdom given in Corinthians concerning what real love looks like. Because I believe that love has the attributes I have shared and I use this information as a boundary for my own actions.

20130925-092305.jpgLove is a law…like the Law of Gravity. The Law of Love works every time -without fail -in the same way that the Law of Gravity works everytime, without fail.

Working within it’s boundaries provides the best results…outside of those boundaries is pain.

I can say, “I don’t believe in the law of gravity” and continue to work against it, my end result will be catastrophic if I make the wrong choice.

Sometimes, in the above mentioned confusion (concerning instinct), we think there is an option or loop hole that frees us from right behavior. Unfortunately, if we really want success, there isn’t…love is the way to make things work appropriately.

I can learn to get my point across without being unkind. I can be firm, diplomatic, and kind and acheive a better result than starting a conflict. If the other person is uncoperative, there are appropriate-wise-lawful (depending on what is required) ways to handle the situation without being ruthless, mean, and hateful.

One of my favorite examples is that of my friend in Chattanooga who lost her son to a drunken driver. The driver was wrong. My friend was in terrible emotional pain. The loss was more than anyone deserves. She followed through with the legal accountability and the driver was sent to jail. The driver was a mother and jail was a difficult consequence. Yet, throughout the process, my friend was not mean to this person. She actually, told her she forgave her, helped her through the trial and once she has finished her sentence, will work with her to get her life back on track. This approach did not save my friend’s son from death…but it has helped her heart to begin the healing process, will help salvage the driver’s life and she started a non-profit organization to help bring awareness to the consequences of drinking and driving. The impact for good will be so much more beneficial than revenge.

“Love never fails” is not just a nice quote…it is truth. It is not whimpy. It is a life skill. It is a law of the spirit and it works so much better than the alternative!

You can count on it!

I do hope you have found these posts helpful. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me!


How to Show Mature Love

20130923-213002.jpghow mature are you when it comes to love?

the last characteristic in my little series of posts on love is…

love never a fails…never stops, never fades, doesn’t become obsolete…it does not end.

in the midst of an argument? you are thinking, “I don’t know what to do.” love…never fails! ego will build defences, anger will inflame the situation, sarcasm will invite a bloody nose 😉, standing your rightful ground will end communication…love never fails.

actually, when i look closely at this wisdom found in the letter to the Corinthians, it is pretty clear to me that love would probably put a lot of relationship issues to rest.

let’s do a quick test. read the list below. choose which of the two words evoke a positive response in you:

1. Patience vs impatience
2. Kindness vs unkindness
3. Trust vs jealousy
4. Humble vs prideful
5. Mannerly vs rude
6. Selfless vs selfish
7. Irritable vs easy going
8. Forgiving vs holds a grudge
9. Supportive vs throwing you under the bus
10. Justice vs injustice
11. Believes the best in you vs accusatory
12. Never gives up vs quits easily

how many of the second of the two words do you wish more people would use more when dealing with you?

none? me, too!

in fact, i have spent a lot of time in my life asking people NOT to deal with me according to the second words of the list. i feel quite passionate about not being dealt with in those ways.

ah-ha moment…then i shouldn’t deal with people that way, right? because i know how it feels…and i DON’T like it. then why act that way myself. should be common sense, eh?

nothing we do, think, or believe is of any importance if used as an excuse for not loving or behaving in a loving way. not what you believe. not what you hope for…although both are awesome…they should not be used in place of love.

that doesn’t include accountability. love IS NoT blind!!!! love acts justly…so if accountability is necessary…love holds us accountable.

i have been posting about what love looks like, how love behaves and the wisest ways to apply love. love requires maturity. at the end of the letter in Corinthians, Paul makes the statement that when he was a child he acted liked a child and when he was old he put away childish things…Paul has not stopped giving wisdom about love.

the second word in my little test are childish behaviors.

watch any 2 year old…you will see them.

have you ever said to someone acting out those second words, “don’t be so juvenile!”? or “grow up,”?

we recognize them as juvenile, behaviors in others… we should be objective enough to call it as we see it in ourselves…if we do…we are applying maturity.

i truly believe that our day to day relationships and our own peace of mind would be so much more successful if we would stop being childish; throwing tantrums, calling names, quitting when we don’t get our own way, being vengeful, irritable or irritating…

and love with a real, mature level of love.

mature, real love is….

Easy going
Believes the best
Keeps going!!!

mature, real love never fails…

the move is going well…although a big job, i love that i get a chance to do a major “spring clean”…I’ll be sorted for summer fun this way, eh?

thank you for your patience while i have not had internet and was not able to post…feels good to get back into the swing of things.