We Get By With A Little a Help From Our Friends

Do you have a friend who just doesn’t seem to be themselves? Something about them has changed and you’re wondering what’s going on for them?

It can be difficult to know exactly how to help a friend who is going through a difficult time, but your support will mean the world to her.

Listen with all your heart.

Being present, even if there is silence, means more than she can put into words.

And coffee…well, coffee is it’s own kind of comfort. Definitely share a cup of coffee with her.

Friends help us carry our load when all feels lost in our world.  Supporting a friend when times are tough with the little things that we do really makes a difference. 

I (we) get by with a little help from my friends.” — The Beatles




Serenity

I was awake early this morning which rarely happens. I watched the sun come up as the birds sang their songs of praise. Calm and quiet enveloped me. The light of Love was shining down on me like a warm embrace. I didn’t hurry to the tasks awaiting me…I just sat there. I was given a gift. A brand new day. A fresh clean slate. My soul is refreshed, calm, and serene. I might need to get up early more often.

Once I did get going, I put together a little video for you. Something new for me. 😉

How To Prevent Failed Relationships

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How can two walk together unless they agree?

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Relationship is the hardest work you will ever do. Don’t you think? Two or more people with differing cultural, family, traditional, spiritual and economical values, opinions and aspirations attempt to walk together. We join others in relationship for sports, business, hobbies, community, life and a variety of other reasons. Once we make the decision we want to work together…the fun begins as long as we keep a clear focus on why we wanted to be together in the first place.

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Otherwise, we loose our minds in craziness. Have you ever noticed how purely ridiculous things can become when we attempt to walk together and don’t agree? That’s the point we are in danger of no longer walking together.

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Agreement is the key. Do we always agree? NO!!!! When we don’t agree, what then?

IMG_1860.JPGWhen I ask that question, if your mind only goes to the differences people have in the areas I mentioned above, you most likely will never reach agreement.

Agreement is harmony. The sound of a beautiful melody or symphony. The dictionary used the word accordance. A chord is made up of differing notes put together to make music. Accordance happens when we take our individual differences in opinion and feeling and make them work together for the relationship. I like the thought of that. But then, again, that is the work of relationship…and remember I have already said that its the hardest work you will ever do. However, the reward of walking together is much easier on the heart then a break-up and heartache.

Did you know that another meaning for agreement is consistency? Everyone who has taken to hard work understands consistency and its benefits. My home town, Chattanooga, just hosted an Ironman Competition. The preparation for entering the race commands hours, days, weeks and even months of hard, consistent training.

We know this concept.

We’ve got this down pat in many areas of our lives.

We consistently get up day in and day out and head to work. There are days we want to cover our heads with the blankets but we like eating more, so we get up.

Speaking of eating, I consistently feed my face. To be honest, I’m not always thinking about the health of my body. Somedays it’s all about the chocolate. Nonetheless, I am consistent to fuel my body because I want to stay alive. I’m not crazy about the alternative.

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Here’s the thing, we understand the importance of consistency in most everything we do. We have practiced it over and over again. Really, we are agreeing to do what it takes in those areas of our lives to make things work. I think, as hard as it is, it’s also that simple. Looking at the signals, coming to terms together on the best course of action and then doing it together to ensure the best or desired result.

The individuals in a relationship may be the greatest stars in the world, but if they don’t work together, they won’t succeed.

Relationship is an ever growing process. It develops in the ups and downs, when you’ve suffered together, cried together, and laughed together.

Succeeding in relationship requires that the people involved recognize that they have responsibilities as well as rights. Asking only what’s in it for me means we forget our destinies are bound together. Without commitment to others, without love, charity, duty, and consistency (agreement) we destine ourselves to failure.

Together we can face any challenges as deep as the sea and as high as the sky.

Do you know the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together?” Let me just say this, if you are constantly entering bad relationships check your feathers. If you possess a hurting heart full of pain, rejection, anger, bitterness, and hatred, you will notice those types of birds flocking toward you. Get well. Search for wholeness…fix those things. Believe me, I know you may not have the energy, feel brave enough or know where to begin. I have been in exactly the place you are sitting. It’s excruciatingly painful. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. And it’s numbing. However, wholeness is better. You will need time. You will need support. You will need help. You will need courage.

But YOU can do this.

You must do this to break the continuum of bad relationships.

Anytime we come together with collective intention, it’s a powerful thing.

When we work smarter not harder, we can argue real life issues together and solve problems. Both sides who are willing to work together will make great progress.

And isn’t the the real reason we gather together anyway? To make life better, stronger, happier?

Let’s keep our focus. Let’s accomplish long lives of love, hope, and joy.

Start by walking together in agreement. I know you can!
D

One Word Photo Challenge: Fushsia

spread The Word, Ladies: we Are Enough!

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Are you among the many women that harshly judge the image they see?

You are not alone. Sadly, too many times, when many of us look in the mirror we do not see the amazing person that the rest of the world sees.

Watch how Mrs. changes the way these women see themselves in the mirror.

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Also, if you know a woman who does not see the amazing woman she truly is and doesn’t see that she IS ENOUGH…tell her!

Tell her today. She needs to know!

In case, you are that woman…let me just say here and now,

“YOU ARE ENOUGH!”

D

 

Not all Holes Are Vacuums

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Learning from failure, disappointment, and loss helps us understand that a hole does not have to be a vacuum.

We do not have to accept that all holes made in our heart are sink holes.

We are able to climb out of most of them.

Actually, to date, I’ve manage to climb out of all of mine.

Have you fallen into a hole of failure, disappointment or loss?

Don’t sink…

Climb, dear one, climb!

D

A Word A Week Photograph Challenge: Hole

How to Deal with the “Something’s Missing” Feeling

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Do you ever get that “something’s missing” feeling? Or “I’m craving something” feeling but have no idea what it is you want?

I do.

Today I started craving something to eat. Since I have been a bit indulgent lately I thought I would make some kale chips. My daughter put a bunch of kale in my shopping cart the other day and suggested I try to make a healthy snack. Eww! Yuck! I was not craving kale chips!

Over the next several hours I frantically went from one thing to the next attempting to satisfy my insatiable hunger. Nothing was bringing satisfaction to my longing. Exasperated I finally grabbed a glass of water and sat down. I took a sip. Yum! It felt refreshing. I wanted more. I drank it down and wanted even more. So, I refilled the glass and guzzled it down. Each gulp tasted sweet and satisfying. I wasn’t hungry. I was thirsty. My body needed water.

I was content. I was no longer frantically searching for what I was missing.

I find that whole process exhausting! Lol I reach a point where I just want to know – What is it?

I used to be that way with shopping, too. I would feel that needy feeling, hit the shops, spend far too much money and find I still was not satisfied. Then six months down the road I found myself completely frustrated with things I hated, cluttering my space and overwhelmed that I had spent money on things I no longer wanted. Exasperating.

I learned that the reason for the empty feeling was lack of personal value. Money can’t buy that. Accepting myself for the valuable person I am was like my thirsty body drinking in that glass of water today -refreshing and satisfying.

It’s easy to loose our sense of contentment and set out on a frantic treasure hunt. The problem is that we can search for answers in all the wrong places. We search for love with the wrong people. We beg people for answers to our problems. We panic and search and search and search.

Nothing satisfies.

Elizabeth Gilbert explains that the best, most effective way to find or restore contentment is to stop, sit, and be still.

Quietly.

Calmly.

Prayerfully.

Get still.

In the stillness comes the ability to hear more clearly. In the stillness comes the ability to assess what is real or perceived need. In the stillness comes creativity. In the stillness, contentment and appreciation and gratitude can flood your soul.

And contentment, when it comes, causes that needy, lost feeling to pass.

We are all living in a frantic world. However, it is important to take quiet, still moments in our day to remind ourselves that we already are enough, have enough and have learned enough for this part of the journey.

Do you need to sit and be still? Go ahead…take all the time you need.

D

(I would like to welcome my friend, Samantha Pearson, and thank her for her photo contribution. I look forward to working with her more in the future.)

Sunshine and Smiles

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There are days when I am too shy to speak to strangers but those are days that I just walk down the street smiling at everyone I pass by.

I have found an amazing truth in this exercise: the person I smile at smiles back.

Every time.

It makes me wonder if there is an involuntary response that emerges from deep in our souls.

What do you think?

Have you noticed how people respond when you smile at them?

Give it try.

See how many people you smile at smile back. Then let me know if it’s just me or if I’m right…

people always smile back.

Just wondering…😀
D

5 Effective Ways To Help You Stop “Seeing Red” and Arguing

What comes to mind when you hear the word “carmine”? Immediately, I thought of a passionate, latin woman dressed in vibrant red.

Red is a powerful color. Our One Word Photo Challenge host, Nichole, rightly pointed this out to us. I agree completely. It is a color that produces vivid emotional images: the passion of love or the fury of anger. There is no middle ground with carmine; strong, hot, intense.

deeclarknz.comYesterday, I received a cry for relationship help. An “I can’t take it anymore” plea filled with disappointment, discouragement and anger.

Do you and your partner, spouse or significant other struggle with an underlying flow of anger, frustration, and irritation? Do you argue often? Just how often “do you see red” in your relationship?

Do you think arguing is a healthy part of relationships?

How do you feel in the middle of an argument? Do you feel peace? Do you feel appreciated? Do you feel secure? Do you feel respected? Do you feel loved?

From personal experiences, I have felt none of those things during past arguments. In fact, I was left feeling the exact opposite. For that reason, I don’t argue or make every effort not to argue. I feel angry sometimes. I get snippy and frustrated. Those emotions are valuable if we don’t misuse them.

deeclarknz.comWhy do we argue?

We want peace, our rights, to be valued, to be loved, to be accepted and respected yet we end up feeling worse off than when we began the argument and accomplished quite the opposite.

I read this quote sometime back and I think it hits the nail on the head as a reason for why we argue. “How do conflicts, quarrels and fighting originate?…your desires go unfulfilled…” –James

I want something you don’t want or you want something I don’t want; therefore, we clash and end up devastating one another.

Our world is full of fighting and warring with one another yet we declare we want a world filled with peace and happy co-existence.

deeclarknz.comIn my 54 years of life, I have learned that we are not always going to agree. Put two or more people in a room and there will be a wide array of emotions, beliefs, goals and opinions. We are all different. We won’t always agree.

We find differences within cultures, communities, social groups, and genders. A relationship will house all of those differences and they will irritate us at some point. We are not going to agree 100% of the time. And we shouldn’t have to agree. But can we live together in a healthy, peaceful way?

How do we repair a relationship that has become a constant confrontation?

Here are 5 effective ways to help you stop “seeing red” and arguing. These will help you work toward healthy resolutions to your disagreements.

  1. Give respect. We all know how painful being disrespected feels. In fact, think of times that you have been disrespected and check your pulse? What are you feeling about that memory? I would guess you are not feeling very pleasant. No one enjoys a situation where they walk away feeling a lack of respect. (We might agree on this point.) The key, then, is to look within your heart and dig up your disrespectful attitudes, words and behaviours to aid in repairing communication.
  1. Deal with Fear. We are afraid that we will become a doormat. We fear our rights will be taken from us. We fear that we won’t be loved. We fear that we will be required to be the only one who is the “bigger person”. Eradicating these fears from our heart is not an easy task. Unresolved fear prevents us from communicating our desires effectively. Unpack the baggage, as “they” say.
  1. Communicate. Communicate. I rarely “get it” or understand a point right away. Neither does my dear husband. “How many times do I have to tell you?” Frustration shades our perspective. Maybe I didn’t get this point, but consider that I did finally understand on other issues. This means I am capable of working with you and not against you. Also, we must be willing to communicate honestly what we really feel about the situation. Attempting to show patience, kindness or an attitude of peace by not speaking up will only lead to a volcanic emotional eruption. Those out-bursts are usually more devastating than healing.
  1. Know when to stop. I don’t mean quit the relationship. I mean don’t carry on a conversation that is turning volatile until you say or do something you will regret. We have all been guilty of saying wrong or hurtful words when a conversation turns too difficult. We also hear of fatal or violent endings once enough buttons have been pushed. No matter how hard you try, you cannot go back and undo damage like I have just described. The consequences of careless words and actions can be far reaching. Learn when to stop. Come back to the conversation when the environment is not as charged -if the issue is important enough to try again. It’s also important to know what and when to let go- not all issues are that important.
  1. Find a third party. If you cannot be open enough with the person you are in a relationship with, ask for help. Might I just add, find appropriate help. Friends, family, children and whoever-just-happens-be-there-at the time are not examples of appropriate help. What usually happens when your issues spill out on the-people-around-you is that you provide them with an opportunity to pick up your offense. When this happens and the two of you work things out, the third party is left with no way to resolve what they are feeling. Be wise. Find a third party with experience in mediation to help you both learn to communicate as effectively as possible.

deeclarknz.comFinally, ask yourself: Is what you disagree about more important that the relationship?

A difference in opinion is healthy. But remember, love the person and show them respect. Love yourself by being open and honest. You and your significant other are valuable.

My hope is that if you are in a constant state of “seeing red”, that these tips will help you cultivate a more open, healthy way of dealing with disagreements.

Thank you for spending some time with me today.

D