the value of being kind when others aren’t

Posted on April 29, 2014 by Dee Clark

My cousin spent today helping an infuriating, older neighbour tear down a fence. It was something her neighbour probably would not have reciprocated. She also had to wade through plants that were not good for her allergies. When completed, her young daughter noticed and commented about her labour of love.

My cousin stated: “My hives are calming down, Ill be fine and Sarah’s response makes it worth it. She said, “Mommy, why we’re you helping her when she doesn’t even like us?” I explained it’s the neighborly thing to do. She replied, “But Mom I heard her talking to you in a nice voice. Is she going to be nice now? Will she be a friend?” Good life lesson to learn when I told her that wasn’t why I did it and she probably will not be a friend. Some people are just the way they are.”

Is it really worth being nice to someone who isn’t easy to be nice to?

I think the answer is definitely, “yes.”

People are all different, have differing value systems and differing historical stories that cause them to be who they are.

Reacting like someone acts causes me to be disloyal to myself and who I really am. I most enjoy being kind, generous, loving and giving. That’s when I’m happiest within.

I find myself frustrated having to live on “their” playing field. So, I came to the realisation that revenge is not sweet for me. Being “me” is…therefore, I live fully out of my heart and appreciate that they are different than me.

I don’t expect them to be me (even when it’s hard) or give more than they are capable of giving.

It’s taken many years to reach this place…

I really despise my “mean Dee” more than I despise actions coming my way.

I also believe love never fails (even if I can’t see the good effects).

The question is, “who do I want to be and what type of journey do I want to travel?”

Answering that question for myself helps me set my standard of behaviour. It is not an easy journey and it takes maturity.

Which do you prefer?

One perpetuates drama and the other brings inner satisfaction.

If you haven’t reached the goal of not allowing circumstances to turn your world upside down, keep going. Keep applying purposeful actions to bring you to the place in your journey that you most desire.

Have a great day!
D

24 proverbs that are just plain common sense

Posted on March 18, 2014 by Dee Clark

the Webster dictionary defines wisdom as

knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life.

it’s interesting to me that Solomon found common sense that -after all the centuries that have passed- is still common sense today.

check out these proverbs that are just plain common sense.

giving advice:

Some people like to do things their own way, and they get upset when people give them advice.

the stuff that comes out of our mouth:

The tongue can speak words that bring life or death. Those who love to talk must be ready to accept what it brings.

Foolish people don’t want to learn from others. They only want to talk about their own ideas.

Foolish people hurt themselves when they speak. Their own words trap them.

Foolish people say things to start arguments. They are just asking for a beating.

An insulted friend is harder to win back than a city with strong walls.

People love to hear gossip. It is like tasty food on its way to the stomach.

The words of a discreet and wise man’s mouth are like a gushing stream sparkling, fresh, pure, and life-giving.

Let people finish speaking before you try to answer them. That way you will not embarrass yourself and look foolish.

Your words can be as satisfying as fruit, as pleasing as the food that fills your stomach.

The first person to speak always seems right until someone comes and asks the right questions.

results of our actions:

Do something evil, and people will hate you. Do something shameful, and they will have no respect for you.

Someone who does careless work is as bad as someone who destroys things.

Giving gifts can open many doors and help you meet important people.

justice:

You must be fair in judging others. It is wrong to favor the guilty and rob the innocent of justice.

attitude:

The rich think their wealth will protect them. They think it is a strong fortress.

A proud person will soon be ruined, but a humble person will be honored.

A good attitude will support you when you are sick, but if you give up, nothing can help.

The poor are polite when they beg for help. The rich are rude with their answer.

Wise people want to learn more, so they listen closely to gain knowledge.

communication:

The best way to settle an argument between two powerful people may be to roll dice.

Arguments separate people like the strong bars of a palace gate.

relationships:

If you find a wife, you have found something good. She shows that the Lord is happy with you.

Some friends are fun to be with, but a true friend can be better than a brother.

the art of being a lady

Posted on October 6, 2013 by Dee Clark

this week I have been thinking about the term “lady”.

as a little girl, i dreamed of being a princess as little girls do. i fantasized about being treated regally, gently, respectfully. treated with a sense of value…

a little girl who couldn’t wait to dress up in high heels, don a gorgeous dress and be a lady.

i would parade around the house and attend pretend tea parties -pinky finger gently lifted.

as pain and cruelty, that sometimes occurs in the world, became a reality to my heart, i began to desire to become a woman…strong, bold and in control. the type of woman that would never again be walked over, dismissed or ignored. i built a hard shell of independence and scoffed at the weakness portrayed of submissive ladies, mindlessly doting over a stove with her apron hanging over her puddle skirt.

a princess, i would never be! i was not born into a royal family and the likelihood of capturing the attention of a prince was pretty slim.

as a young woman, my friends and i would visit the local “tea room” and for an hour or so pretend, again, to be ladies. when my daughter came along…i would take her and her friends to the tea room for an afternoon experience- high tea and lady-like behavior.

once i left the “experience”, i became “woman” once again.

i have a long time running admiration for women like Dame Julie Andrews; her pose, elegance, courteousness, and sense of respect toward herself and others. her world seemed generally a more pleasant place.

i realize that i had dreamed and fantasized of being a lady but had given the concept a bum-wrap in the way i was thinking:
Lady-like behavior is unattainable in the real, modern world.
A lady has to know all the rules of etiquette.
A lady is boring, she doesn’t say what she really thinks.
A lady can’t be fashionable. She has to wear conservative looking clothes from the victorian ages.
Being a lady means you’re old-fashioned and boring. Only grannies care about being ladies.
A lady is so feminine, she doesn’t like sports.
A lady is elegant but not sexy. She is not carefree and free-spirited.

as i thought in my heart…i was. thoughts really do govern our behavior.

is being a lady only for grannies? since i am one…you might think it true.

but, i think not…for a lady personified is a kind heart and a conqueror.

being a lady is simply having extended manners such as always looking for a way to be kind and generous, as well as being a conqueror in life (meaning overcoming struggles and rising above difficulties).

a lady has usually given thought and more or less developed an organized way to go about life.

because of my fascination with Dame Julie Andrews, i have watched her do a few interviews. i notice that people speak differently to her (kinder, gentler) and act more respectful around her…because she truly is a lady. she is treated royally wherever she goes.

have you known the woman who complains about how people are rude to her all the time? what she can’t see is that people are rude and mean to her because she was to them in the first place.

i think being a lady is an art.

whether by conscious effort or instinct, being a lady helps you be decisive and assured – of knowing how to go about your day, get around in life, what to do in every situation.

being a lady is about being kind. it is also about choosing to believe the best in others and yourself.

the more you act like a lady, the more you bring out the gentlemanly side of the boys and men in your life. when you ask nicely and gently, you’ll be surprised about the reaction it evokes in others. your husband or son might initially think there may be something wrong with you. perhaps they become suspicious, but you do not need to explain, just keep at it.

people will be relaxed around you.

when you feel like a lady, you’ll feel more beautiful.

this behavior can be developed.

often women feel fake, unnatural when they try to develop ladylike behaviour.

when change happens, you’ll often feel like everything is thrown off balance. you feel uncertain, may feel nervous and wobbly. that is simply the process of finding a new balance. tweak it, adjust and you’ll find the right balance.

eventually, you’ll stop feeling like a fake, because you’ve become a lady and you might even develop the courage to graciously stand up for something you believe in, or for someone who has no voice.

you will gain a relaxed sense of confidence, an ease about yourself. you will feel secure in yourself. you won’t feel the need to impress or respond to bad manners. YOu are gracious.

the key to learning is this: learn through reading, understanding, imitation, and practice.

with art comes value appreciation.

being a lady, is an art. i’m sure of it. elegance, poise, courteousness, kindness, gentleness, and graciousness.

it is a discipline.