5 Effective Ways To Help You Stop “Seeing Red” and Arguing

What comes to mind when you hear the word “carmine”? Immediately, I thought of a passionate, latin woman dressed in vibrant red.

Red is a powerful color. Our One Word Photo Challenge host, Nichole, rightly pointed this out to us. I agree completely. It is a color that produces vivid emotional images: the passion of love or the fury of anger. There is no middle ground with carmine; strong, hot, intense.

deeclarknz.comYesterday, I received a cry for relationship help. An “I can’t take it anymore” plea filled with disappointment, discouragement and anger.

Do you and your partner, spouse or significant other struggle with an underlying flow of anger, frustration, and irritation? Do you argue often? Just how often “do you see red” in your relationship?

Do you think arguing is a healthy part of relationships?

How do you feel in the middle of an argument? Do you feel peace? Do you feel appreciated? Do you feel secure? Do you feel respected? Do you feel loved?

From personal experiences, I have felt none of those things during past arguments. In fact, I was left feeling the exact opposite. For that reason, I don’t argue or make every effort not to argue. I feel angry sometimes. I get snippy and frustrated. Those emotions are valuable if we don’t misuse them.

deeclarknz.comWhy do we argue?

We want peace, our rights, to be valued, to be loved, to be accepted and respected yet we end up feeling worse off than when we began the argument and accomplished quite the opposite.

I read this quote sometime back and I think it hits the nail on the head as a reason for why we argue. “How do conflicts, quarrels and fighting originate?…your desires go unfulfilled…” –James

I want something you don’t want or you want something I don’t want; therefore, we clash and end up devastating one another.

Our world is full of fighting and warring with one another yet we declare we want a world filled with peace and happy co-existence.

deeclarknz.comIn my 54 years of life, I have learned that we are not always going to agree. Put two or more people in a room and there will be a wide array of emotions, beliefs, goals and opinions. We are all different. We won’t always agree.

We find differences within cultures, communities, social groups, and genders. A relationship will house all of those differences and they will irritate us at some point. We are not going to agree 100% of the time. And we shouldn’t have to agree. But can we live together in a healthy, peaceful way?

How do we repair a relationship that has become a constant confrontation?

Here are 5 effective ways to help you stop “seeing red” and arguing. These will help you work toward healthy resolutions to your disagreements.

  1. Give respect. We all know how painful being disrespected feels. In fact, think of times that you have been disrespected and check your pulse? What are you feeling about that memory? I would guess you are not feeling very pleasant. No one enjoys a situation where they walk away feeling a lack of respect. (We might agree on this point.) The key, then, is to look within your heart and dig up your disrespectful attitudes, words and behaviours to aid in repairing communication.
  1. Deal with Fear. We are afraid that we will become a doormat. We fear our rights will be taken from us. We fear that we won’t be loved. We fear that we will be required to be the only one who is the “bigger person”. Eradicating these fears from our heart is not an easy task. Unresolved fear prevents us from communicating our desires effectively. Unpack the baggage, as “they” say.
  1. Communicate. Communicate. I rarely “get it” or understand a point right away. Neither does my dear husband. “How many times do I have to tell you?” Frustration shades our perspective. Maybe I didn’t get this point, but consider that I did finally understand on other issues. This means I am capable of working with you and not against you. Also, we must be willing to communicate honestly what we really feel about the situation. Attempting to show patience, kindness or an attitude of peace by not speaking up will only lead to a volcanic emotional eruption. Those out-bursts are usually more devastating than healing.
  1. Know when to stop. I don’t mean quit the relationship. I mean don’t carry on a conversation that is turning volatile until you say or do something you will regret. We have all been guilty of saying wrong or hurtful words when a conversation turns too difficult. We also hear of fatal or violent endings once enough buttons have been pushed. No matter how hard you try, you cannot go back and undo damage like I have just described. The consequences of careless words and actions can be far reaching. Learn when to stop. Come back to the conversation when the environment is not as charged -if the issue is important enough to try again. It’s also important to know what and when to let go- not all issues are that important.
  1. Find a third party. If you cannot be open enough with the person you are in a relationship with, ask for help. Might I just add, find appropriate help. Friends, family, children and whoever-just-happens-be-there-at the time are not examples of appropriate help. What usually happens when your issues spill out on the-people-around-you is that you provide them with an opportunity to pick up your offense. When this happens and the two of you work things out, the third party is left with no way to resolve what they are feeling. Be wise. Find a third party with experience in mediation to help you both learn to communicate as effectively as possible.

deeclarknz.comFinally, ask yourself: Is what you disagree about more important that the relationship?

A difference in opinion is healthy. But remember, love the person and show them respect. Love yourself by being open and honest. You and your significant other are valuable.

My hope is that if you are in a constant state of “seeing red”, that these tips will help you cultivate a more open, healthy way of dealing with disagreements.

Thank you for spending some time with me today.



Regie’s Blog: The Fine Madness (depression)

Today, I am reposting a blog my friend has written on the subject of depression. He shares his personal journey as news of Robin Williams death has rocked the air waves since yesterday.

We truly never understand the journey someone else is traveling and the fight they make to keep a balance toward well-being. We can never flippantly assume another soul has “it made” or that their struggles are not important…look inside your heart…the pain of your own struggle is not too different to the person standing near by -no matter how often they smile, laugh or even joke to hide the devastation they feel.

Please be aware that my friend uses language in this piece that you may not use and that I do not use in my blogs. I understand if you prefer not to continue from this point. The vulnerability he shares shows an inside view to the struggle for wholeness. Please visit Reggie’s Blog for the original posting.

I offer my condolences to Robin Williams’ family. I will miss his gift- he made me laugh and smile so many times through the years. He was one of my favorites. My heart is sad to hear of this loss and sad that his heart was so broken.

Over to Regie Hamm:
Posted : 08/12/2014 5:18:14 PM
The doctor looked across his desk at me and asked bluntly, “how many times have you attempted suicide?”

I just stared back at him.

“What are you talking about?” I replied, like a teenager trying to play off getting caught smoking in the bathroom.

He pressed, “Look, I know you’ve at least thought about it. But most likely you’ve actually attempted it. No one I’ve ever treated, with lithium levels as low as yours, has escaped it. Young man, you have very serious clinical depression …and you have had it for years.”

Finally, I broke down and admitted that I’d had the gun out as a teenager and I’d had the bath drawn and the blades ready in my early 20′s. But I’d never actually followed through. I backed out the first time because I didn’t want to hurt my mother like that. I backed out the second time because the pizza (I forgot I had ordered) arrived. It was literally THAT random.

I’ve battled clinical depression my entire adult life. When I was younger, people said I was “moody”. I’ve been called everything from lazy to arrogant, due to my penchant for disappearing inside myself and withdrawing from the world.

I was actually told once that I used “depression” (in air quotes) as an excuse to be an asshole. That one kind of stung …I won’t lie.

Depression is one of those words that is overused and one of those disorders that is all too often “self” diagnosed. “I’m battling depression” is an easy thing to say to get the world off your back, when maybe you just really don’t want to do something. I’ve never tried to use depression as an excuse to shut down. I find it annoying and kind of weak to do that. My grandfather didn’t have time or luxury to be depressed and self-absorbed …he was too busy laying bricks all day to feed his family.

But the truth is depression is real and it can shut you down. As much as I hate to use it as a crutch, I know when I’m “going in.” John Lennon referred to it as “the trough” …I know exactly what he meant. Those who think depression is a direct correlation to your circumstances don’t really understand what it is.

To be honest, my depression has been at bay for the last 12 years for several reasons, but one of the main reasons is MY LIFE HAS BEEN HARD for the last 12 years. Hard times don’t necessarily bring on bouts of depression for those who really suffer from it. Sometimes, tough situations call you into focus and keep you engaged in life in a very healthy way. I’ve found myself spinning into the trough during some of the happiest moments of my life …I never understood that.

I’m lucky, in a sense, because what I do for a living is sort of constant therapy for me. Some people have urged me to write more books and and write less music but the truth is music actually has a healing property for me. I need it to sustain. Making a living at it is just a by-product.

The weirdest things can set off a bout of depression. The way someone looks at you at the grocery store; a song on the radio; an ill-timed phone call from the wrong person. Often the progression goes something like this:

She walks up to me after a show and says, “I love your music. You’re so talented. I hope you make it big one day.” Normally, not one of those phrases will bother me. In fact, 99% of the time I’m completely humbled by any compliment. But that last thing she said gets me thinking, on the drive home …and the voices start …”I hope you make it big someday.” Doesn’t she know that I’ve made it big? Like a couple of times already? Of course not. She doesn’t spend her life following me and my career. Why should she? People don’t do that. They have lives.

But my own inferior patterns keep me grounded in this constant struggle. It’s not about making it big. I don’t care about that. It’s about something I can’t seem to change about myself. I’m trapped in this shell forever. The weight …the alcohol …the things I will never conquer …they keep me in prison. I’m so tired. I wish I could re-set everything. But I’ll still be me if I do …and I’ll eventually mess it all up again. There’s no way out of this. I’m tired.

My wife and kids would probably be better off without me. I bring them down on far too many days. I can’t get out of this hole. I just want to lay in bed. I don’t want to brush my teeth. I don’t want to talk to anybody. I need space and time. No one knows the wars I fight. The terrible wars …in my own head. But those people and things I fight with are as real as anything I can touch. The voices won’t shut up. They keep goading me and telling me things I don’t want to hear. They wear me down until I’m numb.

Now, I can’t feel anything. That idiot who told me happiness was choice is full of shit. I can’t control the fact that I feel so heavy I can barely walk. My body actually hurts from trying to function. That over-zealous Christian keeps telling me to just “rest in Jesus”. I have no fucking idea what that means. It’s some kind of platitude I can’t actually put into action. Does it mean lay down and pray or get in a recliner and read the bible? I don’t know. This pain is almost unbearable. People say they “need” me but the truth is we’re all alone here. We’re all the stars of our own movies. I just need the voices to be quiet. I need the noise to end. I hate music. I hate my own voice. I hate my songs.

I can’t change any of it – I’m stuck in this body with this brain forever. Can I end it? Is there an off-ramp? Pills would be painless. I could just swerve over into the oncoming lane. It would be easy …

Then my phone rings …and I’m back.

That’s how easily an off-handed compliment can send someone with depression over the edge. You shouldn’t stop complimenting people. You shouldn’t stop being kind. The point is for someone with the chemical issue, anything and everything can be a trigger. Someone asking me for directions can be the breaking point. Ironically, someone telling me I suck usually has no effect on me whatsoever. See, I know I don’t suck so that’s easy to dismiss. It’s weird and hard to explain.

I obviously don’t know the details of Robin Williams’ situation. I don’t know what his triggers were. But I do know that clinical depression is real. I’ve managed mine with exercise, diet and an absolute passionate love for my children. At this point in my life I would never do something to them like committing suicide. But I completely understand someone getting so far inside that they can’t reason. If you add drugs and alcohol to that, you have a recipe for disaster.

Robin gave the world joy, but I’m certain he never gave it to himself. Most of us who create use it as a vehicle for escape. His great comedic genius was born out of some great pain somewhere …that will probably never be obvious to the world. He fought for a lot of years to manage it. Some people simply can’t turn off the dark voices and one day they simply listen one minute too long. In that moment, it doesn’t matter if you’re in a mansion, staring at your Academy Award …you will feel hopeless, useless and you will be powerless. Robin Williams, the man who knew all the right things to say, more than likely found himself there.

I am certain I will never kill myself. I’ve gotten to a great place in my life. I’ve had many, MANY conversations with myself about it. I’ve leveled out my chemistry in a lot of ways. I’ve leveled out my psyche in a lot of ways. I’ve been given the gift of some amazing causes to live for. It’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about Angelman Syndrome and adoption. I see a great design in my having been thrown into the deep water of both those things. In short, I’ve got some great reasons to live …and I intend on doing just that.

But for those who can’t quiet the voices, I urge you to call a friend. Go to a movie. Get out of bed one more time and take a drive someplace. Go to the humane shelter and hold puppies. Go to the maternity ward of a hospital and stare at newborns. Fight for another day. Turn this curse into a gift, somehow. Put down the sugar, caffeine and alcohol. Put on some running shoes and try to get a mile away from the pain. Do whatever you can do …and don’t let the bastard win.


Thank you, Regie, for sharing your journey. I appreciate the truth you have shared. Much love from my heart to yours!


the 3 simple ways to find appreciation and significance


If you want to be seen, stand up.
If you want to be heard, speak up.
If you want to be appreciated, shut up.”
― Bill Cosby

do you long to feel significant? do want to be appreciated for the amazing person you know you can be?

yeah, me, too.

one of our strongest core needs is for acceptance; to be seen for who we really and fully are.

in our search for acceptance we begin to hide who we really are in fear that our differences, our idiosyncrasies, our quirks, our failings, and our weaknesses are too undesirable for others to see. we convince ourselves that if others really knew who we are or what we really are, they will walk away from us. we fear their reaction. then, we make a decision that fitting in is more important than finding joy by expressing who we really are. we begin to bury our true self and project an image we want others to believe.

we hide.

mired in a state of insecurity, feeling small, invisible, irrelevant, and insignificant many of us journey through life silently, withdrawn and fearful.

this is painful and leaves us dissatisfied.

i’ve spent much of my life demanding perfection of myself and falling short and feeling inadequate on a regular basis. “i’m not good enough” and “what i have to say is not important enough” can run our lives and leave us feeling empty and unappreciated. even though we understand this to be true, appreciating ourselves, accepting and loving ourselves can be easier said than done.

here are 3 simple ways to find significance and appreciation:

1. if you want to be seen, stand up. i found a trusted friend that i could allow “the real me” to stand forward to. i remember days that i felt paralyzed, wanting to run and hide. yet, i didn’t. little by little, I began to stand up and shine in my own brilliance. what we don’t realize is that people are usually rooting for us to succeed and are truly interested in the unique being we are. they want to know what makes us tick, what inspires us, what brings us joy. when we are courageous to reveal who we are to them, we enrich their lives and inspire them to be courageous as well.

2. if you want to be heard, speak up. i found that it’s not necessary to bolster and qualify everything i have to say. expressing my passion about what i am voicing, even when different from someone else’s point of view, can be met with appreciation and respect. it is important to know what i want and possess the ability to communicate it to others. beating around the bush, hem-hawing, being mousy and indecisive are frustrating. most people appreciate a person who is confident and direct. this often empowers them to have the courage to speak up for themselves.

3. if you want to be appreciated, shut up. ok, i am not contradicting myself here (nor is Bill Cosby who originated this point). validate others. listen. in the same way that you strongly desire to be heard…recognize that others do as well. our inner critic can drive us to be critical and judgemental as a means to level the playing field. if we criticize the person in front of us, we somehow feel less critical about ourselves…only, it doesn’t work that way. when we validate others, we are offering them the opportunity for acceptance, appreciation and significance and we begin to release ourselves from our own inner prison. what we sow, we reap. encouraging others to be brave enough to stand up, speak up and find appreciation speaks to our hearts that we can be braver, stronger and bolder as we endeavour to release who we really are. people appreciate us giving them the freedom to be their true self.

be free to love everything about you. your strengths and your flaws -they make you who you are. come to love who you are, then you can then be free to love others. allow the real you to stand up and shine. find courage to explore ways to express yourself and you will discover freedom.

make your journey meaningful, satisfying and significant by being really and fully you…appreciate yourself and watch others follow your example.

6 ways to support children facing difficult situations

the phone rang and i could hear the excitement in her voice, “he had a great day. in fact, they both did.”

tears welled up in my eyes and i did my best not to burst into tears; i was both thrilled and relieved. i might add, i was also proud of my daughter.

as a mother, my heart aches when my children struggle in painful situations. it’s even worse, when there is nothing i can do that seems to make a real difference.

however, there was an incredible outcome this time…

let me take you back to the beginning.

my grandson is such a loving little man. my daughter was a single mom for most of his first fives years and for his age, he was quite emotionally sensitive and gentle. several times a day, he would stop, look at his mother and say, “mum, you’re so beautiful.” when he turned five and started school, he often shared similar compliments with his new teacher.

as well, he is bright and learns quickly. he began attending school in the middle of the year and easily caught up to the expected academic learning levels.

their little family moved before his second year of school which meant a change of schools.

the change we began to notice was not only in the change of schools…our little man was changing, too.

first, my daughter noticed that he began eating non-food items. she tried everything she could think of: distract, change diet, add vitamins and iron, and visits to the doctor for professional advice. nothing was working. she googled what she was witnessing and found that the condition was called pica. he began to have serious health issues.

she felt helpless and i felt helpless as well.

the eating disorder was not the only change we noticed. he was often unsettled and easily agitated. this was not normal. at all.

we looked at things at home that may be contributing. we wanted to ensure that he was only involved in age appropriate games, TV, and activities. we looked at possible stress points. we were coming up with nothing.

when we talked to him about his days at school, he would mention what sounded like a bit of play ground bullying. so, we turned to the school. they had nothing to report. the school year was ending so we hoped a summer break and a new school year might help bring a solution. summer went well…he was more settled and we were hopeful.

this year was his third year of school and things were not better-they were going from bad to worse? my daughter began nursing school and her schedule became quite busy and stressful. the school began to call with reports of aggressive behaviour. what? we could not fathom what was happening.

the calls continued to come in from the teacher and my daughter was becoming more and more desperate. we arranged support meetings with the teacher, the assist principal and finally, the principal.

he continued to tell us stories that truly sounded like bullying.

the calls continued to come in. his teacher often explained that his aggressive behaviour seemed to be a result of other children “winding him up” as if he were retaliating. yet, when asked, there did not seem to be any support for him in preventing the “winding up”.

i volunteered to become a substitute (grand)parent aid since my daughter’s time was fully committed with her studies. i noticed an overwhelmed first year teacher, i noticed aggressive playground confrontations, and many situations where adult support was missing when it was much needed. we continued to schedule meetings with school staff attempting to resolve the situation. nothing…at all…was working.

my heart ached for my daughter and i began to feel concern for my grandson. this was not our little boy…he was becoming unhealthy, he was not our happy care-free child and he was becoming reserved and frustrated.

one day while on the playground with him, he pointed to a hedge at the back of the school and told me, “deedee, i used to hide in there during recess but they cut it down.” i was stunned, “jake, why did you hide in the hedge?” “because i’m afraid.”

i wanted to cry.

instead, we attempted to find support from the staff.

sadly, it was becoming clearer that the environment was not safe for him.

she withdrew him from the school at the end of the term and transferred him back to his old school.

which brings me back to the phone call i described at the beginning of this post.

the change of environment is beginning to make a huge difference.

the principal has placed him in a classroom with a male teacher…which he loves. already, we can tell that his teacher understands how little boys think and learn…brilliant.

his smile and gentle demeanour are back. the pica disorder is hardly noticeable (and i expect it to cease altogether). most importantly, he is less stressed and safe.

what a relief…it may not solve all the issues we were facing but we are off to great start.

children are vulnerable and often find it difficult to communicate how they need help.

here are 6 ways to support children when they face difficult situations:
1. trust your instinct. you know your child better than anyone in the world. if things don’t add up, take action.

2. listen and believe them. although children can get facts wrong sometimes, it’s important to listen carefully. they will give you clues to the fact that there is a problem even if they don’t understand what the problem is. the clues are there: change in behaviour, frustration levels,
emotions and personality. you will find they will attempt to verbalize to the best of their ability, listen.

3. be involved. you will know, instinctively, if you are dealing with a situation that the child needs to work through him/herself. however, if he/she begins to struggle-be involved. sometimes, they just need to know there is back up support. sometimes, they need intervention.

4. be fearless to make the difficult decisions. give yourself the benefit of the doubt. there might be difficult decisions to make to ensure their well-being…make them.

5. ask for help and support. don’t be afraid to reach out for support. we all need help/support from time to time and that is what family and community are about. reach out!

6. don’t give up…no matter how long it takes to resolve. there were times when we were at our wits end. times, when we doubted what we did know, our instincts and decisions. however, my daughter didn’t give up. she started and stayed with it until she was able to narrow the issues down even to make an informed decision. it was stressful. it was difficult to get people to listen. we cried together but we DID NOT stop.

so, the day that my daughter called with good news…we celebrated!

we were grateful…all was well again.

do you have any tips to share about helping children through difficult situations? i would love to hear them. please share them in a comment below.

oh, and give your sweet babies a hug…that’s always a great place to start.

see you next time,

you are a masterpiece

20140705-003530-2130096.jpgwe all have to remove the excess so that the world can see all of who we are…all of our unique beauty.

what happiness means to me

20140704-205738-75458506.jpgfor me, happiness is born out of gratitude.

in my life, gratitude accesses joy.

joy is a gift that produces brilliance from deep within my heart and soul.

as a young woman, my mom used to tell me that i may not always be happy about my circumstances but that i could be content.

contentment nurtures and guards gratitude.

as women, we can find ourselves in a state of wanting…

to be less sad…

to be more beautiful…

to be more alive…

to attain more of the things we want when we are not satiated from within.

when i find myself drifting in this direction, i have learned the importance of getting alone with my heart.

time for a heart to heart.

i’ve even stood in front of my mirror so i could look myself in the eye, as i would a friend.

i direct my thoughts toward gratitude…

for all that i am and was created to be…

And for all that i have divinely been blessed with.

the warmth of the sun on my face makes me happy but unfortunately summer is short lived in NZ. therefore, i am grateful for warm hugs, an electric blanket, and new warm jacket my daughter blessed me with this week.

watermelon and American style pickles make me happy but are difficult to source where i live. therefore, i grateful for every sweet bite i enjoyed on my vacation last month.

getting along with my husband makes me happy but sometimes we disagree and must work together to restore peace between us. therefore, i am grateful that God brought love into my life and that i have someone special with whom i share my life.

gratitude and joy colors our world with real happiness.

happiness paints our world with a brightness that shines from deep within our heart-the core of our being.

this is what happiness means to me.

it is a gift from God

and i am forever grateful.

how about you? how grateful are you for all of who you are and all that you have?

answering this question with require a deeper look into your heart where your emotions dwell. discovering the answer will lead you toward real happiness. happiness that can not be easily stolen.

i’m happy that you stopped by today!


what does real happiness look like?

20140703-111654-40614923.jpgtoday, reader, i’m going to ask for a favor.

i would greatly appreciate it if you could give me a few minutes of your day to answer a question.

what does real happiness look like to you?

take a few minutes to look inside your heart…

think about all aspects of your life…

when do you feel the most harmony within…

what brings satisfaction to your life…

real happiness requires less than you think…

what do you think?

what does real happiness look like?

i can’t wait to hear your answers!

thank you for the favor! you are awesome!


how to make a difference in someone’s life

how to prove you are sagacious

20140316-163915.jpgare you sagacious?

women my age might imagine it to be a description of what gravity tends to do to their body over the years.

but no.

not even close.

20140316-173223.jpgif you are sagacious -you have or show keen mental discernment and good judgement; you are wise or shrewd.

i think being sagacious would benefit my journey. how about you?

there is a simple test.

this is how you know if you are sagacious:

Wise are those who restrain their talking; people with understanding are coolheaded. Fools who keep quiet are deemed wise; those who shut their lips are smart. -Proverbs

have you ever been told, “if you know what’s good for you…” or “if you were smart you’d shut your mouth!”

the word smart refers to being sagacious or prudent.

this week, i have shared with you several posts concerning anger.

in my post how to handle emotions: anger, i discussed that anger can be a very useful emotion and that instinctively we feel anger when we are at risk of danger or loss. it’s easy to see this displayed in the animal kingdom; wound a bear, and watch it get angry. attempt to take a bone that your dog is enjoying and, quickly, you realize he’s not going to just lie there and let you take it from him.

we need our angry emotions. they are a safety mechanism.

however, beyond safety…they can get us into a lot of trouble.

do you understand the number 1 way that we get ourselves into trouble when we feel a burst of anger?

our mouth!

you know, “my mouth has a way if getting me into trouble!”

boy, do i know that statement is the truth.


by experience.

throughout my 54 year journey, i have been known to have “a mouth on me”.

here are 3 things that have made my blood boil over the years:

1. rudeness. if i am sitting in a resturant and a customer is being rude and demeaning to the waitress, i see red!

2. cruelty. i don’t like bullying in any form. when i observe cruelty to someone who is helpless due to age, strength or capability, i want to explode!

3. i hate to be told to “shut up”. i think it’s a rude statement so it’s similar to my first reason. when my daughter was very young, i told her it was a naughty word. so, she would gasp when she heard someone say it. i am pretty shy at times and have not always been comfortable with having my say…so, i don’t want to be told that i have to shut up in the middle of a sentence. i can get fired up!

these are three things that “push my button.” my anger button.

it has taken me many years and resulting pain to fully gain the “understanding” that it is wise to keep my mouth restrained and if i can’t restraint it -to just keep it shut.

now, that does not mean i don’t stand up for the people being mistreated.

there is a right way and a wrong way to confront someone. anger tends to cause us to forget reason, common sense and good judgement.

how can you prove you are sagacious? by having the good judgement and presence of mind to understand and discern when to speak (with restraint) or when to shut your mouth (rather just be quiet).

a wise person, a person who wants to prevent heartache, pain and suffering to their heart understand that being cool-headed when they need to address a situation will bring better results.

usually, we learn this the hard way…

by personal experience.

the Proverbs tell us that wisdom cries out to us so that heartache and pain can be prevented.

believe me, at 54 year old woman and a person who hates to be told to “shut up”, i’ve learned it’s better that i restrain my own mouth.

the reward?


i enjoy peace much more than turmoil, conflict and heartache.

have you ever said, “i wish i had kept my big mouth shut?”

yeah, me, too.

maybe next time…

it would be wise to do just that.

have a peaceful week,