there are days when I feel a million miles away. my heart is yearning for a far away place. the warmth of love, the comfort of familiar places and faces. i have many blessings here…but there is no place like home.
Monthly Archives: March 2014
how to prove you are sagacious
are you sagacious?
women my age might imagine it to be a description of what gravity tends to do to their body over the years.
but no.
not even close.
if you are sagacious -you have or show keen mental discernment and good judgement; you are wise or shrewd.
i think being sagacious would benefit my journey. how about you?
there is a simple test.
this is how you know if you are sagacious:
Wise are those who restrain their talking; people with understanding are coolheaded. Fools who keep quiet are deemed wise; those who shut their lips are smart. -Proverbs
have you ever been told, “if you know what’s good for you…” or “if you were smart you’d shut your mouth!”
the word smart refers to being sagacious or prudent.
this week, i have shared with you several posts concerning anger.
in my post how to handle emotions: anger, i discussed that anger can be a very useful emotion and that instinctively we feel anger when we are at risk of danger or loss. it’s easy to see this displayed in the animal kingdom; wound a bear, and watch it get angry. attempt to take a bone that your dog is enjoying and, quickly, you realize he’s not going to just lie there and let you take it from him.
we need our angry emotions. they are a safety mechanism.
however, beyond safety…they can get us into a lot of trouble.
do you understand the number 1 way that we get ourselves into trouble when we feel a burst of anger?
our mouth!
you know, “my mouth has a way if getting me into trouble!”
boy, do i know that statement is the truth.
how?
by experience.
throughout my 54 year journey, i have been known to have “a mouth on me”.
here are 3 things that have made my blood boil over the years:
1. rudeness. if i am sitting in a resturant and a customer is being rude and demeaning to the waitress, i see red!
2. cruelty. i don’t like bullying in any form. when i observe cruelty to someone who is helpless due to age, strength or capability, i want to explode!
3. i hate to be told to “shut up”. i think it’s a rude statement so it’s similar to my first reason. when my daughter was very young, i told her it was a naughty word. so, she would gasp when she heard someone say it. i am pretty shy at times and have not always been comfortable with having my say…so, i don’t want to be told that i have to shut up in the middle of a sentence. i can get fired up!
these are three things that “push my button.” my anger button.
it has taken me many years and resulting pain to fully gain the “understanding” that it is wise to keep my mouth restrained and if i can’t restraint it -to just keep it shut.
now, that does not mean i don’t stand up for the people being mistreated.
there is a right way and a wrong way to confront someone. anger tends to cause us to forget reason, common sense and good judgement.
how can you prove you are sagacious? by having the good judgement and presence of mind to understand and discern when to speak (with restraint) or when to shut your mouth (rather just be quiet).
a wise person, a person who wants to prevent heartache, pain and suffering to their heart understand that being cool-headed when they need to address a situation will bring better results.
usually, we learn this the hard way…
by personal experience.
the Proverbs tell us that wisdom cries out to us so that heartache and pain can be prevented.
believe me, at 54 year old woman and a person who hates to be told to “shut up”, i’ve learned it’s better that i restrain my own mouth.
the reward?
peace.
i enjoy peace much more than turmoil, conflict and heartache.
have you ever said, “i wish i had kept my big mouth shut?”
yeah, me, too.
maybe next time…
it would be wise to do just that.
have a peaceful week,
D
a strong person does not get angry quickly
He that is slow to anger is better than a mighty warrior; better to be someone who controls his temper than someone who conquers a city. -Proverbs
my husband constantly tells me how much strategy, discipline and strength are required in the art of war. warriors train to be focused, function in the worst of conditions, make wise decisions, and to be strong enough to face an opponent and overcome him.
i feel a great deal of respect and honor when i meet a member of the military. although i’ve never been to battle, i understand this job is not an easy one.
the men and women who face our nation’s enemies on the battlefield are admired for their strength physically and mentally.
wisdom tells us that the person who can control his/her anger is stronger than a great warrior.
it shows as much strength (and requires as much strength) as it does for someone who defeats a city.
in other words, it’s takes great strength of character to not fly-off-the-handle. you must train and practice in varying circumstance to build the skill necessary to maintain self-control.
it’s not an easy skill to learn.
however, developing self-control over anger makes us more wise and set us on the path of success. after all the proverbs are given to us to give us keys to living more successful as we travel our journey.
next time your temper flares…maybe counting to 10 is a good thing to practice.
10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…!
slow down, think clearly and keep a cool head!
how to handle emotions: anger
let’s talk about how to handle the emotion called anger.
if you have been following my blog this week i shared a couple of blogs on anger: the path fear follows and to whom is anger most dangerous.
anger is a valuable emotion when managed properly.
to a great extent the sudden excitement on the reception of an injury is involuntary, and consequently innocent. anger is excited when a horse kicks us; when we stub our toe on a chair or when someone raises his hand to strike us. the purpose is rouse us to an immediate defense of ourselves when suddenly attacked. it prompts immediate action to self-protection. however, when that is done its proper purpose ceases.
beyond this purpose, anger is like poison.
this is why Paul offered the wisdom to “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry.” (MSG) you might be more familiar with the KJV that basically says to anger and sin not; don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.
either way, the wisdom in this advice is that anger should be dealt with quickly and not allowed to sit within our heart boiling away until it fuels a desire to extract revenge.
valuable advice…
difficult to practice.
following a very volatile divorce and custody battle, i found my heart broken and full of pain.
each unresolved, threatening issue caused me to feel more and more vulnerable and at risk.
there were valid reasons for my anger and i desperately wanted to save myself from real and perceived danger.
anger began to fill my heart.
my heart was becoming a storage vessel. mark twain stated that anger is an acid that can do more harm to a vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
this was true in my case.
not only, was my anger ineffective in dealing with my ex, but my heart was so full of anger that i became explosive at minor annoyances in other areas of my life. the anger was refusing to remain contained.
i was losing my ability to walk my journey in peace.
this made my existence miserable.
the price was far to high…i began to crave the return of peace in my life. i had held on to this anger far too long.
i had to get a grip on this emotion.
first, i had to stop treating the anger as a cherished treasure. no more defending my right to be angry. it may have had a purpose but it was not something to cherish or continually reflect upon.
i had to “let it go!” i could not sleep on it one more night. this was difficult because i wanted justice.
Or rather i had convinced myself that justice was the reason i needed to hold on so tightly. the reality is that i had been harbouring a desire for revenge.
i also cherished ill-will against the person and not the action.
i started by making a list of appropriate responses; speak kindly or don’t speak at all; make maintaining peace a top priority; listen more carefully to what was being said and not what i perceived as being said; take a “time out” if i felt my anger levels rising; and no matter the action-forgive and release quickly (stop rehearsing how i had been wronged in my head and to others).
it took practice. it required restraint. sometimes I had to just be “quiet” until i returned to a calm state of mind. and i prayed a lot…”Lord, give me strength!” my southern friends will know what I mean. 😎
i did get there.
if you find, your heart constantly exploding in anger, remember:
-anger may not be unavoidable.
-anger has proper bounds. do not allow it to overstep them.
-do not cherish it.
-do not let it remain in your heart all day long. let it go as quickly as possible.
-let the last rays of sun find you always peaceful and calm.
peace is far more rewarding and makes life’s journey enjoyable.
D
anger
could i have more time today, please?
today was one of those days that i wished i could cram a few more hours into the day. i contemplated my list of things “to do”; laundry, floors, gardens, business emails, and paperwork.
however, the sun was shining today. that hasn’t happened very often this summer (and now autumn has begun). i imagined that long walk that i keep putting off because the weather has been crook. i also wanted to visit some of my fellow bloggers and meander through their posts. i was yearning to write as well. although, i am still learning i have found a passion ignited deep inside of me for sitting with my thoughts and then getting them down. i have women that i am sharing some of my life experiences with and so my thoughts and prayers were lingering with them as well. i needed more time today if i had any chance of getting it all accomplished.
more time in my day was not available. i decided to grab one more cup of coffee and stroll down the halls of the blogosphere. along the way, i visited miss managing. i find her photographs intriguing since i am a budding photographer (ok, i’m a wanna-be but photography and my camera make me happy). she posted a video entitled 10 reasons you should never get a job by Ralph Smart. although, his approach is so much different than mine, he made a couple of good points about working for yourself…one, when you work for yourself you are not trapped by a time clock and secondly, that you also have the freedom to form your day anyway you like.
he had a point…it was a rather good point at that. i do not have the constraints i once had on my 9 to 5 job (cough, cough…because it was never just 9 to 5). i am blessed to have the flexibility to make this day go in any direction. 
i dusted off my tennis shoes because i was going to actually start that daily 3k walk that i had procrastinated for far too long. while i was at it, the camera might as well be my companion.
the sea air hit my nostrils and it was a perfect time to take a few deep breaths. i could feel anxiety waft away with every exhale. i was ready. the first thing i noticed was the harbour was alive with boats this morning…coming in…and going out.
the oyster boats were coming in with their catches and the ferry was heading to Stewart Island to deliver tourists.
the birds were as happy as i was that the sun was shining…fluttering and singing away…they seemed cheerful which made me smile.
the last of the season’s flowers were beginning to show signs that autumn was appearing but final blooms were bursting forth as if to kiss the sun a few final times.
the horizon was not obstructed by clouds or fog today so even the distant light house was in full view.
a varied from my path for a few moments of rock time and watch the water glisten and splash…
and focused on the small plants living beneath the clear water.
and, yes, i stared at the deep blue water hoping that i might catch a glimpse of a passing whale…but not today…that dream lives on in my heart destined for another time.
i reached my turn around point and headed back home. as i walked, Marv and Ann were just arriving at their home. i planned to give a cheerful, “good’ay” (it’s the one kiwi saying i take most pleasure in attempting to copy). he spoke first, “are you a local?” “i am now”, i replied. we chattered away for several minutes and just as i thought we were completing the conversation, Marv asks, “would you like a cup of tea?” this is where i am always jolted back into the reality that i am an american in a differing culture. i always considered my family to be hospitable but when a totals stranger whom i have met only moments before invites me into their home from off the street…i never ceased to feel anything but amazement. i accepted the invitation. we shared an hour sipping a cup of tea while Marv and Ann gave me some history on Bluff (after all, Marv has lived in Bluff for 80 years) and the Mutton Bird Islands. in his younger days, Marv was an oysterman which was fascinating since my husband and i now farm oysters.
the clam shells from Fiji in Ann’s garden sparked more conversation and Ann gave me a tour of her beautiful gardens.
i headed back home with a song in my heart…i did a bit of reading to start my morning, i enjoyed my walk, i met new friends, i snapped a few photographs, sat on a rock listening to the waves crash in, and now i am back home putting a few of my thoughts down…
and it’s still early afternoon…
i might not need added hours in this day…
i think i’m on a pretty good roll!
i certainly hope that you are enjoying your day as well.
D
you mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger
dream…dream, dream, dream…dream
dreaming is the starting point of achieving your goal.
if it never occurs to you that they can do it, you won’t try.
when you begin to dream big dreams, you begin to change the way you see yourself and your life.
you begin to do different things.
until the whole direction of your life changes for the better.
dreaming bigger dreams is the starting point.
allowing yourself to dream bigger raises your self-esteem, your self-respect and increases your self-confidence. thus increasing your happiness.
dreams and visions stimulate you to do better than you ever have before.
this is important because the gifts and skills that you were created with are more than enough to make your dreams come true.
think about how we describe a genius.
a math genius seems to effortlessly work with math figures and formulas.
a music genius plays or sings music as naturally as they breath.
what are you a genius at doing?
“who me? i’m no genius?”
really?
what do you do that seems almost second nature to you?
do you have an eye for detail, a great sense of humor, a nurturing side, the ability to focus intently, or being playful.
this is your genius. those things that come easily and profoundly, without needing to expend a lot of energy.
recognize the genius in yourself…are you a genius mother, teacher, listener, confidant, manager, organizer, or factory worker?
there are many, many who have never been called “genius” who serve in genius ways.
those “gifts” are the resources you need to make your dreams come true!
they were given to you by design.
you mustn’t be afraid to dream…
dream a little bigger.
it’s a great place to start.
do it today…get started!
D
the path fear follows
the unknown
and the unpredictable…the what “if”s…maybe “i can’t”s…the different…
all strike a chord of fear deep in the heart.
this chord sings out that we are helplessness…that our dreams, our future and even our very survival is under threat.
illusive threats pierce through our hopes and frustration sets in.
frustration is enraging; igniting the fiery emotion…anger.
anger is powerful, swift and blinds the heart to reason. anger causes us to want to fight leading us to aggressive behaviours.
but anger must have fuel…it will fizzle with time…and hatred is the fuel that keeps anger burning.
i have found that hate is like cancer. if unattended, it grows deep roots within the heart crowding out love.
hatred alienates us from each other. the heart, dark with hatred, closes in on itself and is no longer capable of fully opening up to embrace love of any kind.
withdrawal from love causes suffering which takes many forms; unforgiveness, regret, discontent, resentment and apathy.
suffering places us back to the unknown, thus reverting to fear…the cycle continues.
we fear a broken heart…
when we fear having our heart broken, it’s not so much about the pain as it is the thought that if broken we can never be whole again.
the anger begins with someone who has broken our heart in the past but swiftly moves toward hatred of potential heart breakers. a closed, isolated heart suffers in loneliness…fearing it will never find it’s deepest desire again.
we fear each other…
we fear that as we observe another person’s creativity (sometimes their very “being”) that there will be no room left for who we are or what we have to give.
fear is birthed in our thoughts and we must be courageous enough to look at it head on…sometimes shaking in our boots…and render it powerless. we must strip fear of it’s power before it takes root.
fear is a lie.
truth, love and hope know no fear…
they blossom in the heart making no room for fear to reside.
Her Majesty’s Ship Wellington visits Bluff
yesterday was anything but a normal day in Bluff.
normally, the streets are quiet with minor rumblings of tourists as they stroll along.
however, yesterday the town seemed to jump to life.
there were cars and people every where.
Her Majesty’s New Zealand Ship Wellington was in port and extended a welcome to the area locals to come aboard for tours.
my grandfather was in the US Navy during WWII so i was interested in seeing what a NZ naval ship would be like.
so, we headed over to the port for a “bit of a nosey” as they say here.
Wellington is one of 12 in Her Majesty’s fleet.
she is one of 2 Offshore Patrol Vessels that conduct patrol and surveillance operations around NZ, the Southern Ocean and the Pacific.
“Our Navy is the guardian of New Zealand’s Maritime Domain. It is our job to ensure safe passage for New Zealand’s shipping, to safeguard our maritime environment, to protect our fisheries and other resources and to go to the aid of our neighbours in times of disaster and other need.
“We are prepared and able to go into harm’s way in combat; it is the high end of what embodies our fighting spirit and an expectation of those for whom we serve, all New Zealanders. “
-Chief of Navy Rear Admiral Jack Steer
My grandfather, Benny Hartness, of the US Navy WWII
my afternoon with my camera
i spent the day home alone yesterday (remember i did a happy dance?).
i decided to grab my camera, take a drive and snap…snap…snap…
and i am sharing them with you today.
enjoy the photos…
maybe close your eyes imagine the smell of the sea air.
deeclarknz.com 