what happiness means to me

Posted on July 4, 2014 by Dee Clark

for me, happiness is born out of gratitude.

in my life, gratitude accesses joy.

joy is a gift that produces brilliance from deep within my heart and soul.

as a young woman, my mom used to tell me that i may not always be happy about my circumstances but that i could be content.

contentment nurtures and guards gratitude.

as women, we can find ourselves in a state of wanting…

to be less sad…

to be more beautiful…

to be more alive…

to attain more of the things we want when we are not satiated from within.

when i find myself drifting in this direction, i have learned the importance of getting alone with my heart.

time for a heart to heart.

i’ve even stood in front of my mirror so i could look myself in the eye, as i would a friend.

i direct my thoughts toward gratitude…

for all that i am and was created to be…

And for all that i have divinely been blessed with.

the warmth of the sun on my face makes me happy but unfortunately summer is short lived in NZ. therefore, i am grateful for warm hugs, an electric blanket, and new warm jacket my daughter blessed me with this week.

watermelon and American style pickles make me happy but are difficult to source where i live. therefore, i grateful for every sweet bite i enjoyed on my vacation last month.

getting along with my husband makes me happy but sometimes we disagree and must work together to restore peace between us. therefore, i am grateful that God brought love into my life and that i have someone special with whom i share my life.

gratitude and joy colors our world with real happiness.

happiness paints our world with a brightness that shines from deep within our heart-the core of our being.

this is what happiness means to me.

it is a gift from God

and i am forever grateful.

how about you? how grateful are you for all of who you are and all that you have?

answering this question with require a deeper look into your heart where your emotions dwell. discovering the answer will lead you toward real happiness. happiness that can not be easily stolen.

i’m happy that you stopped by today!

what does real happiness look like?

Posted on July 3, 2014 by Dee Clark

today, reader, i’m going to ask for a favor.

i would greatly appreciate it if you could give me a few minutes of your day to answer a question.

what does real happiness look like to you?

take a few minutes to look inside your heart…

think about all aspects of your life…

when do you feel the most harmony within…

what brings satisfaction to your life…

real happiness requires less than you think…

what do you think?

what does real happiness look like?

i can’t wait to hear your answers!

thank you for the favor! you are awesome!

kids say the funniest things: my day at school

Posted on April 1, 2014 by Dee Clark

i have two grand children: Jake almost 7 yrs old and Ella who just turned 6 yrs old.

i started volunteering today at my grand children’s school. apparently, it’s not common in NZ schools to have parent volunteers. the children were amazed to have a new face in their classrooms. it seemed even more intriguing to them since i was a grand parent.

i thought i would share some of the funny things the children said to me today.

i truly enjoyed myself and look forward to going back.

the cute things children said to me today:
1. Who are you and why are you here?

2. Teacher: Jake, would you like to tell the class who this is and why she is here? Jake: This is my great grandma. She’s here to help us do fun stuff. If she says to us to us to read a book, should we say yes or no?

3. Boy: That girl likes me! (Me:she does? How do you know?) boy: cause I’m hot.

4. (Girl swinging from the monkey bars): I’m having a break from school for a while…I’m too tired for school.

5. Are you sure you are jake’s great grandma? My great grandma is real old. I think she’s like 50 or something. How old are you? (Jake: in 1 more year she will be as old as my mom!) (I’m 53 and my daughter is 25!)

6. girl: I have a really big house. We need lots of room because my grandma lives with us and she takes up a lot of room. If she would move out we wouldn’t have to live in a big house anymore.

7. Me to a little boy with hair the color of Ella’s: it looks like you and Ella have been coloring out of the same crayon box. Little boy: yip! We have the best color. (They both have red hair).

8. I asked if someone could show me where the restroom was. My grandson volunteered to show me where to find it. A little girl said to me: it’s probably better if you use the girl one. (I assured her i would make sure he showed me to the right one).

9. Standing at the restroom door one little girl says to me: look, if there are wees on the seat, just wipe it off with your hand. No worries.

A Secret About “That Woman” in Your Life

Posted on March 21, 2014 by Dee Clark

i love this photo. this is my maternal grandmother driving a tractor on the family farm.

i don’t think i could drive a tractor to save my life. i have excuses like i’m so short that i can’t see important things around me and i have been known to run over things in a big vehicle, let alone a big tractor.

but, i’m not afraid to roll my sleeves up and get my hands dirty. i mean, really dirty! eww, some if the jobs I have agreed to do for the sake of my family and family business makes my head spin sometimes.

want to know a secret about women?

a woman will give you everything she’s got to give!

she will!

she will get up early, work her fingers to the bone, give every last ounce of strength she can muster in her day and collapse only after everyone else is fully looked after knowing within a few hours (if she gets a few hours of uninterrupted sleep) she will start all over again.

she does it because of the deep well of love that resides in her heart.

i have been reading so many posts, blogs, notes, and tweets from exhausted women all over the world. these women are assisting hard working men, growing children, people who are unable to help themselves, elderly family members, charities and friends.

they give and give…

what would your world be like without “that women” who keeps it flowing so seemlessly?

the secret is that women will give to you beyond what you can imagine -you don’t have to manipulate or extract it from her! in return, her heart needs your respect, love and appreciation.

respect, love and appreciation will fuel her in ways that not even she understands.

celebrate her!

cherish her!

hug her!

and today (if not everyday!)..,

thank her.

because she is aiding your success, one tiny, exhausting task at a time!

and believe me…it’s no small thing…until those tiny tasks land in your lap and you need to fill her shoes.

i give honor to my grandmothers, my aunts, my cousins and MY MOTHER (whose shoes i’ll never properly fill), my friends, and readers who give and have given so selflessly to make life more successful.

you are awesome!
D

test your anger coping skills

Posted on March 17, 2014 by Dee Clark

you might be wondering why i am committing so much time on the subject of anger this past week.

the reason is that i place a high value on peace in my life. i believe that i need to guard my heart against anything that might diminish or steal the level of peace that i require for a healthy existence.

there are many things that can affect peace; anger has a big impact along with guilt, stress, and conflict, to name a few.

therefore, i like to do a self assessment from time to time. i liken it to having a yearly physical or mammogram in order to be assured that things are functioning like they should be. as with my physical well-being, preventive maintenance is the best medicine.

i have a life plan and a value system that i use to guide my decisions and monitor my behaviours (i’ll list a few below):
1. there are socially acceptable behaviours and codes of conduct.
2. there are good manners
3. the 10 commandments
4. the wisdom given in the Proverbs
5. the law of love as outlined in Ephesians
6. and others

i use these as a road map along my journey. i deem them a valuable compass for guiding me along the pathway.

in addition, i have a bit of a mental checklist. when dealing with anger, i have learned to ask myself ,”will this matter to me or will i even remember this in five years?” it slows me down enough to prevent rash reactions. if the answer is “yes”, i can pursue the issue. if the answer is “no”, i can applied some anger management skills.

since i have been on the subject, i decided that i would give myself a little check up. i’ve been pretty happy with the way i have been managing anger but i thought it wouldn’t hurt to do a simple assessment.

i went to the Psychology Today website and took their anger management test. it consists of 10 questions and only took 5 minutes to complete. it is only a simple gauge to assess if there might be an need for adjustments in managing this emotion.

my overall score was low indicating that i am rather skilled at coping with potentially angering situations. however, i was cautioned to make sure that i am coping well rather than suppressing anger.

i was pleased with this result and it was in line with my own internal assessment of how things are going. after all, if there is a problem, i usually know there is a problem without having it pointed out to me; unlike my physical condition -where there might be a symptom-free problem present.

if there is an anger problem- i know it…and so do those around me. i tend to become edgy, agitated or annoyed at minor situations. there was a time when i wasn’t managing this emotion very well that i often felt like a ticking time bomb. the indicators are present and signal that a problem exists. the reasons vary; again, stress, unresolved issues, frustration or misunderstanding can be triggers.

i encourage you to take the test. it is easy to do. keeping a pulse on your emotion well-being is very beneficial. if adjustments are required, it is much easier to handle when it’s a small issue rather than letting it become a bigger problem.

maintaining peace will make your journey much easier to travel.

my wish is that your heart be filled with peace,
D

home: my heart is yearning for a far away place

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Dee Clark

there are days when I feel a million miles away. my heart is yearning for a far away place. the warmth of love, the comfort of familiar places and faces. i have many blessings here…but there is no place like home.

how to prove you are sagacious

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Dee Clark

are you sagacious?

women my age might imagine it to be a description of what gravity tends to do to their body over the years.

but no.

not even close.

if you are sagacious -you have or show keen mental discernment and good judgement; you are wise or shrewd.

i think being sagacious would benefit my journey. how about you?

there is a simple test.

this is how you know if you are sagacious:

Wise are those who restrain their talking; people with understanding are coolheaded. Fools who keep quiet are deemed wise; those who shut their lips are smart. -Proverbs

have you ever been told, “if you know what’s good for you…” or “if you were smart you’d shut your mouth!”

the word smart refers to being sagacious or prudent.

this week, i have shared with you several posts concerning anger.

in my post how to handle emotions: anger, i discussed that anger can be a very useful emotion and that instinctively we feel anger when we are at risk of danger or loss. it’s easy to see this displayed in the animal kingdom; wound a bear, and watch it get angry. attempt to take a bone that your dog is enjoying and, quickly, you realize he’s not going to just lie there and let you take it from him.

we need our angry emotions. they are a safety mechanism.

however, beyond safety…they can get us into a lot of trouble.

do you understand the number 1 way that we get ourselves into trouble when we feel a burst of anger?

our mouth!

you know, “my mouth has a way if getting me into trouble!”

boy, do i know that statement is the truth.

how?

by experience.

throughout my 54 year journey, i have been known to have “a mouth on me”.

here are 3 things that have made my blood boil over the years:

1. rudeness. if i am sitting in a resturant and a customer is being rude and demeaning to the waitress, i see red!

2. cruelty. i don’t like bullying in any form. when i observe cruelty to someone who is helpless due to age, strength or capability, i want to explode!

3. i hate to be told to “shut up”. i think it’s a rude statement so it’s similar to my first reason. when my daughter was very young, i told her it was a naughty word. so, she would gasp when she heard someone say it. i am pretty shy at times and have not always been comfortable with having my say…so, i don’t want to be told that i have to shut up in the middle of a sentence. i can get fired up!

these are three things that “push my button.” my anger button.

it has taken me many years and resulting pain to fully gain the “understanding” that it is wise to keep my mouth restrained and if i can’t restraint it -to just keep it shut.

now, that does not mean i don’t stand up for the people being mistreated.

there is a right way and a wrong way to confront someone. anger tends to cause us to forget reason, common sense and good judgement.

how can you prove you are sagacious? by having the good judgement and presence of mind to understand and discern when to speak (with restraint) or when to shut your mouth (rather just be quiet).

a wise person, a person who wants to prevent heartache, pain and suffering to their heart understand that being cool-headed when they need to address a situation will bring better results.

usually, we learn this the hard way…

by personal experience.

the Proverbs tell us that wisdom cries out to us so that heartache and pain can be prevented.

believe me, at 54 year old woman and a person who hates to be told to “shut up”, i’ve learned it’s better that i restrain my own mouth.

the reward?

peace.

i enjoy peace much more than turmoil, conflict and heartache.

have you ever said, “i wish i had kept my big mouth shut?”

yeah, me, too.

maybe next time…

it would be wise to do just that.

have a peaceful week,
D

a strong person does not get angry quickly

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Dee Clark

He that is slow to anger is better than a mighty warrior; better to be someone who controls his temper than someone who conquers a city. -Proverbs

my husband constantly tells me how much strategy, discipline and strength are required in the art of war. warriors train to be focused, function in the worst of conditions, make wise decisions, and to be strong enough to face an opponent and overcome him.

i feel a great deal of respect and honor when i meet a member of the military. although i’ve never been to battle, i understand this job is not an easy one.

the men and women who face our nation’s enemies on the battlefield are admired for their strength physically and mentally.

wisdom tells us that the person who can control his/her anger is stronger than a great warrior.

it shows as much strength (and requires as much strength) as it does for someone who defeats a city.

in other words, it’s takes great strength of character to not fly-off-the-handle. you must train and practice in varying circumstance to build the skill necessary to maintain self-control.

it’s not an easy skill to learn.

however, developing self-control over anger makes us more wise and set us on the path of success. after all the proverbs are given to us to give us keys to living more successful as we travel our journey.

next time your temper flares…maybe counting to 10 is a good thing to practice.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…!

slow down, think clearly and keep a cool head!

how to handle emotions: anger

Posted on March 14, 2014 by Dee Clark

let’s talk about how to handle the emotion called anger.

if you have been following my blog this week i shared a couple of blogs on anger: the path fear follows and to whom is anger most dangerous.

anger is a valuable emotion when managed properly.

to a great extent the sudden excitement on the reception of an injury is involuntary, and consequently innocent. anger is excited when a horse kicks us; when we stub our toe on a chair or when someone raises his hand to strike us. the purpose is rouse us to an immediate defense of ourselves when suddenly attacked. it prompts immediate action to self-protection. however, when that is done its proper purpose ceases.

beyond this purpose, anger is like poison.

this is why Paul offered the wisdom to “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry.” (MSG) you might be more familiar with the KJV that basically says to anger and sin not; don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.

either way, the wisdom in this advice is that anger should be dealt with quickly and not allowed to sit within our heart boiling away until it fuels a desire to extract revenge.

valuable advice…

difficult to practice.

following a very volatile divorce and custody battle, i found my heart broken and full of pain.

each unresolved, threatening issue caused me to feel more and more vulnerable and at risk.

there were valid reasons for my anger and i desperately wanted to save myself from real and perceived danger.

anger began to fill my heart.

my heart was becoming a storage vessel. mark twain stated that anger is an acid that can do more harm to a vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

this was true in my case.

not only, was my anger ineffective in dealing with my ex, but my heart was so full of anger that i became explosive at minor annoyances in other areas of my life. the anger was refusing to remain contained.

i was losing my ability to walk my journey in peace.

this made my existence miserable.

the price was far to high…i began to crave the return of peace in my life. i had held on to this anger far too long.

i had to get a grip on this emotion.

first, i had to stop treating the anger as a cherished treasure. no more defending my right to be angry. it may have had a purpose but it was not something to cherish or continually reflect upon.

i had to “let it go!” i could not sleep on it one more night. this was difficult because i wanted justice.

Or rather i had convinced myself that justice was the reason i needed to hold on so tightly. the reality is that i had been harbouring a desire for revenge.

i also cherished ill-will against the person and not the action.

i started by making a list of appropriate responses; speak kindly or don’t speak at all; make maintaining peace a top priority; listen more carefully to what was being said and not what i perceived as being said; take a “time out” if i felt my anger levels rising; and no matter the action-forgive and release quickly (stop rehearsing how i had been wronged in my head and to others).

it took practice. it required restraint. sometimes I had to just be “quiet” until i returned to a calm state of mind. and i prayed a lot…”Lord, give me strength!” my southern friends will know what I mean. 😎

i did get there.

if you find, your heart constantly exploding in anger, remember:

-anger may not be unavoidable.

-anger has proper bounds. do not allow it to overstep them.

-do not cherish it.

-do not let it remain in your heart all day long. let it go as quickly as possible.

-let the last rays of sun find you always peaceful and calm.

peace is far more rewarding and makes life’s journey enjoyable.

could i have more time today, please?

Posted on March 11, 2014 by Dee Clark

today was one of those days that i wished i could cram a few more hours into the day. i contemplated my list of things “to do”; laundry, floors, gardens, business emails, and paperwork.

however, the sun was shining today. that hasn’t happened very often this summer (and now autumn has begun). i imagined that long walk that i keep putting off because the weather has been crook. i also wanted to visit some of my fellow bloggers and meander through their posts. i was yearning to write as well. although, i am still learning i have found a passion ignited deep inside of me for sitting with my thoughts and then getting them down. i have women that i am sharing some of my life experiences with and so my thoughts and prayers were lingering with them as well. i needed more time today if i had any chance of getting it all accomplished.

more time in my day was not available. i decided to grab one more cup of coffee and stroll down the halls of the blogosphere. along the way, i visited miss managing. i find her photographs intriguing since i am a budding photographer (ok, i’m a wanna-be but photography and my camera make me happy). she posted a video entitled 10 reasons you should never get a job by Ralph Smart. although, his approach is so much different than mine, he made a couple of good points about working for yourself…one, when you work for yourself you are not trapped by a time clock and secondly, that you also have the freedom to form your day anyway you like.

he had a point…it was a rather good point at that. i do not have the constraints i once had on my 9 to 5 job (cough, cough…because it was never just 9 to 5). i am blessed to have the flexibility to make this day go in any direction. i dusted off my tennis shoes because i was going to actually start that daily 3k walk that i had procrastinated for far too long. while i was at it, the camera might as well be my companion.

the sea air hit my nostrils and it was a perfect time to take a few deep breaths. i could feel anxiety waft away with every exhale. i was ready. the first thing i noticed was the harbour was alive with boats this morning…coming in…and going out.

the oyster boats were coming in with their catches and the ferry was heading to Stewart Island to deliver tourists.

the birds were as happy as i was that the sun was shining…fluttering and singing away…they seemed cheerful which made me smile.

the last of the season’s flowers were beginning to show signs that autumn was appearing but final blooms were bursting forth as if to kiss the sun a few final times.

the horizon was not obstructed by clouds or fog today so even the distant light house was in full view.

a varied from my path for a few moments of rock time and watch the water glisten and splash…

and focused on the small plants living beneath the clear water.

and, yes, i stared at the deep blue water hoping that i might catch a glimpse of a passing whale…but not today…that dream lives on in my heart destined for another time.

i reached my turn around point and headed back home. as i walked, Marv and Ann were just arriving at their home. i planned to give a cheerful, “good’ay” (it’s the one kiwi saying i take most pleasure in attempting to copy). he spoke first, “are you a local?” “i am now”, i replied. we chattered away for several minutes and just as i thought we were completing the conversation, Marv asks, “would you like a cup of tea?” this is where i am always jolted back into the reality that i am an american in a differing culture. i always considered my family to be hospitable but when a totals stranger whom i have met only moments before invites me into their home from off the street…i never ceased to feel anything but amazement. i accepted the invitation. we shared an hour sipping a cup of tea while Marv and Ann gave me some history on Bluff (after all, Marv has lived in Bluff for 80 years) and the Mutton Bird Islands. in his younger days, Marv was an oysterman which was fascinating since my husband and i now farm oysters.

the clam shells from Fiji in Ann’s garden sparked more conversation and Ann gave me a tour of her beautiful gardens.

i headed back home with a song in my heart…i did a bit of reading to start my morning, i enjoyed my walk, i met new friends, i snapped a few photographs, sat on a rock listening to the waves crash in, and now i am back home putting a few of my thoughts down…

and it’s still early afternoon…

i might not need added hours in this day…

i think i’m on a pretty good roll!

i certainly hope that you are enjoying your day as well.