love…what you believe, say or do are meaningless without it

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1 Corinthians 13:1-3

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

when i was in high school, the characters above were popular. i just dated myself, i know. these little guys were everywhere as we, in the ’70s, attempted to define what love is.

i’ve said before that we all are on a search for value, acceptance, belonging and love as we journey through life. these core elements cause our hearts to long for more, better, greater satisfaction than we seem to be living at the moment.

this search also can leave us disappointed, lonely and hurting so deeply that our heart despairs at times.

currently, i have people in my circle of influence who are battling deep depression, possible divorces, broken lives and emotional pain because they are missing these key components in their lives in one way or another.

it breaks my heart. as i’ve told you before, i am a “fixer”. i am passionate about emotional wholeness because i can relate to this kind of pain. i have experienced it many times in my own search for significance. i have made life changing decisions that were painful as i attempted to answer this question, “what is love?” therefore, out of my compassionate heart, i long to help others find hope that the pain will cease and that true joy and happiness can be found.

this world is a mess in a lot of ways. i read, hear and even come across some really hateful people. most of us want to run a million miles in the other direction when we come face to face with people like this. however, it’s getting harder and harder to do that because everywhere we go…we come face to face with people who rub us the wrong way, or who are not very easy to deal with. other than living like hermits, alone and distanced, we are going to have several of these types of people continually in our lives. in fact, listening to the news can make one fearful of what the world has to offer and what we can look forward to.

we long for love but find that when people lash out at us…we want to lash out right back.

this only leaves us feeling empty even if we feel it’s justified because the heart of man was not made for conflict, hatred and causing pain. it was designed to love.

so, what can you do?

actually, we can make a significant difference but it requires work, selflessness, and real, true, genuine L-O-V-E.

wisdom says that love never fails. did you just roll your eyes at me and think, “yeah, right!” good! then it is not a coincidence that you are reading my post today.

have you thought:
1. this “love” stuff doesn’t work!
2. i have tried and the other person just doesn’t get it?
3. it never lasts?
4. i always get hurt, taken advantage of and disappointed?
5. i’m sick of this! i’m not putting up with this anymore!

i think that we all have been there at one point or another.

so, what’s the definition of insanity? doing things the same way and hoping for different results?

this week, i want to explore this topic. i warn you, love is not for the faint hearted. it’s not all roses, wine, candle light and chocolates. sometimes, it’s down in the trenches, in the mud, death-defying action. a great example is the men and women who leave home, family, and comfort to fight for our freedoms while we sit at home and criticize them for their battle. they do it anyway because they understand the value and rewards of freedom (even when,”we” the comfortable, abuse those freedoms with our poor attitudes about how they are won). love is no different. the rewards of “mud on your face”, “heart wrenching”, “fight with all that is in you” love are just as worthwhile. however, it probably looks a lot different than what you have been doing. which is good news because if what you are doing isn’t working for you….then there is HOPE!

look at my quote at the beginning of the post. let’s start there.

there are many noble things we do in the name of love;however, it is very easy to see right through actions that are not motivated by genuine love. Isn’t?

we’ve all been “smooth talked” in order for someone to manipulate us. eloquent words and reasoning may produce an action…but people see right through it and wise up before very long and your efforts are short lived.

faith is a foundation we all need. we have to understand what and why we believe something that governs our lives. faith alone, in God, ourselves, money, status, chocolate, or teddy bears (look we can put our faith in some unusual places expecting it to bring us happiness) is not enough. you have heard the quote that your actions are speaking louder than what you say you believe. it’s true. if you are sharing your faith and people are running a country mile…(here’s some tough love), your actions are speaking louder than your preaching. here’s a clue: if it’s real, and it works, people want it…if it’s not, they are telling you, “i see holes in what you are saying compared to what you are living.”

benevolence, self-sacrifice and doing selfless acts are commendable. again, they are not a replace for really loving someone…that is where the real, effective work is.

the bottom line is that…

no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

…and you are,too.

you and i can change what is not working. we can see that love never fails even when it is difficult. we just need to understand what “love is” and what it is not.

would you like to explore this with me? if you know others who might benefit from this topic, please share this post and ask them to join us on this exploration this week. you’ll be glad you did.

before I go, I have a simple test. walk past someone today, give them a big smile and a cheerful, “i hope you have the most fantastic day”…season it with as much genuine love as you an muster in your heart and see if they respond even a little…i think they will. you will see that loving kindness CAN change the world.

i look forward to our time together this week, please join me again!
D

How to be an amazing woman

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how to be a woman of excellence according to Proverbs 31:

1. do not accept mediocracy. apply excellence in all that you are and all that you do.
2. understand your value is priceless.
3. inspire trust.
4. every day do what is best for your husband. never do anything harmful or hurtful. his heart should be safe with you.
5. allow a delightful attitude to govern your work.
6. select the best quality for your available resources.
7. provide for your household’s needs.
8. have a plan.
9. be resourceful.
10. wrap yourself in strength, carry yourself with confidence,and work hard, strengthen yourself for the task at hand. take care of yourself body, soul and spirit.
11. taste success and knows it is good.
12. apply and develop skill to all you do.
13. be benevolent and merciful.
14. be prepared and do not worry.
15. be supportive to your husband’s purpose.
16. use your gifts to produce a quality, marketable product.
17. be strong and dignified.
18. be fearless and smile when you think about the future.
18. conduct your conversations with wisdom.
19. allow kindness to always be your concern.
20. be organized.
21. do not be indulgent and lazy. be selfless with out fear.
22. earn the blessing and respect of your husband and children.
23. understand the limits of charm and physical beauty.
24. be reverent to God
25. celebrate all you have achieved and others will as well.
26. allow your accomplishments speak for themselves.

women have the ability within their design to be strong, independent, capable, and to care for their husband, family, and the poor. i know women who run a household with joy and make it appear effortless. in fact, my mother is this type of woman. as a child, i had no idea what was required to run a household. my mother never seemed to stop, she never seemed cross about the day to day expectations and she seemed to enjoy (and still does) what she did for us. she was kind to strangers and visitors. she seemed to have time for anyone who needed the attention of her heart. she was resourceful to the point that when there was lack, my siblings and i were clueless. i never recall complaints or grumbling. she is the most selfless person i have ever known.

i have many friends like this as well. i have been one who has admired their accomplishments and the lovely, homey atmosphere that they provide day in and day out.

as women, we are challenged to be discontent, to feel dissatisfied, selfish and complaining…and it’s a shame.

nothing worthwhile comes without appropriate effort. we don’t get something for nothing. we must be willing to apply ourselves to achieve the dreams we dream.

the potential within a woman is vast, amazing and valuable. it is a servant role…i did not say subservient…i said servant- a role of service. however, the role of men is a role of service to family and others as well. there are unbelievable benefits to serving one another. it is a rewarding way to approach life.

there is a custom called covenant among the Jewish culture. the purpose of covenant was an exchange -an offering of one’s strengths in exchange for help for their weakness. it is an agreement that what i am, what i have, what i am able to do, i agree to share with you in exchange for all that you are, all that you have, and all that you are. this agreement allowed the two to work together to become a stronger, healthier, better whole unit. each working with their supply and talents to make life better for the other; fully committed, fully trusting, and fully giving.

doesn’t that sound like a desirable goal for your heart? it is for mine…and it is completely attainable!

the requirement for attaining this goal, achieving success and excellence is a good attitude, recognition of our value, applying good work ethic and not complaining about it, resourcefulness, and never being mediocre.

it seems easier to say,”that’s impossible…no one can be that type of woman” and accept that as an excuse. i believe differently…

apply yourself…begin where you are with what you have and you will discover what an fabulous creature you are. you are a woman! you are amazing!

if you know a woman who lives with the goal of excellence, who gives the best she has to offer…encourage her today…sing her praises…let her know that you admire her accomplishments! encourage her to continue to be inspiring and striving for excellence…and allow her to encourage you (this truly is a special benefit of girlfriends).

today, I celebrate excellent women everywhere,

D

What Your Words Reveal About You

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For the mouth simply shapes the heart’s impulses into words.

-Jesus, Matthew 12:34, The Voice

i like how this is stated. we know how hard it is to control the tongue. it is described as an unruly member of our body. combine that concept with the impulses of the heart…you get a dangerous combination.

impulses are impetus. it is acting or doing something quickly and without thought or care; moving forcefully or rapidly: “an impetuous flow of water”.

we can site situations in our lives when impulsive behaviour, actions and yes, words do not bring the best of results.

whether we realise it or not, the words rushing out of our mouth is giving an indication of the contents of our heart…the real “us” deep in our inner being.

i once worked for a dentist, back home in the states, who sat quietly, his arms crossed, considering the situation at hand with great thought. i came to learn that when he did speak, i should consider carefully the words he was speaking because they carried wisdom, forethought, strength, authority and power. many times the truth in the words stung but the words did not. i have grown to understand that deep within his heart dwelt wisdom, knowledge, authority and strength. it flowed from his heart and he used his words to convey those contents very carefully.

he did not say everything on his mind (i’m sure). he didn’t give continual instruction and advice…but when he did, it was worth applying.

i remember i wanted to learn how to use the Microsoft Excel program. he simply pointed me in the right direction and told me to experiment with it and i would learn. i was so frustrated. yet, i did learn how to use the software plus i learned a lot about myself and problem solving that i would not have learned if he just shown me everything. wisdom was in his heart. he understood the importance of the search for knowledge…and he shared who he was with me. he did not have to demonstrate his knowledge and wisdom…he just pointed me in the direction that would lead me to us them.

he also told me one day that i needed to stop crying so much…basically, grow up and toughen up. he was kind and gentle but stern. the advice he gave me was a part of my journey toward healing the contents of pain in my own heart. he often listened to me ramble on about things. he listened and rarely gave me answers…but one day, in the midst of my tears…he gave this advice. kind of out of left field to me but not for him. it was an important piece of wisdom for my life. not at all the wisdom i thought i was looking for.

we can often attempt to use words to provide proof that we are important, powerful, strong and in control. these proofs lead us to speak of others in a way that only demonstrates that in our heart we are lacking true depth.

the following 3 keys will help:
1. guard your heart. fill your heart with good motivations and good will flow out of it.
2. be quick to listen
3. be slow to speak

these keys will help us work to prevent impulsive words.

what we say speaks volumes about the you and me that dwells in the heart. if hurt and pain fills our heart, our words will shape hurtful words; if pride then arrogant words and so forth. if our words are demonstrating something different than we want…we can work to make improvements. it will lead to better relationships, successful living and a kinder, gentler heart. those contents will be evident in what comes flowing out of our mouth.

please help me encourage others to take inventory of their heart and work toward improving a valuable life skill. i would appreciate it if you would share this post with your friends and family. consider working together to create stronger, healthier relationships…your world will be impacted toward becoming a better place.

have a good weekend,
D

a great lesson about shortcuts

20130830-222236.jpgshortcuts remove you from your path. i won’t say that every shortcut is worthless. in my travels, i have taken a by-pass on a highway to lessen the frustrations of slow traffic, stop lights and small town nuisances. it shaves some time off the trip. however, i have noticed that the scenic route is not usually on the by-pass…it’s in taking the extra time and effort, slowing down a little that the beauty of the journey is revealed.

it’s not always about the destination…it truly is about taking hold of the “NOW” that i am in, enjoying the journey- even when more difficult, that i find the hidden treasures that enrich my life more than i could have hoped for.

i often think of Joseph, a young Jewish boy who was sold into slavery but ended up as a prince in Egypt. his difficult journey taught him how to work with his hands, how to feel empathy for the slave,
how to show mercy for the merciless, how to survive difficulty, the need for true justice, how to discern matters, how to speak before government leaders, how to deal with corruption, how to relate to many classes of people, and many more valuable lessons that made him a great, compassionate and wise leader.

when faced with the “NOW” you are in, mixed with difficulty, resist the temptation of the shortcut…the difficult way may end up being the easier choice and most rewarding.

i invite you to pass this along to your friends, family and co-workers today. there is always room for improvement and it’s awesome to encourage each other along the way.

thanks for stopping by today,
D

stewart island…the island of tranquility

island of tranquility/insight from a woman's heart

the island of tranquillity is how this destination is described. i am amazed that there is a place in new zealand where life is slower and simpler than what i have experienced since i moved to this south pacific island…yet, stewart island is such a place. approximately 400 people call it home. fishing, aquaculture, tourism and conservation are the main focus for this tight knit community. it doesn’t take long to understand why the inhabitants love this remote island. i would call it a little place but it’s actually the third largest island in new zealand. most of the island is uninhabited, untouched by civilization as most of us know it and it’s beauty is extraordinary.

DSCF9683we boarded the ferry in bluff to cross the strait. spontaneous is one thing i am learning to be in new zealand. we discovered that the ferry only travels once a day since it is winter -so instead of monday, as was planned, we scurried off on sunday. the weather was a little disappointing. when planning the trip, i envisioned sunshine and beauty all around. i was partly right…it was beautiful. i did my usual while traveling on the water…i was looking for a whale. sigh…there were none in sight. one day, i know i will be delighted and catch a glimpse of one of these magnificent fish.
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the port was magical. the bay was full of fishing boats, wild life and silence. it was so quiet and peaceful.
Halfmoon Bay/insight from a woman's heart we found accommodation in a little cottage that overlooked the bay with this beautiful view. the only restaurant open on the island was the local “pub”. i am not accustomed to frequenting the pubs so this was quite an experience for me. the room was scattered with fishermen, locals, a few tourists and us. we sat for a few minutes and admired the view.

quiz night host/insight from a woman's heartbefore long, the place was full and buzzing with conversations.

we ordered our food and a woman with an english accent walked up to the table and asked if we were going to participate in the activities for the evening. activities? quiz night! my husband was shrinking in his seat but my sister-in-law and i decided that if we wanted the full Stewart Island experience…we should join in.

trivia is not my strong suit but i did get one question correct…after all, it was an american question-“what is the name of the creature who lived in the “dus-pin” on sesame street?” i needed to clarify what a “dus-pin” was (wouldn’t want to embarrass myself by getting it wrong). i raised my hand and asked, “what is a “dus-pin”…is it the same as a garbage can?” the room roared in laughter and the host replied in her best attempt at the “american accent”, “yes, a “dus-pin” is a gar-bage can.” there you have it, Oscar the grouch lived in the “dus-pin” on sesame street. 1 for dee!
DSCF9720the next morning was more what i imagined…sunshine to compliment the beautiful scenery. the morning air was crisp and salty. i just love the sea air.

DSCF9721i have to pinch myself sometimes when i think about how much i used to love traveling to the coast in america for the chance to enjoy the ocean breezes, deep sea fishing and playing on the beach. living here, i am surrounded by those things i loved so much about beach vacations.DSCF9726aquaculture is especially fascinating to us since we are marine farmers. i grew up in the midwest in the states so i am used to farming communities but aquaculture is such a new concept to me. the mussel and salmon farms were massive and intriguing.
DSCF9806look at all of the birds flying over the salmon farm!

DSCF9723seafood is a special delicacy…we couldn’t resist having a “feed” of oysters…look at the size of those babies!

DSCF9694there are monuments like this one in many of the ports in new zealand. they serve as a reminder of the men who woke on a typical work day morning and headed out to sea but never returned. i had never personally experienced this kind of loss until last year. our friend took some friends out to do some fishing. a rogue wave hit the boat and capsized it. by the time help arrived, he had lost his best friend and oldest son. it was devastating, heart wrenching. this memorial reads:

they shall not grow old as we that are left grow old

age shall not weary them nor years condemn

at the going down of the sun and in the morning

we shall remember them

the sea commands respect. she expects that you not tempt her and when she rages, you most certainly do not want to be in her path of fury.

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apparently, birds like the brown kiwi, albatross, penguins and kia can be seen along the landscape of Stewart Island. i was able to photograph seagulls and oyster catchers (the black birds here) but my brother-in-law caught a glimpse of a couple of wee penguins scooting into the water on our last morning. i am told that there are many great white sharks near stewart island as well…those, i am not sure i want to see…at least not up close.

 

DSCF9908refreshed , it was time to head back home to bluff. i sighed deeply with satisfaction and prepared for the journey home…snapping a few final photos that i could share with my readers.

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a boat trailer was lifted to the top of the ferry…we thought they were joking when they said we had to wait until a boat trailer was loaded before we could leave…really?

DSCF9953the ride home was a bit bumpy. actually, it was like being on a roller coaster. i would not see a whale on this trip as the sea was tumultuous. i did sit and watch wave after wave roll in toward the boat like mighty walls of water…then crash against the vessel as if to say we were intruding on it’s space. there was a strong sense that we did not belong in this environment…guests at the mercy of the wind and the sea. i watched the captain. he was calm and sure. i felt confident and turned my thoughts to enjoying the adventurous ride as if i were in an amusement park.

DSCF9894i was thankful for the chance to participate in the charm of the island of tranquillity. i gathered the memories and tucked them away in my heart. ready to resume my day to day schedule, the less simple life traded for the journey, i disembarked from the ferry and headed home.

if you are ever in this part of the world, you might want to put stewart island, the island of tranquillity, on your bucket list. i would recommend visiting during the summer (Dec-Feb) for the best chance at agreeable weather. this little haven will not disappoint….and you can say that you travelled to the end of the earth.

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hope you enjoyed a small tour of the island…

D

4 ways to improve dependability as a friendship

20130824-214038.jpgit is important to understand that when we give our word to a friend, they depend on us to be reliable. they trust us to follow through with what we commit to do. most often, they will not truly know if they can depend upon our offer until they really need it…

how refreshing to the heart to realize there is a friend they can count on.

to improve dependability as a friend:

1. do not offer help out of emotion. although your heart may be sympathetic, emotion alone is not the best motivation for making an offer you may be unable to follow through with.
2. count the cost before giving your word. your friend will respect honesty.
3. listen. often, your friend needs a safe, caring place to share -they may not need you to do anything more than “listen” to their heart.
4. follow through to the best of your ability.

it truly is refreshing to have a friend you can rely on when you need them…it is also refreshing to be that friend when necessary.

do you have a friend that you have been able to depend on? might be a great time to let them know they are appreciated…

thank you, friends, for being faithful readers!
D

missing those you love

20130824-171409.jpgto all those who are not close by except in spirit…

today is one of those days that i am feeling very blessed to have those i love in my life…and it’s missing those who are not here close by.

heart to heart, i want you to know that…

you are loved….

you are missed…

you are precious to this heart of mine…

and it’s missing having you here!
D

8 things to do when your heart is looking back to the past

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sometimes, living in your present circumstances can be like a roller coaster for your heart. the heart longs for the past where the memories feel less-complicated, care-free or painless.

i understand. take it a day, hour, minute at a time.

you will get through this time and be on to the next life phase soon.

1. remember to take care of yourself
2. look for a way to enjoy, relax and rejuvenate in each day
3. take advantage of this time to learn about yourself, what you want going forward & how you refrain from cycling back to this point.
4. reach outward. a great way to get your mind off the situations is helping others (I say that lot)
5. cherish great memories but don’t mourn for them too long…live forward.
6. create fresh memories of some kind everyday…
7. count your blessings…name them one by one!!!!
8. let go when you can…the future awaits

if you need a chuckle at times like these, Maxine on Facebook check her out! she’s a hoot.

have an awesome weekend.

i have in-laws coming so i might be away for a day or two…

see you soon,
D