The One You Will Never Lose

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She is always there.

Will you accept her?

Will you love her?

Will you value her?

Will you esteem her?

If you will, there will always be someone in the room who accepts her.

She, my dear, is YOU.

(A Word A Week Challange: Chilled)

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5 things children can teach us about succeeding

20130809-003618.jpgchildren are amazing creatures and we can learn some important lessons from them about succeeding in our lives and reaching complete well-being.

do you realise that children possess the key elements required for success within them from the very beginning of life? they do…instinctively. which means, you possess within you exactly what you need to succeed, overcome difficulty and live a whole-healthy life. i believe it’s not there by chance. it was by design! in fact, i’m sure of it. after all, if we look at nature, every creature and part of nature was designed to perform in every way exactly what it needs to for existence…perfectly.

and aren’t we the crowning glory of creation? the most amazing creature of all that was created in nature and life? why, yes, WE ARE!

this sends my mind down a reasoning path like this: why then, could i ever imagine that i am unable to live my life to it’s fullest? i watch little creatures like birds flutter about making nests, gathering worms, chirping songs, learning to fly, migrating, and everything they instinctively do in their little lives…without failure…and i (and you) sometimes question whether or not i can “do this”.

why?

as we grow, we become conditioned whether conscientiously or not by negative experiences and others around us. often, it starts when we are children because “conditioned” adults do not realise that these essential, designed elements need encouragement and nurturing.

there are 5 things children can teach us about living successfully and fully:

1. excitement. just stand in the midst of a group of children and ask, “who wants ice cream?” the group will erupt with excitement. let a child learn a new skill or draw a picture and they can barely contain themselves as they share it.

excitement is an instinctive element that acts like fuel. too many adults exchange their excitement for a more logical requirement of security. we don’t want to be disappointed therefore we stifle excitement until we are more “certain”. however, we still get hurt, disappointed and have disadvantages. excitement fuels our hope. we need to be excited about our lives. not allowing ourselves to “get our hopes up” does not prevent the disappointment…it stifles our creativity, willingness to try and keeps an under lying current of sadness flowing in our lives.

we can attempt to lead safe, secure lives expecting and waiting for guarantees but we will miss the opportunities excitement with lead us to.

2. persistence. everything we undertake in life requires persistence: losing weight, lasting relationships, financial freedom…and more. often, we give up before we reach the goal because it feels too difficult.

my granddaughter was here last night for my birthday. this is her approach:

Ella: “DD, can I have a milo? (NZ hot chocolate)

Me: “sure, give me a minute and let me finish this then I’ll make you one”.

(seconds go by)

Ella: “milo please”

i repeat my first reply which she accepts.

(seconds go by again)

Ella: “aren’t you going to make my milo?”

if I managed to get through 1complete minute to finish the task…she will have asked for the milo a minimum of 10-20 times in the minute. persistent! until she has the milo in her little hands…BTW, then we were immediately onto, “can I put on your make up”…and she asks persistently until she gets what she wants.

now, as adults, we want them to learn patience, to not be so demanding and stop annoying us. the problem is, we are training them to set aside a vital key to succeeding if we don’t handle it properly. they learn that persistence equals annoyance and it is not acceptable.

i think instead, we should learn from them how to reactivate this key in our pursuit of successful living.

3. adventure. risks are vital to success. children have amazingly adventurous spirits. if someone says they can jump off the roof with fake wings strapped to their arms…they are willing to try. boys will eat worms just to see what they taste like. at 12 years old, i jumped off a diving board because the other kids said i would float. i took the risk and because i couldn’t swim, i nearly drowned. that fear paralysed my risk taking for the rest of my life. children don’t stop to analyse the possible pain that could result, they jump right in.

if you have a big dream, you will have to be willing to take risks in order to see it eventuate. you might experience pain but you might not…you might actually make that dream come true!

4. shake-it-off. watch a toddler learning to walk. he falls down, maybe a bit stunned, but he keeps getting up and attempting until one day…he is walking.

a child learning to ride a bike might fall off but they shake it off and learn to accomplish the goal.

as adults, when we fall or fail, we think, “how could I have been so stupid. i’ll never do that again”. we stop. many times we are told of inventors who failed many times before they found the “one” invention that worked and was a huge success. the key is to shake-it-off…get up (don’t stay down)…and keep trying! success, healing and wholeness will come.

5. faith. the final thing we can learn from children is faith. we all have it designed into our very being.

have you ever tried to argue a point that a child has but their faith into? my granddaughter’s teacher told her that butter was not healthy. since that time, she has refused to eat butter. my daughter told me that the other day she was trying to convince her it was ok to eat butter. ella finally dipped her little finger in the butter and put a tiny dab of butter on her bread. however, her faith in the message that it was not healthy has her convinced and she is not going to eat it. Lol.

faith is also the reason most children believe that on Christmas Eve there will be a visitor who comes down the chimney and leaves them surprises if they have been especially good. there is no need for evidence or proof of the possibility…just blind belief that it must be so…so much so that it alters their behaviour to ensure success…gifts under the tree!

you and i were designed with the excitement, persistence, adventure, ability to shake-it-off, and ability to have faith in order to succeed at forgiving, in our relationships, accomplish our dreams and whatever else we set out to accomplish.

our Creator knew what we would need to produce successful, heathy well-being in the same way He knew what the birds or dolphins and all other living creatures needed to thrive. He knew and He designed us with those elements knit into our being…

just watch little children…it’s there…even without having to be taught!

i think we could watch and learn. if do, we would discover some amazing keys to making our lives the success we long for.

isn’t that “exciting” news?

i think so.

D

unity – body, soul and spirit…the three working together for wholeness

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i have passed the 100 post goalpost for my blog. celebrate. celebrate. ok, i’m not throwing a party exactly. i am using it as part of my daily gratitude attitude. therefore, i am celebrating. if you have enjoyed any part of this journey with me…i would adore the fact that you smile at my celebration.

let’s review for a minute. in my posts 9 warnings that your emotional well-being might be at risk and what sea glass taught me about emotional healing, i have discussed how to recognize who needs emotional healing. basically, we all need healing for wounded emotions just like we all need physical healing from time to time.

today, let’s look at the function of our emotions in relation to our entire being.

when we use the word “I” to describe ourselves, most often we are referring to our body. i am 5’2″, i weigh (??…no, way am i telling you that…i’m not being that transparent today…forget it..lol), i have brown eyes, and brown hair. we are describing the solid, visible part of who we are.

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however, we are made up of three parts in our being. we sort of recognize it but most of our focus is based on the part we can actually see and touch. we have a soul/heart/emotional part and we have a spirit part to our being (both invisible). the physical part is easiest to relate to, therefore, receives most of our attention. although, a healthy, well balanced body is vital for the other two parts of our being to even exist, we must realize that without the three parts working independently in a healthy way – the unity of the whole can not achieve successful living.

the body functions so that we are mobile, can process information, and take action. in order for it to operate, the components must remain in a purified state. that is why it is so important not to put junk into it. my diesel van will not tolerate regular gas without shutting down. the body, we know, is the same. put rubbish in…problems occur in it’s ability to function properly. end of story. the body has a system that warns it of harm and danger. the system is called our senses; taste, sight, smell, hearing and touch. we utilize this system to alert the body of potential danger.

the spirit functions so that we can process moral right and wrong – so that our being can make choices that move us in the direction of success and a safe environment. it’s the foundation of our value system. keeping a purified spirit is also vital for it to function properly. now, i can hear some of you saying…well, if you are going to talk to me about GOD…i don’t want to hear it. that’s ok. i understand that there are people who don’t believe that God even exists. if they do believe in a god, it might not be what i believe. got it! please, no hateful comments. i will be happy to respect where you are. please respect mine. however, it does not change the fact that we have a spirit. that spirit is the part of our being that keeps us making choices between right and wrong. the spirit also has a system; faith, hope, reverence, worship, and prayer. this system works like our senses do. they are key indicators and provide warning signs of potential danger. example: don’t steal that, don’t cheat on your wife, don’t over spend or you will find yourself in financial trouble. it also is the part of our being that drives us toward worship, admiration and reverence. we all have seen the negative effects of setting our values aside in order to attain gratifying goal. i ignored my conscience many times so that i could eat rubbish that added many unwanted pounds of weight to my body. been there. done that.

the soul/heart/emotional part of our being is intended to keep us alert, growing, creative and enjoying our lives. the system the soul has for functioning involves our feelings. they are a gauge, as you have heard me say before, intended to help protect our heart/soul from damage. our emotions store information and play back messages that warn us that something is not as it should be.

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the unity of the three functioning independently but together is a confusing concept. however, we have to get our heads around it, somehow, in order to be whole and live the best life possible. any functioning body – human, relationship, marriage, business or team – operating outside of unity will not remain in a healthy state for a prolonged amount of time. it’s wisdom. period. we have all seen things fall apart as soon as unity does. have you ever felt like “i’m falling apart?” maybe…just maybe there is some truth in that.

when any part of the whole acts solely, independently and in its own best interest, the other parts suffer. this act is called rebellion. the action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention. the evidence is easy to see in light of visible things; society, governments, friendships, children/family and so on. we are all amazed when we see blatant rebellion. it’s a bit disturbing even when we can understand a part of the viewpoint behind it. the end result is usually devastation even when the point has been made.

my point today is that in order for emotional well-being to be maintained, we must unify the parts. each part of the person must function in a healthy way. when one or more of the parts are not functioning as they were designed to, we must take intentional, purposeful action to restore and heal the wounded part for the betterment of the whole.

therefore, emotional healing requires that we work on these functions:

  • cognitive – our thought processes and how we interpret information both past and present
  • spirit work – understand our value system and truth
  • emotional – what, why and how we feel
  • behavioural – our habits, actions and reactions

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when i was battling with bulimia, here is how the breakdown occurred. emotional trauma lead to my mind thinking that i was pretty much worthless. this message reverberated over and over in my life -usually because i kept telling myself i was worthless. a negative event would reinforce this “lie” as truth. faith (what we believe) comes by hearing. well, i heard the message loud and clear until all of me believed it to my core. this caused my heart to ache. none of us want to be worthless. we, i, wanted to have value. i wanted to feel accepted and significant. however, the message that my thinking was confirming to me was that every negative event in my life confirmed…no worth. it was very painful. by not adjusting the message to one of truth, i could not receive proper relief. therefore, my emotions were screaming at me that something was WRONG…”i should not feel this way”. when the pain continued, my behaviour and habits moved into destructive patterns that put my body at risk. i was attempting to quiet the screaming emotions. bulimia = painful event + wrong thinking (cognitive) + wrong belief (spirit) + painful emotions (feelings) + addictive or destructive habits (behaviour). it became a terribly painful cycle. a cycle that i desperately wanted help to get out of.

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want to know something cool? we all get wounded…yes! body, soul and spirit…we all have had wounds to these parts of our being! AND we all can heal. there is a way for healing to occur for all three parts of our being. there is a way to restore each part to proper, free function so that they can work in a united way called wholeness.

i hope you will keep following my heart as i share how this is possible.

tomorrow, we will look at what emotional wounds look like and how they interrelate throughout our being.

i look forward to meeting again. thanks for stopping by,

D

what sea glass taught me about emotional healing

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i grabbed my camera this morning and headed out for the beach. just for a quiet walk. the weather has been a bit nasty lately and the sun was peeking through the clouds. i decided the sun and i had a long overdue meeting that needed to take place.

DSCF9312the harbour was beautiful with the sun beaming off the water. as i walked, i noticed a pair of paradise ducks. actually, i couldn’t help but notice them as they were screaming at each other. my husband was telling me that they mate for life and if one of them dies, the other lives on without a mate. i wondered if they would miss the screaming? my guess is that they would. no matter how crazy things get, you really do miss the noise someone makes when they are not there. i supposed that ducks are the same.

DSCF9299they settled after a while and i assumed they had sorted their differences.

DSCF9318before i knew it, they took flight and were flying off into the horizon.

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i headed around to the back beach to watch the waves roll into shore. they are beautiful from the beach but they are fierce. i sat and snapped away – i was trying to get some great shots of the water as it hit the rocks. as i sat on one of the big boulders, i noticed a glistening near my feet in the gravel. the beach here is not just sand. it is filled with pebbles, rocks and glistening things. when i reached down to pick up this object that had grabbed my attention, i realized it was glass. it was sea glass…and it was beautiful. well, my focus was no longer on the waves…i was away treasure hunting.

DSCF9342as i began to gather the little beauties, i noticed that some of them were perfectly smooth, some were not; some still bore the sharp edges or chips and some were larger, some were tiny. my favorite pieces were the smoothest ones. i had recently read about how sea glass was made and wanted to find some. so, today was a good day. i looked out at the waves again. i realized that my heart during my journey had been shattered into many pieces at times like the shards i found on the beach. i realized that the tumultuous waves i had experienced along the way served an important purpose. they caused the broken, cutting pieces to round out into something beautiful and useful.

DSCF9351-001my plan for my blog today was to explore the question, “what is emotional healing and who needs it?”

i think we all need a degree of healing at many times in our lives. unless you are a robot, of course. humans who live everyday interacting with other humans will come across times when they experience painful situations.

brokenness or wounds occur when an event:

  • occurs unexpectedly
  • you weren’t prepared for it
  • you felt powerless to prevent it
  • it happened repeatedly
  • someone was intentionally cruel
  • childhood traumas

i thought of the list events that caused brokenness and wounding in my heart:

  • childhood trauma
  • moving a lot as a young child
  • near drowning as a child
  • a fatal car accident
  • death of my fiance
  • abusive relationships
  • miscarriages
  • divorce
  • breast cancer
  • separation from one of my children
  • loss of a close friend
  • offenses

i wondered how i was still standing. the reality is that i am still standing because i eventually looked for wholeness and healing.

what is emotional healing?

to heal is to make whole, to restore what was diseased or wounded to a place of soundness, to restore normal function. the state of a person in which parts are sound, well organized, well related and in which they all perform freely their natural function. A state of no pain.

the state of a person in which parts are sound. some of those parts have a differing shape than before but when healing occurs, like the sea glass, the brokenness is rounded and smoothed so that they can perform their natural function without pain or causing pain.

it is when you or i are not able to find healing that one event piles on top of the previous and dysfunction occurs. we are not built to endure long term pain therefore, something has to give relief.

often times, the relief is evident in impaired abilities:

  • having trouble functioning at home or work
  • suffering from severe fear, anxiety, or depression
  • unable to form close, satisfying relationships
  • experiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacks
  • avoiding more and more things that remind you of the trauma
  • emotionally numb and disconnected from others
  • addictions such as using food, sex, alcohol or drugs to feel better

at this point, even simple negative events can feel very traumatic.

for example, i have a very sensitive heart. i am sympathetic and empathetic. i can easily relate to sad stories, commercials, movies, and books. i am easily in the emotion of the story. i actually quite like that about myself. crying, itself has a lot of healing benefits. however, before i began my journey toward emotional healing…i cried about everything – at the drop of a hat. i felt really sorry for policemen who pulled me over. i would be a crying mess by the time they got out of their cars to let me know why they stopped me. i remember on time, this policeman walked up to my window and i was bawling. he said to me, “i just wanted to let you know that your tail light was out!”

my ability to function normally was being prevented and the sadness in my heart was spilling out EVERYWHERE. not good. lol…it was a good indication that i was not functioning normally.

each of the events i have listed above no longer stir pain within my heart. i am able to deal with negatives and sort them out fairly quickly. the key is to be able to  meet what comes at you and me on a day to day basis so that there is not a pile up.

if you find yourself in situations that throw you for a loop, you may need to work toward healing past events to resume normal function. if the events were traumatic and cause you severe pain, again asking for help is important. you do not have to flounder around not knowing how the wound should be healed.

if i can be of help, please feel free to contact me. i have had many women contact about the wounds they have experienced and are still facing. i will continue to share some helpful information via my blogs. i will present encouraging quotes, wisdom from proverbs and other truths that i have found helpful. together, we will walk this journey toward greater wholeness. it can be obtained.

we will never be able to prevent pain from occurring but it does not have to control our lives in a negative way.

keep walking…keep hoping…keep dreaming…for life should be lived largely and fully.

have a great day,

D