An Important Key For Braving Trust

“Trust is the fundamental base line of any relationship which is always under threat. When we get trust right then we get durable fruit in relationships.” -Daniel Kent

My friend, Daniel, sent me this text yesterday following a teaching session I did on trust.

Have you ever told someone, “I can’t trust you?”

Have you ever said, “I’ll never trust anyone again?”

Contrary to what many of us think, trust is not as difficult as we think, if we have the right tools.

I think an important tool in any relationship is to understand who to trust with what when dealing with issues of trust.

Everyone one can be trusted with something. But no one can be trusted with everything.

Braving connection by sharing what is important to us requires that we not give a friend more than they are able to handle safely.

Trust is like a heavy weight. I would have a difficult time lifting a 40 pound dumb bell (I should probably stick to 2-10 pound weights). Now, my body building brother might lift that weight effortlessly.

I am not built to lift that much weight at the moment but I might be able to work up to it. If not, it’s unsafe for me to expect myself to handle that amount of weight. It’s too heavy for me.

In the same way, not everyone is equipped to handle the weight of what I might want to trust them with.

Does that mean he/she is untrustworthy? I don’t think so. 

For instance, even though someone may not be able to share that their marriage is failing with one of their friends does not mean that that friend can not be trusted at all. 

There will be something that can be entrusted to them. It might be as simple as details of the day or joys experienced.

Connecting in this way -with non-judgement about what a friend can bear- keeps both of the friends safe in the relationship. Both are less likely to betray or feel betrayed and walk away from a relationship that is important to them.
Sharing the weightier issues must be done with someone capable of sustaining the weight like a Counselor, confident, BFF or husband.
Each relationship has a trust weight bearing limit. 

Do you know yours?

The Importance of Stewardship

  It was love at first site for me. I was totally and completely smitten. Although, not everyone understood why. I’m not sure I did exactly. I think it was a “short-girl thing”. 

My family had moved into a new community my Senior year of high school. I was feeling pretty nervous those first few weeks and months. Until, Warren Mahan drove up one day. My eyes lit up. As soon as he jumped out of the car, I ran over with excitement and intrigue. I knew in that moment that I was in love…

With his car!

What did you think I was talking about? 

He drove a VW Bug and I thought it was the cutest little thing I had ever seen.

Oh, the “short-girl” thing. You see, my parents always drove these huge cars. The kind that look like a cruise liner coming down the road. That was a problem for me. Being 5’1″, I could never see over the hood of the car, parallel parking was a nightmare and feeding the gas tank was like trying to feed a grizzly bear.

But the VW Bug wasn’t like that. It was small like me. I could easily see over it’s nose. Shoot, it even had curves everywhere like I did.

A dream was born in my heart.
I was into my 40’s and had just gone through a pretty ugly divorce when I was finally able to buy my first Bug. (That’s right, I’ve owned two and would have another in a heartbeat!)

I loved that car! I know, it’s not the same as real love but let’s just go with it. I loved that car.

And I was a good steward over that car. I was careful with it. I kept it clean inside and out. I made sure it was serviced regularly. It was my baby and I had waited a long time to have it in my life. I didn’t want ANYTHING to mess that up.

You could say, I was protective. Maybe a wee bit over protective like a father of a newly dating teenage girl. Just Maybe.

However, my stewardship paid off. She was a great little car and everything I had hoped she would be. 

I’ve learned over the years that if you care about something or someone, stewardship is a value key to protecting it. 

Growing too familiar causes us not to give the care, respect and honor that is required. 

You might have a career, a dream or relationship that means a great deal to you. Maintaining it’s value to your life requires that you be a good steward. Sometimes, we have to adjust an attitude or work on our behaviour or give respect or be less selfish. It can be hard work. That’s why courage is required.

The root word “cour” means heart. When we are courageous we go with our whole heart. When we put our heart into something, we give it the very essence of who we are.

It can be easy to lose heart. 

Especially when our heart is broken. And love isn’t the only thing that breaks the heart. However, we can’t afford to lose heart and not protect the things and people we really care about.

Good stewardship is one of the ways of living that I protect. It’s a discipline that has benefited every area of my life.

If it’s worth having, it’s worth looking after.

Do you have an area of your life that could use a little extra TLC? Your health? Your marriage? Your job? Or Your confidence? Your healthy boundaries? Your wholeness?

Even when things are messy, I’ve found that I can turn things around by getting my heart back in the game. A little TLC works wonders.


Trusting Yourself to Go for The Adventure 

There’s always that moment when you’re about to step forward into something new that you hesitate. You stop and wonder, “Should I really go for it?” 

You look back and wonder if you should remain in your comfort zone.
Girl, gone on…there’s an adventure waiting for you. Trust yourself to go for it.
Let’s make this Fearless Friday! What do you say?
Journey on,


Photo credit: thanks to Ginny Barnes Photography

I’m So Glad You Are Here

Welcome! I am so happy that you have decided to follow my blog and I want you to know that you matter to me! I want to welcome all of you who liked the blog and my Facebook page this week, shared a post, shared a thought or just stopped by to read a post! I am grateful for each of you.

I find so much joy interacting with all of you. You each have shared with me from your heart and I am grateful.
My college friend, Jeannie, shared this with me this week:
“Oil and perfume make the heart glad; So does the sweetness of a friend’s counsel that comes from the heart.” ~Proverbs
This is a perfect picture of the beauty of women sharing heart to heart. It is sweet and makes the heart glad!
Jeannie, Thank you!
I hope your heart was encourage, inspired and a little happier!
I look forward to seeing you often and please keep talking to me. Share a story or an experience. Let’s keep the conversations going! It’s sweet!
Journey on,


  We all have that someone. Let me be honest, I have been that voice before. In my brokenness, I was guilty of being a voice with the wrong message. Here’s the horrifying thing about that message: it echoes on long after I forgot what I said, long after I have moved on and longer than I ever imagined.

How do I know?
Because, someone once spoke a similar message to me. That message shows up every time I need to be courageous and brave.
It’s designed to make me doubt myself.
Silence the “You are not enough” message. 
Don’t doubt yourself. Be courageous. Be compassionate (to yourself). Be brave.

Give Yourself What Other Can’t

There is nothing more heartbreaking than the disappointment we feel when a person in our life can not give us what we deserve.

But people can not give us what they do not have.
Sometimes, you have to give yourself what they can’t. And it’s important that you do this without resenting them. 
Resentment clogs the heart. Keep your heart open.

How To Give Up Your Hope For A Better Past

Forgiveness gives us an opportunity. When we forgive, we let go of the hope for a better past. 

We can not make the past better than it was or change what it is.
We can do the intentional, purposeful work of healing from our past.
And we will find the opportunity and freedom to create a better present and future.
Journey on,


A Valuable Key To Whole-Hearted Living

According to researcher and author, Brene Brown, people who live whole-heartedly and experience more joy cultivate an atmosphere of gratitude in their lives.

The most valuable way I have found to do this is to pay attention and celebrate the small stuff. 

We can all get excited over the dream vacation, huge holiday celebrations or our favorite team’s landslide win.

But the purest joy comes from the things that ordinary days are made of celebrated each moment of the day. You know, the things we sometimes take for granted.

It’s the small things that give life it’s interesting flavour like the sprinkled cinnamon that tops my chai latte. 

If you are looking for fuller joy and the ability to engaged more whole-heartedly, the most valuable key is to celebrate the small stuff and cultivate greater levels of gratitude in your everyday life.

Journey on,


Connection Is Why We Are Here

deeclarknz.comNeuro-biologically, we are hard-wired for connection. Connection is why we are here. Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The feeling of being connected is the ability to link or associate with something, to belong; like what holds the pedals of this flower

Ask your closest friends and family about connection and they will tell you their most excruciating stories of heartbreak and feeling excluded. That place where we see at a distance what we long to grab hold of and feeling like it is too far away or attainable.

That place that screams from the deepest part of our heart and says, “I feel alone and it doesn’t feel right”. I have been there. I have been holding the hand of someone whom I desperately desired to connect with and feel the distance is too great a span for meaningful connection to occur. I have felt that no matter what I do, there is no kindness or gentleness or acceptance. It makes my heart weep and scream and whirl.

In the midst of the screaming and feeling alone, we begin to gather shame. Shame is the fear of disconnection. It is the belief that there is something about me that if other people know or see, that thing will make me unworthy of connection and I will remain alone.

Universally, we all feel shame unless we have no capacity for human empathy. It looks like: “I’m not _____ enough.”

  • I’m not smart enough.
  • I’m not thin enough.
  • I’m not rich enough.
  • I’m not beautiful enough.
  • I’m not successful enough.

Shame unravels connection.

In order to connect, we must find the courage to tell the story of who we are with our whole heart. We must be willing to be imperfect and fully who we are, letting go of who we think we should be to be considered worthy of connection. We need to be brave enough to see that we are different from those standing right next to us and that truth makes us beautiful and unique.

We must fully embrace vulnerability. We must allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. On my walk to the beach this morning, I met this gentleman who was walking his pet lamb (isn’t it cool that he has a pet lamb and is taking it for a walk?). I stopped to say hello and make a connection. He told me, “She does not like the lead. She is a bit stubborn.” I rubbed her ears and said, “We girls can all be a bit stubborn at times, can’t we?” As I walked away, I was flushed with a sense of shame that I had just told a complete stranger that as a woman, I have a stubborn streak. Yet, after thinking about it, I felt brave as well. I looked at an imperfection and declared it openly with vulnerability.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and joy and creativity and of belonging and love. When we find that vulnerability and tenderness are important, we will surrender and kind of walk into it. When we do, we find a willingness to take risks that bring us closer to each other; let our hair down, ask for help, initiate an embrace, love without guarantees and more.

According to Brene Brown, true, meaningful connections can be made if we will follow these 4 simple steps:

  • We allow ourselves to be deeply and vulnerably seen.
  • We love with our whole heart even if there are no guarantees.
  • We practice gratitude and lean into joy during moments of terror when we wonder, “Can I love you this much?”; “Can I believe in this as passionately?”; “Can I be this fiercely brave about this?”
  • We believe that “We Are Enough”. Because when we believe that we are enough, we stop screaming and we start listening. We are kinder and gentler to ourselves. And we are kinder and gentler to those around us.

To feel vulnerability means that I am alive. That you are alive. Being vulnerable opens the door to being connected which gives fulfilment to the purpose of our lives.

We live in a vulnerable world. What makes you feel vulnerable?

Embrace your vulnerability and get connected!