i wanted to share this lovely lady’s post today. such a powerful nugget of wisdom. i would like to remind my readers that no matter your situation…turn your face toward the sun! thank you, KBT for sharing your heart with us today!
(KBT, i hope i have gone about this the right way. if not, please let me know and i’ll correct what i need to..i’m pretty new to the whole blogging thing).
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
~Maori Proverb
we women can get a bit emotion at times. i decided some years back that i need to “feel” what i feel but hysteria only nullifies my point. i am pretty passionate about things. i am also a bit of a rescuer. are you familiar with that term? (maybe i’ll go into more detail on a future post). basically, the Stephen Karpman “drama triangle” proposes three psychological roles that people often assume in a situation. according to Wikipedia.org these roles consist of:
we move around the triangle depending on the situation. at one time or other in life, we’ve been all three. i have a strong tendency toward being a rescuer. i like to help people. hurting people. especially those who can’t help themselves. it is very important that i check my motivations and whether or not i actually need to get involved. maturity is a wonderful thing. there was a day when i was so passionate about rescuing the victim…that i’d be a bit emotional about it.
balance is a good thing. especially if you get so involved that you aren’t thinking straight or using wisdom. (after all, we all have to walk our own journey. at times we need support from others but it needs to be “us” walking the journey and not someone else directing us. that’s called co-dependency. it’s not healthy.)
a friend emailed this set of pictures to me a few years back. (i have attempted to give as much credit as possible below). at the time, i had just concluded a very ugly divorce. my emotions were a bit raw to say the least. i found myself attempting to rescue my daughter in the “situation” (BTW, REALITY check was: she didn’t need to be rescued. i used it to justify my hysterical reactions to poor actions). when i received these photos, i realized just how insignificant my “problem” was. in the scope of the size of the universe…what i was facing and ACTING was pretty small and petty. plus, i was getting no where because i was too raw and emotional about it…i was being discounted and nullified. i needed a plan. cause if it’s not working…um, change something!
please don’t get me wrong. when we have a problem. they feel gigantic. i do understand this and I am not making light. divorce is a very serious heart ache for anyone who has been through it. abuses are despicable. financial ruin is crippling. i do understand. actually, i am empathetic. a broken heart is not to be taken lightly.
what i am talking about today is getting control of the emotion so that you can move forward in a productive way. as we discussed the other day, when disappointments come…take some time to feel what you feel. process through it…you just want to do that in a way that does not wound those around you. in a safe and healthy way to yourself and others.
when i decided that i wanted to make changes, i had determined that there were true issues that i could not get resolved while my point of view was being disregarded. as i said, i needed a plan.
have you heard the expression, “pick your battles if you want to win the war”?
I had to figure out what battles were worth fighting and which needed to be let go.
I came up with a 5 year rule.
My 5 year rule works by asking myself:
if i am not even going to remember the situation in 5 years…why put a lot of energy into it? this question culls out a lot of minor situations that we can be passionate about…including making purchases that we think we can’t live without. if i won’t have the purchase, won’t remember the purchase because the quality was poor and i can’t afford it…um, end of discussion.
if i could honestly answer “yes” to the first question, i continued to the second question.
i need to know if i will still care about the situation as much as i do today.
if i can honestly answer “yes” to the second question, i work through the emotion until i can work with a level head. then i began to take steps to “fix it”.
i have probably told my daughter “don’t panic” hundreds of times in her adult life. she recently had a very difficult situation to deal with. she called me in tears. she heard what i always say first, “don’t panic. you can get through this”. i am so proud of her. she calmed herself. went into action (because the answer to both questions was a resounding, big “YES”). everyone involved complimented her including the person who presented the problem. (ok, those of you who know her…don’t ask…at this point it’s gossip and that’s a completely new post topic.) she was told that her maturity in handling the situation was very admirable. proud…yes, i was very proud of her! it works. you can accomplish success but you must keep your wits about you and do the job well.
remember…nothing is impossible…just believe…and trust yourself and your skills! you’ll be healthier…have healthier relationships and a happier journey.
thanks for stopping by,
D
(Please note: these images were emailed to me a few years ago. it impacted me when I first saw them and decided to share them with you today. i’d like to thank Steve Clayworth, who had the planetary shots posted on his website Random Clayworth. Steve provided a link back to where he first spotted the group which listed ‘the source for this material is unknown and it was submitted without attribution“.)
The Spinning Dancer appears to move both clockwise and counter-clockwise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
which direction is she spinning?
i was watching an episode of National Geographic’s, Brain Games this morning. on the show, they were explaining that the way the brain and eyes process information determines how the information is perceived. fascinating. what an amazing machine this body of mine is. complex and interesting.
the photo of the spinning woman. this is called a reversible or ambiguous image. because there is no depth cues…my brain can process the information so that i see her turning both directions. this boggles my mind. first, the creativity of the mind that created it. well done! secondly, it shows me another level of how my mind works. this mind that i have lived with all my life. the one that i have trusted not to lead me wrong. the one i reason with and so often am absolutely convinced that i have “it” right…whatever the “it” is at the time. right? don’t we argue black and blue sometimes that we did not put the keys anywhere else but on the table…they have a place and they are always in their place…except at this moment. so sure that i did not put them any where else. then, i’m doing something completely different, not even thinking about the keys and poof…there they are. i have a one second flash of the last moment those keys were in MY hands and i put them…(not there…i never put them there…why are they there?)…on the bathroom counter. now it’s coming back to me; my hands full, my weak kidneys screaming at me, and i made a mad dash for the restroom. i sat them down and forgot. ouch! problem is, i just knew that it was not me that moved them from their rightful place. UGH! i just hate eating crow…but sometimes, i get a big ole mouthful. i’m amazed. stunned. i just didn’t see it going that way. i was so sure.
Do you see a young woman or an old woman?
one of the experiments this morning demonstrated how our peripheral vision allows us to recognize movement such as someone walking up behind us or a car approaching but is not focused enough for us to pick details. a group of guys were to pick a cheerleading team for the cheerleader that was holding a huge sign with an “x” on it. it was revealed to the participants that more than 50% of the chosen teams were guys in cheerleader uniforms. i love a challenge so i was focusing my mind. telling my mind that it would not fail me and i would get this right…ummm…no, i didn’t. i picked guys for the cheerleading squad as well…even after i knew that there were guys in the line up. really?
then this:
the mouse on the table is broken.
and
the mouse on the table is eating cheese.
my brain attempts to find a picture of the word mouse so it kind of pauses until the end of the sentence where it can connect the concept with the picture it wants to give me so that i understand what i have read. then it zooms back to the word mouse and drops the picture so i can grab the concept.
my mind immediately took me to a conversation my husband and i had the first month i was in NZ. i asked him:
“would you light the grill for me so i can cook dinner?
he stared at me blankly…”how do i do that?”
really?
it’s a grill. who doesn’t know how to light the grill.
a grill resided in the garage…so, he has done this before. that look, though. i couldn’t understand. he was looking at me like i just stepped off an alien ship. what in the world? i walked him out to the garage, pointed to the grill…”this…light this”. he smiled and replied, “oh, you want me to light the BBQ? I can do that”. Da…!
what i didn’t know that day was that to my NZ husband a grill is what i (an American) call a broiler. the look…it was because when i asked him to light the grill, his mind could not register the concept of lighting the stove. when i walked him out to the garage, his mind processed and the light came on…”she means the BBQ”. we have had many hilarious and not so hilarious conversations that are similar. now, when we are communicating and the other person just isn’t getting “it”, we stop and ask, “wait, what does _____ this mean to you?” whew. has helped heaps.
my brain is like a computer processing my perception of life, words, pictures, songs, people through what i call “a filter” of my personal experiences, culture and gender. it becomes my understanding and representation of all things.
in the book of Romans in the Bible, i am told to “renew” my mind. a wisdom nugget. in light of what i have shared above, that means to me, i have to bring my mind up to date. when i am making my judgements about my journey and the people in my journey, what happened yesterday and the many days before are unrelated to the situation at hand today. i might need to apply a principle or learned lesson to the situation but i can not let my “filter” rule my actions and reactions.
skilful communication is so important.
i struggled with bulimia as a young woman. i must make sure i don’t cross my healthy boundaries concerning self-image. an outfit that does not fit properly for my body type is not allowed to communicate to me that i am fat…ugly…and further. when i look into the mirror, i must understand that i have a history of looking at my body through the eyes of the bulimia. when i hear myself say, “that looks awful!”, i need to clarify the message. i must renew my mind to accept that i am at an acceptable, achievable weight. i must make sure that i focus the message being communicated through what i see in the mirror (and in my mind) is not the woman of years past. i have chosen the wrong outfit. my self-image is not under attack.
this can be applied when we feel lonely. the mind might communicate the message that we are friendless or that there is no one who cares for us.
when we make mistakes, the message might be presented that we always fail.
a tone of voice might present the feeling of being ordered around or controlled.
today is a completely new day. new lessons can be learned. decisions adjusted. changes made. new creativity experienced. our mind and how it perceives the stimuli coming it at it, needs to be weighed carefully. renewing the mind brings it update, to the moment in time where you are in your journey. understanding that things are not always as they seem gives us the freedom to take a new look, a new approach…live today to it’s fullest.
take another look…
…are you seeing what you think you see about your life.
here’s to renewed minds,
D
i’m feeling a bit carefree today…see disappointments don’t have to weigh our hearts down for ever.
emotions will line up with our goals…perspective and hope are such powerful tools. they help the joy take it’s rightful place and help us lighten up so that dealing with the important things in our lives is not such a daunting task.
i love to be around otter personalities. like i’ve said before i’m usually the quiet one but from time to time…i will challenge myself to lighten up, push past the shyness and not take myself so seriously. i find it especially helpful after i’ve faced a stressful day like yesterday. now, i’m not really that good at it. that’s why having an otter personality or two around helps to encourage me to step out on the limb…and let my hair down.
being silly helps me remember that life is not all work, stress and difficulty.
laughter does good like medicine….that’s a proverb…you know what? laughter really is good medicine for my heart….i have to say i actually really like the proverbs. i don’t always understand all the “lingo”…so i sit and reflect on them, digging for the practical, golden nuggets i can apply. i really like the thought of being successful at what i do… i really don’t want to waste too much time if what i am doing is not going to work. right? i mean really, what sense does it make to keep doing something that is not working. what’s that saying? the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and again but expecting different results.
i, also,love to read quotes and look for how other people view wisdom. you will notice i am sharing a few of my favorites from time to time.
i decided to add a page to my little blog site here…kind of my down to earth approach to what i see as the practical tips i find in the proverbs…there are hundreds of life tips in there that i’ve found pretty helpful. i invite you to have a look.
if you haven’t had a good laugh in a while…hope the pictures i am sharing today will make you chuckle….
if you’re world seems to be piled sky high with stress, responsibility,and harsh realities…you might need to grab your most spontaneous “otter” friend and take some medicine…laughter…
if you’re friend is not available…here are some of my favourite comedy movies:
ok, kind of looks like a Steve Martin marathon…what can i say, i’m a fan. then again, i loved lucy, carol burnette, and bill cosby too. now, i’ve dated myself. i enjoy many modern day films as well…but when i need to just have a laugh for silliness sake…well, these are my tried and trues.
tomorrow is a the Queen’s Birthday. NZ is a part of the English commonwealth…we get to celebrate her birthday with her by having the day off…
i will be planning to go play with my grand babies. see you when i see you!
why not, if i’m being silly…here are their funny faces!
thanks for stopping by,
D
look for the good…you will find it
be still…wait it out…it will be worth
there is help and hope beyond a broken heart…
* Believe*
you are so worth it!!!
my brain understands that disappointment by definition is dissatisfaction resulting from unrealized expectations. my heart knows disappointment as pain that attempts to drag me to a black hole called hopelessness. it is a grain of sand in my shoe. annoying, painful, and distracting.
yesterday, life was happening. housework was getting done. my husband was bouncing his creative ideas off me like I was a wall he threw a bouncy ball against over and over and over again. lol. luckily, I’ve learned to cope with endless hours of creative business solutions coming at me. we were ticking off the “to do list” and feeling pretty good about it. then, the phone rang. i didn’t even have to hear the conversation, the change in my husband’s countenance told me volumes. disappointment. news of an unrealized expectation. i gasped for a breath as if i couldn’t breath. my heart thumped as if it fell several feet. then, there it was…the fear that maybe things might be too hopeless. an end might be near.
i’ve had a day or two like this in my 52 year journey.
a failed recipe, shrunken favourite sweater, speeding tickets, broken appointments, weather interrupted plans…disappointing but manageable.
a wrecked fender, an employment rejection letter, moving from my dream home…disappointing, more effort required to manage.
a devastating work place fire, divorce, a corporate take over or death of my fiancé after a drunken driver hit our car…disappointing and very painful.
when disappointments collide with my life, looking on the bright side or seeing the silver lining can feel next to impossible. disappointments, big or small, attract fear and negativity like a magnet. focusing on the positive can feel like the hardest thing in the world especially the big ones that are life changing. however, I have found that it is possible to focus on the good things in my life when i face loss.
here are some ways, i’ve found to make handling disappointment more manageable:
today, after my disappointment from yesterday…i grabbed my camera and headed for a walk on the back beach. as I sat on a big rock reflecting. i began to take the steps above to process my emotion. when i was finished, i snapped this photo. i could see hardness. i could see ugliness (the rusty pipes). i could see the crashing waves that reminded me of the waves of disappointment. i could see the clouds. but i could also see the vastness ahead. the infinite possibilities yet to be discovered. the blue amongst the cloud. the beauty i could not deny. i whispered a prayer (maybe i begged) for help. i could see that maybe my blog might be insightful today. that the positive side of my situation might be that one of my readers be inspired to move a little further forward on their journey. i got up with renewed hope…renewed strength for my heart.
when i growing up, my dad was a minister. sunday mornings held traditions like Poptarts for breakfast, doning our best attire and heading off for sunday school. first of all, let me just say for a child attending school, more school was not my favourite weekend activity. disappointment would meet my heart at the very thought that my two day break from school was interrupted. to make matters worse, the school seemed to have a clear focus on history-Bible history. history was the one class in school i abhorred-even though as a kid i didn’t know what abhorred meant. although, Pop Tarts for breakfast helped-child logic (can you see the reason i did what I did? the reason behind my disappointment of having to go? there always seems to be an answer to- why do I do the things I do? Anyway, back to the subject at hand) if i was expected to endure school and a history lesson, i longed to find relevance. i was the child with the hard question. basically the bottom line question was, “nice story so what do i do with it?” i frustrated many a teacher.
years down the road of my journey, i found my answer. i have come to look at it as a life manual. it’s like getting a new kitchen appliance. there’s a manual (remember, i’m a beaver personality…i read them!) that manual tells me what parts are supposed to be in the box, how to put them together, the potential the machine has, cautions for miss use, potential dangers and suggestions, like recipes, to create something wonderful with it. i have found the Bible to be the same. (i’m not going to argue right or wrong with you if you disagree….remember, this is my blog about my approach to my journey…and it’s been very helpful for me). i’ve created some beautiful things by following the instructions i found there. i’ve also ignored the potential dangers & cautions about miss use…and found the manual was pretty spot on about results. I’ve also prayed quiet prayers that no one else in the world knew i’d prayed…and received answers.
i say all that to say that, i am not alone when it comes to disappointment. the Bible is full of people with disappointed hearts. they made it through and their journey has shown me that i can always reach for hope and faith and wisdom.
i can remove the grain of sand from my shoe and start to climbing my mountain…
i know you can, too!
thanks for spending time listening to my heart today.
D
Looking in the mirror Too hard to bear Only if I fear the truth Reflected on me there Denial feels a safer place Yet leaves my heart forlorn The truth though hard Will bring me back To the path for … Continue reading
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Hi, I’m Ruchi! Welcome to my blog, where I share my travel experiences and the photographs of the places I've visited. Join me here on a journey to explore the beauty around and ride along to wherever my travels take me to next.
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