3 Simple Steps to Take to Stop Burnout

Posted on September 24, 2014 by Dee Clark

Are you busy as a bee today?

Nature can be an invaluable teacher of wisdom. For example, the busy little bee shows us a great example of work ethic, productivity, and community. There many interesting habits these little guys have that we can learn from. Did you realise that in the height of honey production season, a bee can literally work itself to death? The normal lifespan for a bee is 9 months during cooler temperatures but in warmer weather when conditions are right for getting their work done…bees will work themselves to death. There is work to be done and they are determined little creatures that are committed to their purpose, even if it costs them their life.

As a business owner, I love to have staff members who have owned the vision, work with us and not just for us, and who are willing to go the extra mile. As well, as the owner, often times I am required to give every last ounce of energy, both physically and mentally, in order to get the job done. It can be exhausting and stressful. Can I get a witness?

Constant stress can leave you feeling disillusioned, helpless, and completely worn out, leading you to burnout. When you’re burned out, problems seem insurmountable, everything looks bleak, and it’s difficult to muster up the energy to care—let alone do something about your situation.

Most of us have days when we feel bored, overloaded, or unappreciated; when the dozen balls we keep in the air aren’t noticed, let alone rewarded; when dragging ourselves out of bed requires the determination of The Hulk. This becomes a problem if these feelings continue without relief.

Relentless stress sends us spiralling into burnout. There is a difference between being stressed and burnout. Stress involves too much: too many demands, too many pressures, and too much effort. Under stress, you still believe that if you get things under control, you will feel better. Hope is alive and pressing for change.

However, burnout is about not enough: feeling empty, loss of motivation, and absence of care (“I just don’t care anymore”). Hope is illusive and you begin to feel like quitting altogether.

Stress feels like you are drowning in your responsibilities; burnout feels like you are dried up and have nothing left to give.

This can appear to sneak up on you but it actually occurs over time when stress relief is hindered. In order to prevent burnout, it is important to recognize symptoms to your health, emotions and behavior.

Things to look for include:
~feeling drained, low immunity, frequent ailments, and changes in appetite or sleep habits.
~sense of failure, feelings of being trapped, feeling defeated, feeling alone, increasingly cynical and negative, heightened frustration, and decreased satisfaction.
~withdrawing from relationships and responsibilities, procrastinating, taking frustrations out on others and substance abuses (food, drugs, alcohol).

If you recognize the symptoms beginning to develop, you can take steps to get life back into a healthier balance. However, if you are already past the breaking point, trying to push through and continue on the destructive path you are on, can cause further damage. Pay attention to your body’s signals and take action.

1. Slow down. Give yourself time to rest, reflect and heal. You may not be able to stop everything but force yourself to take a step back where you can.

2. Ask for support. Friends and family will not be able to “fix” your situation but sharing what you are facing may relieve some of the stress. Opening up builds trust and strengthens relationships. This is important because we all need support at one time or another. When you are feeling better, you will be able to return the favor. If this step does not help, as always, I suggest seeing a professional. It’s important not to try to be “too strong” or in control. True strength is demonstrated when we know our limitations and reach for the help we need.

3. Reevaluate. Burnout is a flashing red light that something is not working. Are you neglecting something important in your life? Balance is vital to healthy wellbeing. Take this opportunity to discover what brings you joy and balance life to include more of it.

I am imagining the focused little bee flying out, gathering, returning, depositing, doing whatever bees do to produce the honey, and then buzzing off to do it all over again. Driving itself further and faster and busier until…well, the picture isn’t pretty. We sometimes do the same thing…adding more and more and more until something has to give. Let the “give” be to what we do instead of to our well being. Yes, I know -there is a lot on your plate. Yes, I realize -it is important. Yes, I understand that you must be responsible.

Just remember, for you to continue offering your brilliant gifts to the world, you must recognize that your most valuable resource for accomplishing your purpose is YOU. Be sure to take responsible care of this important asset. In the long run, you’ll get more accomplished.

Are you busy as a bee? Keep up the good work but don’t over do it! Be wise.

Here are a few quotes to help encourage you when you need added strength:

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”-Isaiah
“My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.”-David
“Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.”-Isaiah

This is my entry for the One Word Photo Challenge: Mustard. Thank you for checking our my contribution and the other amazing entries.

Having fabulous week, my friend.
D

How to Deal with the “Something’s Missing” Feeling

Posted on September 17, 2014 by Dee Clark

Do you ever get that “something’s missing” feeling? Or “I’m craving something” feeling but have no idea what it is you want?

I do.

Today I started craving something to eat. Since I have been a bit indulgent lately I thought I would make some kale chips. My daughter put a bunch of kale in my shopping cart the other day and suggested I try to make a healthy snack. Eww! Yuck! I was not craving kale chips!

Over the next several hours I frantically went from one thing to the next attempting to satisfy my insatiable hunger. Nothing was bringing satisfaction to my longing. Exasperated I finally grabbed a glass of water and sat down. I took a sip. Yum! It felt refreshing. I wanted more. I drank it down and wanted even more. So, I refilled the glass and guzzled it down. Each gulp tasted sweet and satisfying. I wasn’t hungry. I was thirsty. My body needed water.

I was content. I was no longer frantically searching for what I was missing.

I find that whole process exhausting! Lol I reach a point where I just want to know – What is it?

I used to be that way with shopping, too. I would feel that needy feeling, hit the shops, spend far too much money and find I still was not satisfied. Then six months down the road I found myself completely frustrated with things I hated, cluttering my space and overwhelmed that I had spent money on things I no longer wanted. Exasperating.

I learned that the reason for the empty feeling was lack of personal value. Money can’t buy that. Accepting myself for the valuable person I am was like my thirsty body drinking in that glass of water today -refreshing and satisfying.

It’s easy to loose our sense of contentment and set out on a frantic treasure hunt. The problem is that we can search for answers in all the wrong places. We search for love with the wrong people. We beg people for answers to our problems. We panic and search and search and search.

Nothing satisfies.

Elizabeth Gilbert explains that the best, most effective way to find or restore contentment is to stop, sit, and be still.

Quietly.

Calmly.

Prayerfully.

Get still.

In the stillness comes the ability to hear more clearly. In the stillness comes the ability to assess what is real or perceived need. In the stillness comes creativity. In the stillness, contentment and appreciation and gratitude can flood your soul.

And contentment, when it comes, causes that needy, lost feeling to pass.

We are all living in a frantic world. However, it is important to take quiet, still moments in our day to remind ourselves that we already are enough, have enough and have learned enough for this part of the journey.

Do you need to sit and be still? Go ahead…take all the time you need.

(I would like to welcome my friend, Samantha Pearson, and thank her for her photo contribution. I look forward to working with her more in the future.)

Sunshine and Smiles

Posted on September 16, 2014 by Dee Clark

There are days when I am too shy to speak to strangers but those are days that I just walk down the street smiling at everyone I pass by.

I have found an amazing truth in this exercise: the person I smile at smiles back.

Every time.

It makes me wonder if there is an involuntary response that emerges from deep in our souls.

What do you think?

Have you noticed how people respond when you smile at them?

Give it try.

See how many people you smile at smile back. Then let me know if it’s just me or if I’m right…

people always smile back.

Just wondering…😀
D

10 Things That Are Helpful To Know About Grief

Posted on September 2, 2014 by Dee Clark

At 7:47 am this morning, my phone signalled that I had a text. I was still asleep and not quite sure I was ready to wake up. I almost ignored it. However, at the second beckoning, I reached for the phone and read, “if you get up and get dressed there is a big seal on the beach where Jake and Ella play.”

My husband knows I get very excited when I’m afforded the opportunity to be close to sea creatures. How close depends on how safe I’ll be. Nonetheless, I usually want to give it a go.

Yesterday was the first day of spring here. I could tell today was going to be a cracker of a day because sunlight was streaming through my window and beaconing me to accept his invitation.

I dressed quickly, grabbed my camera and made my way across the street to the beach where my grandchildren love to play when they visit.

As I approached the shoreline, it was like the sea and it’s dwellers were dancing with joy electrified at the birth of springtime. It was amazing! I wondered what I had missed by sleeping away morning hours as I often do.

The air was crisp, the cerulean sky was energizing and my heart was pounding with excitement. This was going to be a good day.

As I turned the corner, sure enough, there was a huge seal lying on the beach. The sun was casting a glare but I took a photo anyway. It didn’t matter.

I thought, “it’s not celebrating the day like every other creature I’ve seen. It must be sunbathing”. The closer I got, it didn’t move, didn’t scurry away as I expected. It was still, covered in sand, motionless. My excitement turned to worry. I wondered if it was alright.

I got as close as I dare, sat snapping photos in every direction waiting for it to make a move because of my presence. But nothing.

I called out to it, it ignored me.

After a while, a local who was walking his dog came inquiring if it was alive. I affirmed that it was but not moving. He explained that she (oh, “it” is a “she”) had been here yesterday with her new born pup but the pup died.

Died? She lost her baby? Yesterday?

Suddenly, my trip to the beach this morning was bitter sweet. I was in the presence of a mourner.

I sat with her for over an hour talking to her about what I imagined she must be feeling. For my heart was familiar with the pain of grief.

Shock. Fear. Loneliness. Anger. Exhaustion. Emptiness. Sadness.

She lifted her head and looked at me. Her eyes were sad and I am sure that her mouth had formed a frown. Maybe I’m crazy, but I sensed her broken heart. I think she sensed I was offering understanding.

I continued to talk to her.

She stretched her neck, opened her mouth and bellowed a deep moan.

“I know, it hurts. Loosing something we love, hurts. And it’s heart wrenching. I know.”

At that, she lay back down, motionless.

From that moment, my heart was faced with looking at it’s own experience of grief.

Many years have passed since the day I was awakened to the experience of grief but I’ve learned that grief has no expiration date. The sting is not as shocking but it never ceases to amaze me how unexpectedly it knocks at my heart’s door.

I lost my fiancé in a car accident caused by a drunken driver when I was 22 years old. I knew nothing of death. I did not know how to grieve. In fact, I felt completely lost.

I promise, I will share my story with you. After all, it is part of my journey to finding emotional healing. But not today.

Today, I want to share a few important lessons I learned about grief.

1. The shock hits like a lightening bolt. Prepared or not (and I categorically was not prepared), it’s a sucker punch to the heart.

2. Bereavement is like a waterfall. At the beginning, it seemed I had been plummeted to the pool below, tossed and tumbled in the fury of the flow. I felt powerless and numb. I was desperately hoping that I was moments from waking from a nightmare.

3. Death and grief make people uncomfortable. There were awkward encounters.

4. People offer support. It was valuable even when I didn’t know how to accept it.

5. People tell you things that are not true about grief. They mean well. It’s important to be honest with them when what they say doesn’t help. You can help take the pressure off of them by assuring them that just being there is more than enough.

6. The world doesn’t stop. It’s hard for others to understand that when their life resumed to a state normalcy yours didn’t.

7. Normal feels completely foreign. You are forever changed. Grief is not only about mourning what you lost but the process of discovering a new normal.

8. Grief does not submit itself to a time limit. Times does not heal all wounds. Your response to grief will change over time and the intensity of the emotions will decrease.

9. There are grief triggers everywhere. Don’t panic. After 32 years, today, when grief was triggered by a saddened seal, my thoughts revisited the pain and my heart reached out in my blog hoping to help a hurting heart.

10. When I was ready to live my life again, it did not mean I was disloyal to the one I lost. Although my life was forever changed; living, loving and pursuing happiness was proof that the love he left imprinted on my heart made me stronger, better, and bolder. I allowed his legacy to be about embracing life rather than the devastation of loss.

💖now that you are gone, my heart is broken. because you once were here, it is completely filled with love.💖-unknown

Anyone who has lost a loved one knows you don’t “recover”. Instead, you learn to incorporate the absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy into others, and eventually, your grief will walk beside you instead of consuming you” -unknown

Finally, if you are grieving, listen to your heart. Ask for help when you need it. Talk about your loved one when you need to (you will have a trusted friend who will know that bringing up the subject is a healthy thing to do). Feel. Cry. Love. Remember. Live. Hug…hug those you love…ALOT.

Reader, if you have been in the presence of a mourner and feel they may find some comfort in what you are reading, please share this post. However, please make it clear that they should read it when they and their heart are ready.

Sending my love and a great BIG HUG!
D

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Silent Sunday

Posted on August 31, 2014 by Dee Clark

Morning Dew

Posted on August 31, 2014 by Dee Clark

I have had a few early mornings with my camera lately (the weather is co-operating recently). Yesterday, everything seemed to be glistening with dew. It was fabulously beautiful. A couple of spiderwebs caught my eye…so, I went with it.

dew is the fruit of a clear, calm, quiet sky

distilling

softening

quickening life

refreshing

fructifying

Grace is similar to dew

gently

patiently

encouraging

accepting

bringing softness, refreshing and fruitfulness to my heart

Dialogue

Posted on August 30, 2014 by Dee Clark

WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge: Dialogue

This week Frèdèric Biver offered the challenge to offer two photos in dialogue:

Dialogue is an engaging conversational exchange.

When it comes to photography, dialogue can be perceived as a consensual interaction between two images.

Placed next to each other, each photograph opens up to meanings that weren’t there when viewed alone.

Each composition reveals the photographer’s specific sensitivity to certain content or visual elements.

and

Enjoy!

Finding Seedlings of Happiness Beneath the Weeds

Posted on August 30, 2014 by Dee Clark

September is the first of spring here although there are no guarantees for warmer weather for a while yet.

Anticipating spring and summer, I have been waiting for the garden fairy to come clean up my gardens. I’m not quite sure what her problem is as I have seen the work she has done in the yards all around me like the original energizer bunny of mulching and weeding. Major garden cleanup involving pruners and heavy cutting is NOT on my list of favorite gardening activities. Sadly, she just refused to show up at my house!

What’s that you say? No garden fairy? Shut the door!😩

My yard is extremely overgrown and looking more like a South American jungle then a place to relax with a glass of cold lemonade.

Good thing I decided to get out of my gardening funk and tackle it myself this week.

I grabbed my kitchen scissors and headed out to my jungle of a yard. Yes, scissors. I’m no gardener and sadly, scissors were the closest thing I had on hand to use as a garden tool. It made about as much sense as a surgeon with a butter knife. Nonetheless, it was what I had and I walked out of the house certain that I could take on this overgrown mess.

The first few weeks after we moved into this house last year, I was enthusiastic about tearing up these intruders. It even felt mildly satisfying, but with hectic schedules, life in general and winter weather, the chore soon wore thin. Even maddening—and my poor gardens fell into disrepair and became overgrown.

Once I got into it…ugh! no, it wasn’t therapeutic…shoot…I was optimistic but weeds and bugs and sand flies nipping at my ankles is not my idea of relaxation or mind calming therapy. It’s hard work! Yeah, I know, scissors didn’t help…you should see the callous on my thumb.

Complaining aside, something kind of wonderful happened. As I picked and pruned and tied and tidied plants that seemed to have grown the size of the Titanic, I made a few discoveries. Under all the weeds, and plants that had taken over more than their intended space, were beautiful little plants struggling to survive. Some were twisted and bending -attempting to squeeze their way up through the rubbish to reach the nourishing sunlight.

Finding these fragile little seedlings increased my enthusiasm for the task. They also made me think about my heart. While I am enjoying more wholeness everyday, my overgrown garden was a powerful metaphor for the overgrown intruders that had once prevented happiness and joy thriving within my heart.

Fear, not forgiving, bitterness, judgement, criticism and hatred were tiny at first. They seemed inconsequential and comforting solutions to events I was facing at their appearing. Mimicking a beautiful budding vine, they intertwined each other and slowly, insidiously, choked the life out of the beauty within my heart until joy began to die.

Necessary and painful weeding within my heart stripped the garden of my soul clean and exposed tender seedlings of happiness and joy twisting and bending -searching for the light of hope. Life, full life, was awaiting me but it required work on my part.

I began a step at a time for no overgrown garden is cleared in one go. I cried out for forgiveness. “Forgive us this day as we forgive those who trespass against us…” Because I received forgiveness and mercy, my heart softened and offering forgiveness and mercy became a choice I wanted to make.

I clipped back hatred and bitterness uncovered love which -by the way- is limitless when it begins to bloom.

I pulled up judgement and criticism that had mugged my compassion for others. Blossoms of friendship and stronger relationships began to flower and color my life.

Fear has been the most tangled weed to dig up. Most days, I’m braver. Some days, I’m not. However, it’s more manageable when I apply gratitude.

These days, the garden of my soul flourishes with contentment, hope, happiness and love. It sings praise and celebrates new life.

I’m exhausted after taming my garden jungle this week to regain control but I am also grateful. It reminded me that the necessary hard work is definitely worth the effort both in my yard and within my heart.

Let me encourage you to do a little digging…you might be surprised what you find buried beneath the rubbish.

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Roads

Posted on August 29, 2014 by Dee Clark

The challenge this week from Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge: Roads. My contribution follows below. Enjoy.

Approaching a round-about in Wellington. It took me ages to get used to how round-abouts worked. I, once, got turned around and lost on one in Aussie. The getting lost part was surprisingly the good news in the story…it caused someone a long walk through the night -needless to say…he wasn’t thrilled about it. Yikes!

A country road outside of Wanaka, New Zealand. Just off this road is a beautiful bike/walking track and entrance to a gorgeous kayaking adventure on the river.

One of the roads leading into Wanaka, New Zealand. This is my favorite scenic town in New Zealand. The lake and mountains are just majestic!

Finally, roads in downtown Chattanooga, Tn…my hometown. Home sweet home.

“There’s more to getting to where you’re going then just knowing there’s a road.” -Joan Lowery Nixon

Hey, it’s so nice to see you today! Thank you for stopping by. While you are here, have a look around.

Have a great day.
D

Frayed Ends and Frazzled Hearts

Posted on August 23, 2014 by Dee Clark

WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge : Fray

My husband and I have very different outlooks on fraying. To him, the frayed holes in his favourite pair of jeans equal comfort, breaking in and the accomplishment of finally removing the confinement found in brand new jeans. To me, frayed jeans, frayed ends on my hair and unraveling of any kind demand attention. I recognise that the fact that I am seeing the frayed ends appearing is a statement that I have been honoured with much time and use; but I am not content to live among the fray. I have to do something. Hubby, well let’s just say that he is going to attempt to take advantage of every last thread.

His Phlegmatic (Otter) personality usually insists, “she’ll be right” or “no worries”. Not me! I want tidy little packages with bows of bright colour, weedless gardens, and balanced budgets. Yeah, how’d you know? I am a Choleric (lion) personality with a touch of Meloncholic (beaver) with a glass full of OCD on the side. Thread-bare and frayed? There has to be a cure, right? RIGHT?

While I enjoy the new. the bright and light in life…unfortunately, life isn’t like that all the time. We don’t always stay young. We aren’t always energised. We don’t always feel like charging up the mountain.

Like the dandelion, what was once a bright yellow bloom one day, will in the course of time, begin to show signs of fray. This is natural. The first stages really aren’t so bad…after all, with a dandelion…in this stage, we often look on the bright side and make a wish!

I’m sure you can understand what I mean. You get your dream job. The sweet baby you have been carrying and waiting for is finally here. The relationship you have prayed for all your life is finally happening. Life could not be better! It’s everything you hoped for…until it’s not!

Your assistant is constantly out of work with family issues and the work load is added to your already hectic work schedule. Maybe the boss says a few things you disagree with and you have to bite your tongue rather than respond. Perhaps that new relationship partner insulted you, and you had to control yourself in a public place. Or possibly you have been up night and after night with a baby that fusses hour on end. Your feelings and emotions begin to feel frayed and frazzled but you are keeping it together.

You’re restrained and applying self-control. It is what we use to “hold it together” when we might be otherwise minded.

But then…someone bumps into your cart at the grocery store and you go all commando on them…WHAT…just…happened?

Did you know that the brain is using extra energy for self-control in stressful situations?

When you are faced with repeated stressful issues, it draws on a store of mental resources that you use for self-control. If you drain those resources enough, then you may have trouble controlling yourself further, according to Psychology Today.

We don’t always hold up and together. We get tired. I’m not just talkin’ a little bit fatigued, I’m talkin’ worn out, run down, lay on the couch and veg-out kind of tired.

You know what I’m talking about…those moments when your not sure you have anything more to fight with and you’re just about ready to scream, “UNCLE!”

The very idea of moving again has us worn to a frazzle and with “frayed edges,” to our feelings.

You begin feeling devastatingly alone. No one can hear you cracking. Fraying.

Maybe not at first…but then…It’s hard. It’s wrenching. It’s incredibly painful and it’s difficult to feel lightness or to see clearly.

Hanging by a thread can be really disorienting.

You might not even fully understand how you got here. You regroup and find the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

It may be hard to believe right now, but not only will it be okay, not only will you get through this, you will thrive again.

You will be clear and vibrant and you will get your MOJO back.

You are going to get through this.

You can do it.

You ARE doing it.

You have years of layers and lifetimes of experience and strengths to call on — skills that you didn’t even know you had.

You will make it through your heartbreak, your pain…just like millions of others who have felt this pain.

Other people have survived and when they got out of the frayed place, they left a breadcrumb trail out of the pain.

You can trace their steps.

My OCD tendencies cause me to want to keep pushing and FIX THIS NOW! I only end up exhausting myself. A key is to step back…renew and refresh my body,mind and spirit. Rest is important for my body to cope with the struggle(s). Period. I have to take care of myself. It’s important even if I don’t feel like it (and sometimes I don’t feel like it). When my mind is overwhelmed…I head for refreshing the spirit first. I personally find it easier to get my mind to “shut up” when I get quiet and pray. I love walks on the beach for this step. I’m out in the fresh air, listening to the waves crash into the shore and I pray. Maybe you don’t (and that’s up to you), some people meditate (I do…I meditate on the Word of Wisdom) searching for the truth that will bring me peace to frazzled heart. Once I have that wisdom, then I refresh my mind and thoughts with what I know will make a difference and help me to begin repairing the frayed ends of my life.

Maybe your frays feel more devastating and you are exhausted, lacking motivation, feeling frustrated, feeling cynical or negative. Maybe your having problems thinking clearly, your experiencing interpersonal problems, not able to take care of yourself, you’re preoccupied all the time, experiencing health problems, and generally dissatisfied. You want to take relaxation seriously, and unplug but are struggling to find a way that is beneficial and sustainable.

After the shocking news of Robin Williams recently, I realise that not everyone finds their way out of the frayed and frazzled places as easily as a quiet walk on the beach or a whispered prayer.

If this describes your situation or the situation someone you love is in…seek help. Don’t wait until your life or theirs is thread-bare…find someone you trust that can help bring the help that is needed.

I watched David Letter’s Tribute to Robin Williams and at the end he makes the statement that he didn’t realise that Robin was in so much pain. Sometimes, we don’t realise. However, we can become more aware of what is going on within our own hearts and the hearts of others so that hopefully we will see even a few of the signs. We can listen more. Ask important questions and offer what we can in meaningful ways so that the frayed ends and frazzled hearts of this world (including our own) can be mended and healed.

It may be hard to believe right now, but it’s going to be more than okay.

You may wince when you look back (understandable,) you may cry unexpectedly, but you’ll be more alive, and more You.

You will be strong.

And you will feel a curious sensation of being more useful. You might even be able to leave a few crumb (steps) for others to follow.

I certainly don’t have all the answers necessary to help you through all the trials and tribulations you’ll face when you’ve reached the end of your rope -but my hope is that I’ve offered just enough to help you begin to stop your belief that you’re the prisoner of circumstance, powerless before the fray.

Dear Stress,

Let’s break up!

-unknown