patience has a partner in love

Posted on September 5, 2013 by Dee Clark

all of creation responds to kindness in a similar way. kindness disarms defences and brings hearts to a common level.

i’m not all surprised that the the first description of what real love looks like is that love is patient followed by love is kind. have you ever attempted to show kindness in a state of impatience? can you say difficult? however, have you shown kindness and seen impatience melt like snow?

one of my pet peeves is rudeness. funny thing is that my distaste for rudeness can make me impatient and rude…dah, dee…how does that work? you dislike rude people so you’ll be rude. that is not a congruent philosophy, is it?

a key to converting impatience to patience is the space between our impulses and our actions. it’s all about the timing.

customer service people often face hour by hour rude customer’s which can wear them down and bring out the rudeness in their personalities. dealing with a rude store clerk provokes a reaction inside me. there was a time that it provoked anger, frustration and corresponding responses…but over time i’ve learned that if i allow a kind response to provoke my actions, the result is more beneficial.

i was standing in line the other day at a shop and the clerk was not very nice. i stood and listened as she snapped at customer after customer. some customers snapped back and others exhibited the sting on their stunned faces. when it was my turn to be served, i began with, ” bless your heart, it looks like you are rushed off your feet. does that make for a rough day?” her whole demeanor changed. “i’m having such a difficult day.” then she began to share her heart concerning many other difficulties she was facing in her life. i was presented with a wounded heart. opportunities like that are jewels to me and had i impulsively responded to her rudely…i would have denied myself that opportunity. by the time i stepped away from the counter, she and i were giggling, she gave me a special manager’s discount and she thanked me for putting her day back into a positive perspective. as i approached the exit i heard her say, ” hello, how is your day going? at least the sun is shining, that makes the day more fun when you are shopping.” the customer behind me was being greeted kindly and cheerfully.

patience and kindness are partners when it comes to love. they are a great team!

on this subject, i think Paul had some great advice (message version):
if you help, just help, don’t take over;
if you teach, stick to your teaching;
if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy;
if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate;
if you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond;
if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them.

Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.
Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.
Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame.
Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant.
Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder.

Help the needy; be inventive in hospitality.
Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath.
Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down.

Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up.
Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.

Don’t hit back;
discover beauty in everyone.

If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody.

Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness.

Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

a kind heart is not for the wimpy…it shows strength of character and maturity.

Paul also advised, “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking…always dragging you down to its level of immaturity.” it is much easier to fit into a grumpy culture; however, it’s not nearly as rewarding. being grumpy doesn’t get you closer to your goals and dreams of being loved…but kindness will.

even the most difficult person to deal with is on a search for acceptance and love. the love we long for is true and genuine…and it is patient and kind.

my advice for practicing kindness: the most fun you’ll have is to get out there and share a few random acts of kindness…it will melt your heart and the hearts of those you show kindness to…have fun with it!

remember practice makes perfect, this one should be easy!

if you accept the challenge, let me know how it goes in the comments section…or share how you have turned potentially volatile situations around by showing love in the form of kindness.

thanks for reading,
D

how to practice love in the form of patience

Posted on September 4, 2013 by Dee Clark

impatience is an emotion. patience is a skill. like all skills, patience is a life skill that can be practiced until application can be made more easily than when you begin.

the relationships that we invest in are truly rewarding. our hearts hope that they will make us happy beyond belief. talk to a young couple before their wedding day or before the birth of a new baby. the heart is full of expectations for the future. it is when reality meets those expectations causing disappointment that frustration surfaces.

when my daughter was five years old, my husband and i decided that we wanted another baby. it would be three more years before the birth of my son. there was the first expectation that met frustration. we had a timing in our mind and yet there was a long period of time to wait until we received confirmation that we would have our second child join the family. if you have ever planned to start or continue your family only to have reality present an alternative timing, it is heart wrenching, frustrating and painful. once he was born, we were elated. then came the sleepless nights. he did not sleep as well as my daughter had. it was a shock to the system after eight years of normal sleep routines. i would have difficult days of weariness that were trying. we made it through the sleepless nights, finally. then as a toddler, he began too bite other children. do you know how embarrassing and stressful it is when your child harms a friend’s child? this was not going as it had the first time around or the way i had expected. this lovely, beautiful little boy was the delight of my heart but he was trying my patience…in many more ways than i ever desired to endure.

what was i to do? i was not enjoying those moments i was living. i wanted to fast forward to easier, more enjoyable days, the future seemed so distant and far away…when life as i had hoped it would be would appear.

i was given advice to “be patient”, encouragement that he would get through the stage(s) and things would settle down. we often think another person should find patience easier to conjure up than we do in our own difficult situations. we mean well… we do…but we find taking our own advice impossible when faced with our own circumstances that evoke frustration, anger or pain; a stubborn or distant spouse, a self-destructing teenager, a special needs parent, a bullying boss, or a rude stranger.

i was irrevocably and inescapably stuck in the moment—my feet were tied to it. had i writhed and hollered as much as i wanted, i was still not going anywhere. i was there. immobile.

the available antidote was patience. it speaks of self-control, restraint, delayed gratification, bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance; tolerance and persevering. it was not my idea of a party that i wanted to attend. yet, it was necessary.

the revelation for me was that patience is a skill, not an inherited trait i happened not to inherit. it leads to relaxation, not self-harnessing. it gives you the freedom to have a pleasant time even when the baby gods are playing with you. it converts the helpless rage of impatience into a delicious sense of spaciousness.

patience creates more space between impulse and action.

impulsiveness causes you to act hastily. patience creates feelings of peace and calm, as opposed to the anger and frustration that often arises with impatience. impatience is on the anger continuum. first, you have irritation, then impatience and then anger and, at the far end, rage. patience keeps your anger turned off.

so, how do we practice this skill and develop patience? how can we apply patience, so that frustration goes away, outrage cools, and peace is yours?

1. accept that whatever is happening right now is the way it is. accept that you are here, living this moment as it is. coming to terms with reality helps you to focus your emotions.

2. apply persistence. that’s the capacity to keep on going even though you can’t yet see the end result. it’s what keeps us moving toward our goal and thus helps us make our dreams come true.

3. practice cultivating a sense of peacefulness, serenity or calmness in the face of what is. address poor, learned behaviour such as ranting, fretting or working yourself into a frenzy. stop, breath deeply, count to 10 (or 100), or separate yourself from the situation until your emotions return to a calmer state. whisper a prayer or recite calming scriptures. many find repeating the serenity prayer helpful.

4. focus on your goal of healthy relationships and perfected love.

5. focus your effort, energy and skills on problem solving. pursue wisdom in order to find a solution, this will produce a more effective result.

6. trust yourself, apply compassion when you fail at applying patience…practice makes perfect…keep going…all skill development requires time and practice, practice, practice.

today as i planned to write a post on practicing patience, wouldn’t you know, things did not go to plan. i woke not feeling well. i faced a busy work day. and my husband seemed to want me to help him do something every 5 minutes, and in the midst of all that i lost half of the post before i was able to publish it. opportunities to practice will present themselves. it never fails. i had to laugh at myself and my situation…

i told myself, “dee, love is patient…” and i made the 100th cup of coffee of the day as requested and began to reconstruct my post.

patience is the first and possibly one of the most difficult steps to producing genuine love in the heart. it is a skill. if you find impatience surfacing in your heart, do not fear…you can apply wisdom, practice this skill and develop real love…love that will not fail at building strong, fulfilling relationships.

the next we will explore the fact that love is kind.

i hope you will join me,
D

love and impatience don’t belong together

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Dee Clark

relationships engulf the biggest part of our lives. can you think of how many of your activities involve a relationship in one way or the other? the most important to many of us is family. add church, friends, work, school, community and strangers (store clerks, bus drivers, joggers, and more) and it doesn’t take long to fill a day. Relationships enrich our lives but they can also try our patience.

interestingly enough, when i was searching for the best description i could find for love, i found nothing better than 1 Corinthians 13.

wouldn’t you know, the very first description was that love is patient.

it would be very easy to read over that word and think, ” oh, isn’t that nice.” we are not going to speed past this word today…we are going to stop and consider it…think it over and decide what we can do with this. after all, it is wisdom. by now, you know how much i adore wisdom.

imagine a thermometer. a temperature gauge. how would you measure your patience level? if you are like me, you might imagine that you are pretty tolerant except in a few instances.

what would be your patience level in these situations:

1. you are sitting in a traffic jam, it’s hot, other driver’s are honking and trying to cut in front of each other.

2. you are waiting in line at the bank on a busy Friday afternoon and there is only one teller waiting on customers.

3. you have had a busy day. You just want to eat dinner when you get home but your spouse thought you were bringing it home with you.

4. you are late for work, the keys are lost. the kids have a hundred questions about when you are leaving? your spouse drove the car last and can’t remember where the keys are.

5. you have a stubborn elderly parent who relies on your care.

6. your boss seems to always be in a bad mood and you catch the wrong end of the stick continually.

actually, it’s not difficult to conjure up a list of frustrating examples, life is full of them. our patience gets tried right and left.

love is patient.
love never gives up.
love endures long.

what exactly does it mean to be patient?

a good ole google search renders this definition:
.
1. bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness.
2. marked by or exhibiting calm endurance of pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance.
3. tolerant; understanding: an unfailingly patient leader and guide.
4. Persevering; constant: With patient industry, she revived the failing business and made it thrive.
5. capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive.
6. capable of bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance: “My uncle Toby was a man patient of injuries” (Laurence Sterne).

1. enduring trying circumstances with even temper
2. tolerant; understanding
3. capable of accepting delay with equanimity
4. persevering or diligent: a patient worker

we live in a world where patience is no longer a virtue. with technology, we no longer have to wait for “snail mail” (even the slang name indicates…it’s too slow to use). my husband gets a bit agitated if he drives through McD’s and they are slow getting his order to the window. he likes to watch the timer above the window and 2 minutes is too slow. really? i’ve been warning him about the 2-3 hour wait for a table at my favourite American restaurant on our next visit home. i’m going to enjoy watching him practice his patience. ☺

an impatient person never wants to wait for others, or does so with great reluctance. an impatient person feels angsty when things do not go to plan. an impatient person usually feels a great sense of urgency to get things over with and to move on to the next thing, the next task, the next place, the next stop. he/she usually has little regard or interest to what’s going on at this moment in time, because in his/her mind, he/she is already thinking about what he/she has to do next.

our patience is challenged when we are faced with circumstances out of our control, when there is a lack of planning, when our expectations are not met, when we don’t have a clear understanding of the situation and when there is difficulty with communication.

i don’t know about you but there are plenty of opportunities that come my way in all five of these areas.

personally, i was most impatient when i lost my keys in mornings. i was always trying to get one more load of laundry done, or dinner in the crock pot before work. i was not consistently organized so my keys could be any where…which meant, when i was in a hurry…there would be a lot of yelling at the kids and my husband. not a good look. it’s not helpful for building good relationships either.
the underlying problem for me was my perfectionist tendency. this tendency was a driving force in my life that often threw me into chaos and my impatience would end up sky rocketing.

my husband is a what I call a “yapper”, a “chatty cathy” type personality. he loves to talk like no one i have ever known. when we were first married he would wake me at 3am because he was awake and “needed” to talk. he becomes very impatient if i take too long to make my point when we are communicating. he already has his next thought formed and can’t wait until it’s his turn to talk again. Lol. my temptation to be impatient having to listening non stop all day is often pressing but i’m getting better at being patient everyday.

wanting what we want when we want it. this desire repeatedly manifests itself as a constant feeling of impatience, a source of self-pressure (in an unhealthy way), and an annoyance at things that stand in your way. these are negative, tension-filled, and fear-based emotions which have no place in our lives. impatience is an emotion that has no place in our heart. it is destructive.

as a result, many of our relationships become strained and begin to break down. this result is seldom a favoured goal.

colossians and hebrews tells us that we can exercise and practice patience. when i was growing up, the members of my dad’s congregations would declare, “don’t pray for patience because tribulation works patience.” we’ll, who wants to invite,much less pray, for tribulation to come into their lives. there seems to be enough of that without asking for more. so, the common result would be that impatience would continue to rule. problem NOT solved.

i think we should look at the idea of practicing patience and explore how to develop this skill. i invite you to join me tomorrow for a little practical exploration. let’s look at replacing impatience…the emotion that has not place in our heart…with patience. this wisdom might just help develop stronger bonds of love and improve our relationships.

please join me again on this journey as we look at what love is and how to develop genuine, life changing, never failing love in our lives and relationships.

as always, get your friends and family in on the adventure and share this post with them. together we can make A Difference in our circles of influence.

see you next time,
D

a great lesson about shortcuts

Posted on August 30, 2013 by Dee Clark

shortcuts remove you from your path. i won’t say that every shortcut is worthless. in my travels, i have taken a by-pass on a highway to lessen the frustrations of slow traffic, stop lights and small town nuisances. it shaves some time off the trip. however, i have noticed that the scenic route is not usually on the by-pass…it’s in taking the extra time and effort, slowing down a little that the beauty of the journey is revealed.

it’s not always about the destination…it truly is about taking hold of the “NOW” that i am in, enjoying the journey- even when more difficult, that i find the hidden treasures that enrich my life more than i could have hoped for.

i often think of Joseph, a young Jewish boy who was sold into slavery but ended up as a prince in Egypt. his difficult journey taught him how to work with his hands, how to feel empathy for the slave,
how to show mercy for the merciless, how to survive difficulty, the need for true justice, how to discern matters, how to speak before government leaders, how to deal with corruption, how to relate to many classes of people, and many more valuable lessons that made him a great, compassionate and wise leader.

when faced with the “NOW” you are in, mixed with difficulty, resist the temptation of the shortcut…the difficult way may end up being the easier choice and most rewarding.

i invite you to pass this along to your friends, family and co-workers today. there is always room for improvement and it’s awesome to encourage each other along the way.

thanks for stopping by today,
D

5 things children can teach us about succeeding

Posted on August 9, 2013 by Dee Clark

children are amazing creatures and we can learn some important lessons from them about succeeding in our lives and reaching complete well-being.

do you realise that children possess the key elements required for success within them from the very beginning of life? they do…instinctively. which means, you possess within you exactly what you need to succeed, overcome difficulty and live a whole-healthy life. i believe it’s not there by chance. it was by design! in fact, i’m sure of it. after all, if we look at nature, every creature and part of nature was designed to perform in every way exactly what it needs to for existence…perfectly.

and aren’t we the crowning glory of creation? the most amazing creature of all that was created in nature and life? why, yes, WE ARE!

this sends my mind down a reasoning path like this: why then, could i ever imagine that i am unable to live my life to it’s fullest? i watch little creatures like birds flutter about making nests, gathering worms, chirping songs, learning to fly, migrating, and everything they instinctively do in their little lives…without failure…and i (and you) sometimes question whether or not i can “do this”.

why?

as we grow, we become conditioned whether conscientiously or not by negative experiences and others around us. often, it starts when we are children because “conditioned” adults do not realise that these essential, designed elements need encouragement and nurturing.

there are 5 things children can teach us about living successfully and fully:

1. excitement. just stand in the midst of a group of children and ask, “who wants ice cream?” the group will erupt with excitement. let a child learn a new skill or draw a picture and they can barely contain themselves as they share it.

excitement is an instinctive element that acts like fuel. too many adults exchange their excitement for a more logical requirement of security. we don’t want to be disappointed therefore we stifle excitement until we are more “certain”. however, we still get hurt, disappointed and have disadvantages. excitement fuels our hope. we need to be excited about our lives. not allowing ourselves to “get our hopes up” does not prevent the disappointment…it stifles our creativity, willingness to try and keeps an under lying current of sadness flowing in our lives.

we can attempt to lead safe, secure lives expecting and waiting for guarantees but we will miss the opportunities excitement with lead us to.

2. persistence. everything we undertake in life requires persistence: losing weight, lasting relationships, financial freedom…and more. often, we give up before we reach the goal because it feels too difficult.

my granddaughter was here last night for my birthday. this is her approach:

Ella: “DD, can I have a milo? (NZ hot chocolate)

Me: “sure, give me a minute and let me finish this then I’ll make you one”.

(seconds go by)

Ella: “milo please”

i repeat my first reply which she accepts.

(seconds go by again)

Ella: “aren’t you going to make my milo?”

if I managed to get through 1complete minute to finish the task…she will have asked for the milo a minimum of 10-20 times in the minute. persistent! until she has the milo in her little hands…BTW, then we were immediately onto, “can I put on your make up”…and she asks persistently until she gets what she wants.

now, as adults, we want them to learn patience, to not be so demanding and stop annoying us. the problem is, we are training them to set aside a vital key to succeeding if we don’t handle it properly. they learn that persistence equals annoyance and it is not acceptable.

i think instead, we should learn from them how to reactivate this key in our pursuit of successful living.

3. adventure. risks are vital to success. children have amazingly adventurous spirits. if someone says they can jump off the roof with fake wings strapped to their arms…they are willing to try. boys will eat worms just to see what they taste like. at 12 years old, i jumped off a diving board because the other kids said i would float. i took the risk and because i couldn’t swim, i nearly drowned. that fear paralysed my risk taking for the rest of my life. children don’t stop to analyse the possible pain that could result, they jump right in.

if you have a big dream, you will have to be willing to take risks in order to see it eventuate. you might experience pain but you might not…you might actually make that dream come true!

4. shake-it-off. watch a toddler learning to walk. he falls down, maybe a bit stunned, but he keeps getting up and attempting until one day…he is walking.

a child learning to ride a bike might fall off but they shake it off and learn to accomplish the goal.

as adults, when we fall or fail, we think, “how could I have been so stupid. i’ll never do that again”. we stop. many times we are told of inventors who failed many times before they found the “one” invention that worked and was a huge success. the key is to shake-it-off…get up (don’t stay down)…and keep trying! success, healing and wholeness will come.

5. faith. the final thing we can learn from children is faith. we all have it designed into our very being.

have you ever tried to argue a point that a child has but their faith into? my granddaughter’s teacher told her that butter was not healthy. since that time, she has refused to eat butter. my daughter told me that the other day she was trying to convince her it was ok to eat butter. ella finally dipped her little finger in the butter and put a tiny dab of butter on her bread. however, her faith in the message that it was not healthy has her convinced and she is not going to eat it. Lol.

faith is also the reason most children believe that on Christmas Eve there will be a visitor who comes down the chimney and leaves them surprises if they have been especially good. there is no need for evidence or proof of the possibility…just blind belief that it must be so…so much so that it alters their behaviour to ensure success…gifts under the tree!

you and i were designed with the excitement, persistence, adventure, ability to shake-it-off, and ability to have faith in order to succeed at forgiving, in our relationships, accomplish our dreams and whatever else we set out to accomplish.

our Creator knew what we would need to produce successful, heathy well-being in the same way He knew what the birds or dolphins and all other living creatures needed to thrive. He knew and He designed us with those elements knit into our being…

just watch little children…it’s there…even without having to be taught!

i think we could watch and learn. if do, we would discover some amazing keys to making our lives the success we long for.

isn’t that “exciting” news?

i think so.

being you is success

Posted on July 13, 2013 by Dee Clark

i’ve never given much thought to how small or insignificant i might be. i’m far too busy gathering what i need to produce sweetness. i am not concerned whether my product is accepted, approved or required. what i do nourishes me and others…that’s all that matters.

i am far too busy to worry that the flower overshadows my existence with its beauty. i bring it opportunity for multiplication. it offers me morsels for creativity. we need one another. mutual respect for the other’s purpose.

i am happy with my place in the world. i don’t know how long i’ll be around to do what i do…today, the sunshine, the flower and flight. that’s enough – for now.

buzzing, busy, purpose-full…resulting in sweet, golden success. that’s all…but that’s enough!

isn’t it awesome to be you?

7 step exercise program for developing strong life qualities

Posted on July 12, 2013 by Dee Clark

mind, body and soul – women are complex beings.

there is a lot of emphasis on taking good care of the body. excellent advice can be found nearly everywhere you turn. i have a lot of fun researching yummy/healthy foods to eat. i love the DYI health resolutions with natural products i have at home. then there are fashion and beauty tips. i like gathering as much information i can so that i can be as effective as possible in my pursuit. some of this advice makes taking care of the body quite fun. we understand how important exercise is to maintaining a healthy body. although not always fun, there are some great ways to get the body moving and have a fun doing it.

our intellectual and emotional health is equally as important. as you know, i do a lot of talking about wisdom. gathering, learning and searching out wisdom to help to keep our minds and emotional well-being as healthy as possible. many of these principles require that we apply discipline and practice them to receive maximum impact.

understanding the logic of being diligent with the mind and body is sometimes easier than the exercise and practice; however, we understand the importance.

therefore, Peter’s proposed 7 step exercise program for the soul/spirit, should not be a foreign idea. we have a responsibility in the our well-being; mind, body and soul.

you must first know what you believe and why. what standard do you live your life by? what do you put your faith in? you also need to know if there is a real basis for what you believe. if you don’t, you don’t have a foundation to build on. when life’s difficulties come and you feel you have been wronged – how do you know? if you have no standard to live by, then how can you have healthy boundaries for yourself or others. you live life as it comes…and frankly, it can be quite cruel.

Peter then tells us it’s not enough to just say you have a belief in something. you must add diligence to your faith. that means again…no magic wand. you add diligence to faith and then exercise the following qualities; activating one which develops the next. it’s like climbing stairs…one step at a time, as you learn and develop one quality, you then activate the next one. you can’t skip steps without missing the foundation to build the next one on.

exercising your faith will develop good character. this stage is where you exercise doing what you do with excellence, not perfection. preform your job for your boss with excellence. hosting a get together, apply excellence. this stage is a great place to exercise “The Law of the Garbage Truck” .
exercising good character will develop spiritual understanding and knowledge. the benefits of good character becomes clear. you begin to understand why you do what you do. we are motivated to take action when we see value in what we are doing.
exercising spiritual understanding develops alert discipline. discipline is required for anything great that we want to achieve. Athletes apply discipline to their sport. professionals apply discipline to their careers. students apply discipline to learning. it is easy to see in other areas of life where discipline is a key factor; therefore, we should not be surprised that in order to develop strong life qualities discipline will play a major part in the process.
exercising discipline develop firm direction, patience and steadfastness. have you ever wished you had more patience? did you know that patience can be developed but you first must have developed discipline? once discipline is developed fully…you can then use that discipline to develop your patience, endurance and steadfastness.
exercising patience develop reverent wonder-godliness. reverence and honor are such important skills. when i came to NZ, many people asked me about America and the honor we show to our servicemen, our president and our country. reverence and honor for God, country and others, promotes a real community type responsibility. i personally will guard reverence and honor, as i feel they are vital qualities for life success. my hope is that you would all see the value of this quality and exercise it. what a different world it would be with a little more respect.
exercising reverence, honor and respect develop warm friendliness. brotherhood, friendships and other relationships are built on a good foundation of honor and respect. we can’t argue with that, aye?
exercising warm friendliness develops generous love. not selfishness. generous love. isn’t that a desire we all have? to be loved genuinely? love is more than just a word. no wonder our hearts get broken so often. reaching this level of love requires a lot of exercise. it must be developed and it is built on a foundation of strong life qualities.

i think you and i could change the world…with a little exercise!

have a great day.

please drop by again soon.