how to honor the importance of technology in kid’s lives

Posted on July 22, 2014 by Dee Clark

as a grandmother of two beautiful little beings, i am interested in their development and well-being even though i am not totally responsible for it.today, while using my own technology, i saw a question posed by Momastery on facebook (btw, if you are not following them on social media, you should!) the question was this: are there any parents out there who have created a system that both honors the importance of technology in kid’s lives while also honoring the importance of healthy boundaries around their technology use?we live in a technology age. personally, i understand there are dangers (and if i forget, my husband is more than willing to remind me…often). yet, the dangers can be managed in many of the same ways we manage other potential dangers; training, accountability, communication and love. technology is a tool.just as all children need to learn how to handle other household tools, they need to be taught how to use technology, including how it works, how to take care of it, and respect for appropriate verses inappropriate uses at age appropriate levels.i may allow my granddaughter to sit in our boat and pretend to drive it; however, i remain close by, remind her what is appropriate to touch and what is not, and i am watchful for potential dangers such as falling-so that i can offer help if necessary.there is often concern that technology and media should be limited, but what matters most is how it is used. what is the content? is it being used in an intentional manner? is it developmentally appropriate? if a parent is confident with the answer to these questions, limits may become as unnecessary as on block time or book reading or dramatic play or manipulatives or sports. we don’t tell a child that his 10 minutes of puzzle making or reading for the week is up.it is important to be digitally literate and comfortable enough with the technology and the child development to know how to be appropriate, what’s effective, and what to avoid. adult involvement and interaction is as vital as it is when children are learning to cook, clean or even ride a bike safely. as children grow older, teaching skills for making wise choices, managing time and recognising risk help children who are becoming young adults learn to value balance in their life.trust your instincts. you know your child and if you think that a child’s technology time is limiting interactions with other kids or you feel a change of activity is called for, turn it off and nudge him/her in new directions. however, it’s also up to the adult to understand the child’s personality and disposition and to understand if technology is one of the ways the child chooses to interact with the world. technology skills can be as comprehensive, challenging and rewarding as the passion for sports, performing arts or writing. technology is an amazing form of creativity-it just has not reached it’s place of acceptance as an art or creative form.my grandson has learned many skills by using various technologies: not to give up because something is difficult or beyond his ability. when he comes to me to work a game through to the next highest level because he is unable to, i remind him of others times that his perservering has helped him to conquer the skill. he has learned to problem solve on his own and is learning to manage emotions like frustration and anger. my granddaughter’s favorite technology is YouTube tutorials on baking and decorating cakes. at age 6, sometimes she gives me instruction when we’re baking together. she enjoys watching but then can’t wait to practice in the kitchen. i couldn’t be prouder. it’s fun to watch them both.
finally, cut yourself some slack. sometimes, technology is also a useful tool for adults because parents have to make lunch, and need time to take a shower.
in situations like that, it is the adult’s job to make the technology time more valuable and interactive by asking questions and connecting a child’s virtual experience with real-life experiences in his/her world.training children to properly use technology may be new to most of us; however, we are pretty instinctive when it comes to what is best for our children. technology is and has been changing our world in amazing ways. learn together. keep your family’s life goals in focus and be creative.we honor the importance of technology in kid’s lives in the same way we honor other important skills we are equipping our children with…

we train and guide them

we communicate and talk to them about the family’s values

we hold them accountable and protect them

we interact and engage with them

we demonstrate balance by example

we love them

then we watch them blossom, grow, improve, excel, and enjoy!

3 things to help children learn to process emotions

Posted on February 17, 2014 by Dee Clark

recently, my in-laws came into town and we planned a trip to the park with my nephew and my two grand children. we started out with three happy-go-lucky children who were excited to participate in a fun filled afternoon. things were going quite well, if i do say so myself…

there was hanging…and smiles…

there was climbing…and smiles…

and squirting water…and smiles…

even the adults were finding there inner child…

and before we blinked twice…there were tears in abundance…tears brought on by the adults in the group who played on an adult playing field and left the children heart broken.

pawpaw played too rough for the grand children resulting in injuries (minor to the body but huge to their hearts)…and daddy played in a way that frightened my nephew…

there we were with three children with broken hearts.

what i witnessed was that at their tender ages, they did not know what to do with what they were feeling…

no matter how many apologies were given…the tears continued to pour.

i hugged each child and explained that although what the adults did was pretty yukky to a little kid, the offending adult did not mean to cause them pain or to hurt them…even though that is what happened.

i asked the adult to come over and say to the child, “i’m sorry that i hurt you.”

i then asked the child to offer forgiveness and say, “pawpaw, i forgive you.” or “daddy, i forgive you.”

my goodness…the tears poured out even more. my grandson said to me, “i can’t forgive him” and he walked to another part of the playground by himself.

i watched as he sat alone for a few minutes and, when he could he rejoined the group, as someone suggested we go to another part of the park and visit the animals.

as we walked, i noticed my grandson and his pawpaw walking together ahead of the group. pawpaw later explained to me that, my grandson had run ahead of the rest of us to catch up with him and as they walked, Jake said, “pawpaw, i forgive you for hurting me.” my husband then explained that he realised his actions were silly but that he had not wanted to hurt Jake…he just wanted to play and it turned out badly. he also promised not to play rough like that again.

as my husband told me about their conversation, i smiled because i realised that my grandson had taken himself out of the situation to be alone for a few minutes and when he had processed his feelings and was able, he extended forgiveness and moved on.

that was a proud moment for me…i saw maturity developing in my six year old grand child.

it can be frustrating working with children because they have not reached a place of understanding concerning their emotions or how to work through what they are feeling.

we teach children to walk, dress themselves, colour inside of the lines, and these skills help them make advances in life.

i think it is as important to help our young children begin to understand what and why they are feeling what they are feeling and give them tools for coping and managing their emotions.

they may not get the whole concept, but children are bright (my grand children can operate technology better than i can) and they are capable of building life skills that will benefit them on their life journey when they are dealing with emotions in friendships, family, work and other social arenas.

here are a few things that are important for children to learn concerning emotions:

1. how to identify what they are feeling. am i angry or frustrated? do you realise that a child’s reaction to anger is the same or nearly the same as when they are frustrated? learning to recognise the difference and communicate it, will actually help the adults in their lives help them come to grips with how to handle the emotion effectively. children need permission to express emotions in a healthy way.

2. what to do with that emotion? suggesting the child take some time on their own to allow angry or frustrated emotions to settle is a valuable solution. however, it is more than a “go to your room until you calm down” response on the adult’s part. i have found with both of my grandchildren that even when an angry emotion is raw, when i remain calm and ask them if they are feeling angry, the emotion often diffuses quite a bit at that point. as we adults know, when someone shows understanding concerning what we are feeling, some of the pain is removed. adults should be good role models. show children how they can express their emotions. use show and tell, art and writing as outlets for emotional expression.

3. discuss and practice appropriate behaviour. children do not learn and perfect skills on the first attempt. we stand them up, we encourage them to take a step and they fall down. we then try again. it is the same with training any skill and it can be applied to teaching and training them how to maintain healthy emotional well-being. give children phrases and options that they can use when they are attempting to express themselves. help them practice the skills so that processing their feelings becomes as natural as brushing their teeth will one day.

by the way, we ended our park adventure with many more smiles than tears…and had a lovely afternoon.

i would love to hear how you help you children process their emotions. please stop by the comments section before you go and share your experiences with me.

here’s to smiling children and enjoyable afternoons,

2 keys to dealing with confronting communications

Posted on January 19, 2014 by Dee Clark

a gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles tempers. -Proverbs

good communication is an important foundation for strong relationships.

communication breakdowns occur when strong, negative emotions overshadow the message. as women, we can be very passionate when we feel strongly about an issue.

there is a temptation to release the tension caused by angry emotions by yelling, slamming doors or other outbursts. however, an angry approach adds fuel to the fire. the emotion then becomes the focus. the message you are trying to communicate can become diminished or misunderstood. as a result nothing positive is achieved.

expressing emotion is an important part of communication as well. the key is to communicate them so that you can move past them, not fuel them.

when we find ourselves in a confrontation, it’s important to remember these 2 things:

an answer should be given – the injured person should not wrap himself in sullen silence
and that answer should be gentle

gentleness can be firm without being harsh.

i was visiting my daughter the other day and my grandchildren wanted to tell me about a conflict they had with each other.

each was passionate about their position. the end result of the conflict was not very good, even from their young perspectives.

it caused me to realise how important it is to teach children to communicate what they are feeling, communicate their feelings, value each person’s feelings, respect another person’s boundaries, forgive and move on.

so, we practiced.

at first, neither wanted to participate. i had to respect that.

within a few minutes, my granddaughter agreed and decided she did want to practice what she should do.

as she and i began to practice how to communicate, my grandson decided that he would practice as well…because it meant that he would be heard.

by the end of the exercise, they had practiced communicating to the their sibling what they wanted to say, asking for forgiveness, and giving forgiveness.

life skills are not caught…they are taught.

when we are given the appropriate tools, we have a better chance at being successful.

and we all want to be successful at whatever we attempt to do.

conflicts are difficult. they can be painful but they are not impossible to resolve.

good communication skills can help us to focus on the issue and not become side tracked.

you don’t have to remain silent if the issue is important to your heart.

your response can either help or prevent a successful outcome.

the choice is fully yours to make.

anger will ignite an unsuccessful outcome and gentleness will defuse the situation.

10 facts about your primary gift

Posted on January 7, 2014 by Dee Clark

the holidays are finished and we are already full steam ahead into the new year. mine has already been busy and productive.

all of my Christmas decorations are down and packed away until next Christmas -which i am sure will arrive before i blink twice.

i have de-cluttered every room in my house so that everything has a place and everything is in it’s place or at least can easily be returned there.

at work, we are busy little bees as our juvenile stock grow like little weeds. i truly enjoy watching living things develop and grow.

on a personal note, i am attending to the few extra pounds by doing a refresher course on the Dukan Diet.

little by little, i am making progress and keeping up my momentum on my journey.

the next step for me is to get back to sharing my heart with my readers.

since we have not long ago had a season of giving and receiving gifts and many people are looking at what they would like to accomplish in the new year, i decided today that we should look at recognising your primary gift.

Mike Murdock shares how we can discover the gifts, opportunities and relationships that are already in our life in his Laws of Life series.

i would like to share these 10 facts to help you better recognise what your primary gift is.

everyone has gifts and there will be one that is dominant in your life.
not everyone recognises their primary gift; therefore, the opportunity to feel unrewarded or dissatisfied with life can present itself.
although you may see similarities to another person’s gift, your primary gift will be unique to you. there is no one like you in all the world and your gift is significant and important.
your gift will help solve problems for those closest to you. The proverbs tell us, “Don’t withhold good when it is needed, when it is in the power of your hand to do it.”
obsessing about your weakness will prevent you from seeing and appreciating your gift. China has the greatest ping-pong players in the world. once when the master mentors were asked how they handled the weaknesses of their proteges, they explained that they ignored them. they explained that if the dominate strength of the player received total focus, it would compensate for any weakness elsewhere in their form. it is not wise to rehearse and focus on the qualities in life that discourage us most.
your gift will operate greater in challenging circumstances. fighters and boxers will often find more energy arise in them the greater the challenge they face.
you must guard against letting what other people focus on concerning you deter you. sadly, relatives can sometimes focus on your weakness and we can adapt to it. we can begin to put too much focus on what others despise.
admiring other people can create a desire to emulate their primary gift. you are unique…no one can be you and you are not meant to be someone else.
what you would love to do everyday of your life is a good clue to recognising your primary gift. try this: if everyone in the world was only allowed to earn $10 per hour, what would you choose to do?
your point of difference is what is significant about you and your gift. it is important to learn from those around us (remember, your gift will help solve problems for those closest to you…well, so will theirs help you). however, it is important to remember that your gift, your significance and difference are for a different purpose than anyone else’s. celebrate your difference!

David recognised that he was more than a psalmist or a shepherd. he was a warrior and he knew it! Israel once sang out that Saul had slain his thousand but David, his ten thousands.

Joseph was more than an interpreter of dreams. he had uncommon compassion. recognising the unhappiness of his cell mates was the catalyst to his ascent to ruling in Eygpt.

Paul was more than a thinker or talker…he was a revelator.

finding your most dominate gift will give greater significance, satisfaction and focus to your journey. focus all of your energy on it, not your weakness. if you give your full focus to developing your gift, it will compensate for your weakness.

i certainly hope that you have had a great start to the new year and i look forward to seeing you back here soon…for more insight from a woman’s heart.

5 reasons silence is effective

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Dee Clark

sometimes, there is just no better solution than silence.

i have found silence to be a very effective tool in my little life toolbox. life skills are valuable and i would categorize this under healthy boundaries.

this one was hard for me to learn since early on in my life i determined in my heart that i would have my say. i thought it was a safety net. instead, often, it was a hole in my bucket. it often caused things to get worse.

of all the subjects to be discussed, proverbs gives many keys of wisdom on the mouth, the words we speak, and how we speak them. it is strange to my mind that not saying anything all can be more effective than saying everything i think at the time.

i have learned that it truly is an effective boundary and more times than not…it works.

reasons why silence is so effective:
1. i am not always right. shock horror! yet true. what works for me will not always work for someone else’s life. each person has their own journey. allowing them to make that journey the best way they can is important.

2. sometimes, people just need someone to listen. i’m a fixer. not everything has to be fixed. there are times when only a listening ear is necessary.

3. the timing is all wrong for what someone needs to hear. maybe someone who trusts me needs
accountability. however, a heart must feel safe, be open and ready to hear. if the timing is wrong i could make matters worse.

4. the person already knows. they may be looking for agreement for a wrong position. i don’t have to give my agreement but i don’t have to spell it out for them either. they already know what to do. giving them time to work it out can be more effective than pushing them.

5. the situation may be too volatile or ridiculous. i used to wonder why grandmothers would shake their head and walk away…there is a good reason. you just can’t put a workable solution into words. my husband is the king of off the wall comments…silliness. i have found myself shaking my head and walking away! he then comes out with, “that’s a pretty silly thing to say, eh?” then I can give it a, “um, yeah!” done. it works for anger as well. although listening to a rant is not easy, my boundary is “if you communicate in a responsible way, i will participate in the conversation. if not, i will be silent until you can.” conflicts are many times fewer than ever. it works with children, too. i tell my grandchildren that when they are ready to calm down we can talk…until then I won’t be talking to them.

there is something about our human nature that does not like to feel like we are being ignored.

i have a sister who is 13 years younger than i am. when she was a toddler and annoying (at least to a teenager), i would tell my other teenage sister to “i-g-n-o-r-e her” and my baby sister would yell, “don’t ik-nore me!”

although, what i am talking about is different than ignoring someone, silence is more effective and gets someone’s attention much better than lectures, nagging, or being pushy. i am talking about using wisdom verses manipulation. you will know the difference! it is often very clear where silence is best served and effective.

there are times when i do not stand in silence: bullying, abuse, and matters of safety. still, wisdom can be applied…maybe fewer words or the proper authority can do the speaking. at any rate, the key is to use wisdom and not go to extremes at one end or the other…you don’t want to say too much but you don’t want to be totally silent either.

have you ever asked yourself, “why did i say?” Or have you said, ” i’m always putting my foot in my mouth”?

if so, you might want to develop a healthy boundary that allows you the ability to sometimes, say nothing at all.

give it a try. practice. see if it works for you like it has for me.

for help, check out the wisdom found in proverbs.

when learning this life skill, i would do word fasts. i would fast (or cut out) all unnecessary words as a way to develop the discipline.

there are many effective ways to practice.

silence truly is powerful!

how success is connected to stewardship

Posted on October 3, 2013 by Dee Clark

“the one who is faithful with little is also faithful with much, and the one who is dishonest with little is also dishonest with much…if you haven’t been faithful with someone else’s property, who will give you your own?”

Jesus told a story about a manager who was wasting a rich man’s estate. he was about to get fired. he didn’t want to do a labouring job and was too proud to beg for a living. he decided to be clever. he brought the people who owed the rich man money and made a deal with them so that they would take pity on him (and owe him a favor) when he got fired. he was hoping they would take him in. he asked them to rewrite their contracts for less than what was owed. kind of sounds like some dealings that go on in the world today. there really is nothing new under the sun.

at the end of the story…we are told this fact…anyone who is faithful with a little- will be faithful with a lot. anyone who is dishonest with even a little, will be dishonest in larger dealings as well.

it is very easy to become disgruntled in the work place. be very careful…because as we know, where our thoughts go…actions follow. actions like discontentment, gossip, bad attitudes and if left unchecked…clever thinking…taking advantage in ways that cause us to be dishonest.

a person begins to feel untitled to waste time, make adjustments here and there…and some have been led to fraud of varying degrees. it’s dangerous to become so familiar and allow an attitude of entitlement to take hold.

the life key here is: if you can’t be trusted with what belongs to someone else…your success, goals and desire for your own property is at risk.

kind of a what goes around comes around kind of thing again…a reaping what you sow…another of those laws like natural laws that are at work bringing results good or not so good.

i am thinking about this today because i have been working all week on the house we are renting. this home is not my own. however, the person who bought it with their hard earned money, have honored me with the opportunity to use it. it is not mine…yet, the life skill i have just mentioned requires me to honor this property as if it were my own. my parents also taught me that if i use, rent or borrow something, to leave it better than when i found it. that way, there will be no conflict, when i have a need in the future or make a future request, i can be trusted again..

i want to build another home in the future…but for now, i must be faithful and show good stewardship over something that belongs to someone else. i show respect for what i have been given to manage. my success depends on it.

if you are entrusted with another person’s property…be faithful with it. practice good stewardship and you will see benefits in other areas of your life. you really will. it will cost you but the person who owns the property whether a car, tool, business, home, etc. paid a price, as well, and their willingness to share is a great privilege. as you practice good stewardship, you learn to care for what you desire to own in the future…which is good economics.

what better way to say thank you. what a great way to turn things around for yourself so that you might just become the lender in your future.

life really is about relationships and there is a wealth of wisdom that can improve them and your life over all.

your success truly is connected to your stewardship.

take a responsible step

Posted on October 1, 2013 by Dee Clark

how to carry your load

Posted on September 27, 2013 by Dee Clark

“you will never be given more than you can bear.”

not very comforting, is it? especially when you feel the load is too great.

when carrying a load:

make sure you can see in front of you

take small, stable steps

do not twist

if too heavy, ask for help

if injury occurs, early treatment helps healing occur quicker

knowing your purpose is important. when i was in college, i was pretty focused on the end goal so i wanted to carry as many subjects as possible every semester. i always had to get special permission because the dean wanted to know that i could carry the load without loosing sight of what was important. he always wanted to make sure that i the load was not piled to high.

sometimes we take on too much. we think we are invincible. this adds unnecessary stress. make sure that what you are picking up does not impair your vision. make sure you can still see where you are going. if not, lay something down.

if you are in the midst if a stressful time in your life, you need clear focus to get through the task. you can pick up what you laid down later if appropriate.

understanding your goal or purpose will also help you not to twist, side step or get off track. you want to keep going forward. twisting or getting side tracked by the load can cause pain.

don’t get in too big of a hurry. you want your steps to be stable. secure your footing with each step. you need a strong foundation. review your life goals, values and purpose and stay true to them.

there are times when it is just not wisdom to go it alone. friends, family, and others who care about you can help you bear the load. asking for help is not weakness. it takes great courage. addictions, for example, find their power over us when they are kept in the dark. accountability is a great way to release some off it’s power. what is kept in the dark holds a tight grip on us. bring it into the light with someone trusted and get help. two are better than one…if one falls down, the other can lift him up.

preventive medicine is always the most effective, but in the case of injury, early detections improves the healing process. don’t wait. when i begin to feel ill, i head to bed. i rest and sleep it off. usually, i am better by the next day. emotional pain is sometimes more difficult but pushing yourself and continuing in an injured state is not the best way to carry your load.

we don’t have to end up in a broken state because of the load we carry. how we carry the load is important.

let me encourage you, that if you see a friend who is struggling beneath their load….that you can help them bear their burden.

love has 2 pleasures (and they don’t belong in the gutter)

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Dee Clark

love isn’t just an emotion. it is not a fantasy. it is not an unattainable mystery just outside our grasp. if you are in the midst of the search for love, you can easily attract love simply by loving.

do you want love?

then give love.

does that sound too simplistic?

it’s not.

love is not even a commitment. it’s not. or a contract. why? because in our society both can be broken and ended.

and love never fails. it doesn’t stop. it doesn’t end.

your relationship may have ended but real love does not end.

love is not a commitment; it is a covenant. do you understand that term?

it means…all that i am, all that i have, all in me that will benefit you and make you better-is yours for the length of my life.

Jewish history demonstrated covenant by having the two parties bring the best animal they had in their possession. there would be a feast to celebrate but first, the animals were prepared. as the blood flowed, the friends, business partners, alliances, or families would walked in a figure 8 (turn that 8 on it’s side and it is the symbol we have today for infinity) through the blood between the two animals. sounds gross. what it represented to them was that the blood was forever (to infinity) mingled together to the point that they could no longer distinguish what blood belonged to which animal. this was a way of saying, “we are one…there is no way to tell what was mine or yours…all i am, have and need are yours…all the you are, have and need are mine. we move together toward the same purpose. when you are in trouble-i come to your rescue. when i am in trouble-you come to mine. when i win, prosper and celebrate-you can, too. when you win, prosper and celebrate-i do as well.”

you don’t decide that in 5 minutes.

it is not a 50/50 arrangement, i give some, if you give some…and when you stop, i stop. and if you stop, i take my share and go home.

take the love between a mother and child. what will a mother endure in motherhood? i have seen many mothers endure endless heartache, pain and hatred from a child and still reach out a loving hand. tell a mother to walk away, dust her hands and finish her love for her child. will she? more times than not, no, she won’t.

our hearts break because we jump into what we fantasize love to be, commit and when it goes badly wrong -we are crushed. rightly so, our hearts were not intended to break in this way.

because in love (as a covenant), you don’t just walk away…if separation occurs, you are ripping yourself apart.

that’s a pretty good description of how it feels.

love then is the way passions (which can get out of hand on us) are tempered and restrained so that we are able to keep in focus what is truly important.

it corrects the sharpness of temper and sweetens and softens the mind, so that the heart does not suddenly conceive or carry for long vehement passion. it helps us drop our resentments and reconcile.

love has two pleasures; one negative and one positive.

negatively, it doesn’t take pleasure:

1. in hurting anyone.
2. in believing unsubstantiated rumours.
3. in wishing ill on anyone, much less cause it or laugh because it occurs.
4. in being spiteful, or delighting in someone’s faults or failings because it makes them look better.
5. in being entertained at another person’s sins, failings, grief or calamity.
Note: the height of hatred is to take pleasure in the misery of a fellow creature.

positively, it celebrates:

1. another person’s success.
2. in seeing someone do well.
3. in a person proving their sincerity, integrity and honesty.
4. in seeing innocence cleared.
5. in seeing trust established.

these are loves pleasures because in loving this way, you and i are loving as if we are loving ourselves…because that’s exactly what we ARE doing. love is a covenant that forever makes that person a part of us (think about a mother and child)…an extension of who we are.

now, that is not a fantasy…that, my friend, is the reality of what we all hope to find.

and the way we find it is not by being shallow, manipulative, and flippant with the concept of love to satisfy our selfishness…but by determining that we will live it, offer it and share it with all it’s responsibilities, restraints and stabilities…and when we do…love, really love…you won’t be able to prevent attracting real love in return! (oh, and when it’s called love but isn’t…you’ll recognize it so fast their head will spin!)

if your heart keeps getting broken, slow down. learn to love. look to Wisdom for the truest example of love. recognize the real thing and don’t accept a counterfeit…i promise, you will cry fewer tears caused by a broken heart. and you will be living a satisfied life really loving and showing compassion to the needy. you won’t have time to even think about swooning over a broken heart.

love has 2 pleasures…and they are worth developing…life skills for success. you can’t loose because love never fails!

thank you to those of you who have been sharing the love…posts. you all are awesome!

i guess, i’ll see you next time.
good night from NZ,
D

it’s not PMS

Posted on September 17, 2013 by Dee Clark

i know, before you even think it…this life development skill is a tough one. love…can be tough sometimes…but it is not touchy, or resentful.

let me just say before i go on that although this skill is difficult to develop at the start…it is probably one of the most effective skills to have under your life tool belt.

as a woman, we are emotional to the core. it can be far too easy to just go with it. yet, this one back fires on us continually if we don’t get it under control. not being touchy is only going to be successful if self-control is applied.

so, no more blaming PMS or guys, whatever you blame.

the topics i have been covering concerning love require a sensitive heart. however, being touchy is the polar opposite.

a touchy person makes you feel like you must walk around on egg shells. believe me, this makes the relationship extremely difficult.

a touchy person is never happy unless things go according to their wishes.

a touchy person indirectly intimidates others, causes a lot of drama, and often has meltdowns unless their needs are met.

a touchy person will use manipulation although they appear passive and compliant.

a touchy person often pouts and emotionally punishes those around them.

do you know this person? have you been this person?

remember, i often say, “hurting people hurt people”. if you are dealing with a person like this or are this person -it’s a pretty good indication that there are deeper underlying personal problems that the person (or you) are dealing with.

it’s like reaching out and touching a fresh wound. have you ever had a bruise, sun burn or wound that someone innocently smacks. you scream out. the person who smacked you may have been giving you a friendly pat and is shocked at the reaction. you, on the other hand, are reeling with pain all over again.

touchiness is like that. previous pain to the heart causes a person to be hyper-sensitive to what may not have been intended to wound.

since we have all been wounded before, it is possible that we face some touchy moments.

1. you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. if the wound is deeper than you know how to fix…there is help! don’t isolate yourself and remain in a painful state.

2. forgive. whether you need to distance yourself from an offender or not, forgiveness is necessary for the wound to heal, for real love to operate in your heart toward others, for peace of mind to return, and for touchiness to subside.

3. find the trigger that sets you off. if you can begin to objectively look at what causes you to feel touchy, it becomes easier to identify where self-control needs to applied.

following my abusive relationship, one of my triggers was rudeness and disrespect. there were times that i interpreted things as rude when it wasn’t meant that way. i had to look honestly at what really was rude and what i was perceiving that way. i also had to convince myself that NOT everyone was like my abuser just waiting for the opportunity to hurt me. it took time but with purposeful action, one step at a time, i was able to free my heart…and you can, too.

resentment will have similar affects. resentment addresses the injustice of the pain, i think. it is difficult to let go…but tying yourself to injustice only puts you in a prison to the offence.

moving forward and attempting to love others becomes almost impossible. i see it like a cancer. you think you can contain it to one area (the offender) but it slowly, stealthily spreads out even onto people you would never dream of wanting to hurt -children, spouses, family and friends.

are you sweating this one? i know! it’s a tough one.

and love takes no account of a wrong suffered.

there was a day that this made me gasp for breath. seriously. again, let me make it VERY clear…this DOES NOT mean you must endure abuse! you have a right to be treated fairly, appropriately and safely! i endured abuse thinking that i was required to just wipe the slate clean and go back for more. this is not what this means.

however, once i was no longer being abused and was healed (yes, i had to heal before i reached this step)…there was a day that my heart could move past the pain and live as if there had been no “wrong suffered”.

this is where we get the saying, love like you have never been hurt. what an amazing thing when we are able to forgive, release and heal enough to allow love to fill our hearts like we have never been hurt…at that point -resentment fades, touchiness ceases and we are truly living and loving the way we have hoped deep within the heart.

now, i’m touchy but it’s in a positive way…i can’t help reaching out and touching others in a compassionate way…and what a lovely reaction that brings. the world is searching for love…a love that is a safe place for their hearts. a refuge.

love has a cost. but aren’t we used to paying the cost for a worthwhile product…love is definitely good value!

i can’t tell you how happy i am that you have stopped by to read my blog. thank you!