Love Endures

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Dee Clark

love provides the mind fortitude and firmness. let’s face it, at times, it is tough to love. the heart and emotions weaken under the circumstances. love becomes a foundation that holds the mind firm to a higher standard than what the heart feels in the moment.

here we find the primary foundational keys: endure, believe, hope.

so many things in life require that we apply endurance. endurance requires the extra mile, going beyond what we want to do, going beyond the moment you think you have expended your last bit of strength. we do it everyday…on our jobs, for our health, for sports, for education, for pursuing success and many more things that we hold in high value.

faith and believing are also common. you and i get up each day and head to work believing we will be rewarded for our efforts. we believe our banks will look after our money responsibly. we believe that when we are sick, we can seek help from the medical profession. we sit down in a seat on an air plane and believe it is going to get us to our destination safely.

and hope…there is not much that we look forward to that does not require that we hope.

these are not strange uncommon concepts. we put them to use in many ways in our life.

why then do we think it strange that they are vital to strong, healthy, vibrant relationships. what’s the drama. it’s not climbing Mount Everest, or running a marathon, swimming the English Channel or investing $1,000,000.

of all the things we do…love can be the richest, strongest, most rewarding thing we do. it will provide the answer to the pursuit of happiness and bring great joy.

we don’t have to over think it.

love will work through issues with another person without attempting to expose the persons fault publicly. there are appropriate steps to take to repair an offence. those should be pursued first. love covers….it doesn’t expose. if legal responsibility must be taken, duty may require we practice tough love but for most issues…exposure should not be your first port of call.

love will believe the best…not the rumours. i have a rule of thumb for my life: if i hear it from the person themselves, i will count it worthy of believing. it’s important to give people the benefit of the doubt. you know, innocent until proven guilty. gossip is deadly. i have had people come to me and say, “so & so said this and that concerning you.” my response is always, ” before i accept that as truth i will talk to them about it”. that certainly stuns the gossiper. it also keeps them from telling me anything more because, i will check it out. i then will ask the person if what i was told true (without exposing the gossiper) and let the person know that if it is true, i am willing to apologise if i am wrong, willing to talk through the issue and attempt to resolve the situation. although, the person is normally shocked, i have been able to resolve conflict, prevent my heart struggling with hurt feelings and most times strengthen the relationship…with both people…the one who told me about the issue and the person who had the issue. if it was not true, i have cleared the question up for myself face to face. preventing a potential division.

choose to believe the best. “i am for you and you are for me”. you can work through the details with this fortitude of faith backing you up.

love hopes…hope has a wonderful way of inspiring us to keep going, to keep trying, and to keep growing.

there will never be the perfect relationship but you and i can hope that we can grow and build strong relationships that are fulfilling, enjoyable and fulfilling.

love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything without weakening.

if you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. you will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

-1Corinthians

the people in your life are counting on you…change the world for someone…be on their side…show them genuine love.

i am making the second part of my move tomorrow and over the weekend so i may or may not be around for a couple of days…depending on how quickly the Internet gets moved.

i’ll look forward to seeing you again soon,
D

Where Beauty is Carried

Posted on September 19, 2013 by Dee Clark

for me beautiful does have an appearance. it appears as

Respect

Sincerity

Kindness

Assurance

Peacefulness

Generosity

when i picture beauty in human form, i imagine Mother Teresa.

and my mom!

i am sure you know some beautiful souls as well.

the older i get the more i realize that “old school” may not be cool but man, are they beautiful!!!

…in a way we “new school” ones should aspire to.

grandma hugs may be in order about now.

beauty is carried in the heart and not on the face!

see you soon beautiful people!
D

love has 2 pleasures (and they don’t belong in the gutter)

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Dee Clark

love isn’t just an emotion. it is not a fantasy. it is not an unattainable mystery just outside our grasp. if you are in the midst of the search for love, you can easily attract love simply by loving.

do you want love?

then give love.

does that sound too simplistic?

it’s not.

love is not even a commitment. it’s not. or a contract. why? because in our society both can be broken and ended.

and love never fails. it doesn’t stop. it doesn’t end.

your relationship may have ended but real love does not end.

love is not a commitment; it is a covenant. do you understand that term?

it means…all that i am, all that i have, all in me that will benefit you and make you better-is yours for the length of my life.

Jewish history demonstrated covenant by having the two parties bring the best animal they had in their possession. there would be a feast to celebrate but first, the animals were prepared. as the blood flowed, the friends, business partners, alliances, or families would walked in a figure 8 (turn that 8 on it’s side and it is the symbol we have today for infinity) through the blood between the two animals. sounds gross. what it represented to them was that the blood was forever (to infinity) mingled together to the point that they could no longer distinguish what blood belonged to which animal. this was a way of saying, “we are one…there is no way to tell what was mine or yours…all i am, have and need are yours…all the you are, have and need are mine. we move together toward the same purpose. when you are in trouble-i come to your rescue. when i am in trouble-you come to mine. when i win, prosper and celebrate-you can, too. when you win, prosper and celebrate-i do as well.”

you don’t decide that in 5 minutes.

it is not a 50/50 arrangement, i give some, if you give some…and when you stop, i stop. and if you stop, i take my share and go home.

take the love between a mother and child. what will a mother endure in motherhood? i have seen many mothers endure endless heartache, pain and hatred from a child and still reach out a loving hand. tell a mother to walk away, dust her hands and finish her love for her child. will she? more times than not, no, she won’t.

our hearts break because we jump into what we fantasize love to be, commit and when it goes badly wrong -we are crushed. rightly so, our hearts were not intended to break in this way.

because in love (as a covenant), you don’t just walk away…if separation occurs, you are ripping yourself apart.

that’s a pretty good description of how it feels.

love then is the way passions (which can get out of hand on us) are tempered and restrained so that we are able to keep in focus what is truly important.

it corrects the sharpness of temper and sweetens and softens the mind, so that the heart does not suddenly conceive or carry for long vehement passion. it helps us drop our resentments and reconcile.

love has two pleasures; one negative and one positive.

negatively, it doesn’t take pleasure:

1. in hurting anyone.
2. in believing unsubstantiated rumours.
3. in wishing ill on anyone, much less cause it or laugh because it occurs.
4. in being spiteful, or delighting in someone’s faults or failings because it makes them look better.
5. in being entertained at another person’s sins, failings, grief or calamity.
Note: the height of hatred is to take pleasure in the misery of a fellow creature.

positively, it celebrates:

1. another person’s success.
2. in seeing someone do well.
3. in a person proving their sincerity, integrity and honesty.
4. in seeing innocence cleared.
5. in seeing trust established.

these are loves pleasures because in loving this way, you and i are loving as if we are loving ourselves…because that’s exactly what we ARE doing. love is a covenant that forever makes that person a part of us (think about a mother and child)…an extension of who we are.

now, that is not a fantasy…that, my friend, is the reality of what we all hope to find.

and the way we find it is not by being shallow, manipulative, and flippant with the concept of love to satisfy our selfishness…but by determining that we will live it, offer it and share it with all it’s responsibilities, restraints and stabilities…and when we do…love, really love…you won’t be able to prevent attracting real love in return! (oh, and when it’s called love but isn’t…you’ll recognize it so fast their head will spin!)

if your heart keeps getting broken, slow down. learn to love. look to Wisdom for the truest example of love. recognize the real thing and don’t accept a counterfeit…i promise, you will cry fewer tears caused by a broken heart. and you will be living a satisfied life really loving and showing compassion to the needy. you won’t have time to even think about swooning over a broken heart.

love has 2 pleasures…and they are worth developing…life skills for success. you can’t loose because love never fails!

thank you to those of you who have been sharing the love…posts. you all are awesome!

i guess, i’ll see you next time.
good night from NZ,
D

the simplicity of love

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Dee Clark

it’s simple and sweet…

be silly….
be honest….
be kind….

you’ll have the ones you love…eating out of your hands!

we make love out to be such an intense part of our lives sometimes…

yes, there is responsibility. there is!

but hey, you are responsible to brush your teeth everyday…the right way…when necessary…for your own good and health, right?

love is no different…there’s a right way…when necessary…for your own good and health…

easy, peasey!
D

it’s not PMS

Posted on September 17, 2013 by Dee Clark

i know, before you even think it…this life development skill is a tough one. love…can be tough sometimes…but it is not touchy, or resentful.

let me just say before i go on that although this skill is difficult to develop at the start…it is probably one of the most effective skills to have under your life tool belt.

as a woman, we are emotional to the core. it can be far too easy to just go with it. yet, this one back fires on us continually if we don’t get it under control. not being touchy is only going to be successful if self-control is applied.

so, no more blaming PMS or guys, whatever you blame.

the topics i have been covering concerning love require a sensitive heart. however, being touchy is the polar opposite.

a touchy person makes you feel like you must walk around on egg shells. believe me, this makes the relationship extremely difficult.

a touchy person is never happy unless things go according to their wishes.

a touchy person indirectly intimidates others, causes a lot of drama, and often has meltdowns unless their needs are met.

a touchy person will use manipulation although they appear passive and compliant.

a touchy person often pouts and emotionally punishes those around them.

do you know this person? have you been this person?

remember, i often say, “hurting people hurt people”. if you are dealing with a person like this or are this person -it’s a pretty good indication that there are deeper underlying personal problems that the person (or you) are dealing with.

it’s like reaching out and touching a fresh wound. have you ever had a bruise, sun burn or wound that someone innocently smacks. you scream out. the person who smacked you may have been giving you a friendly pat and is shocked at the reaction. you, on the other hand, are reeling with pain all over again.

touchiness is like that. previous pain to the heart causes a person to be hyper-sensitive to what may not have been intended to wound.

since we have all been wounded before, it is possible that we face some touchy moments.

1. you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. if the wound is deeper than you know how to fix…there is help! don’t isolate yourself and remain in a painful state.

2. forgive. whether you need to distance yourself from an offender or not, forgiveness is necessary for the wound to heal, for real love to operate in your heart toward others, for peace of mind to return, and for touchiness to subside.

3. find the trigger that sets you off. if you can begin to objectively look at what causes you to feel touchy, it becomes easier to identify where self-control needs to applied.

following my abusive relationship, one of my triggers was rudeness and disrespect. there were times that i interpreted things as rude when it wasn’t meant that way. i had to look honestly at what really was rude and what i was perceiving that way. i also had to convince myself that NOT everyone was like my abuser just waiting for the opportunity to hurt me. it took time but with purposeful action, one step at a time, i was able to free my heart…and you can, too.

resentment will have similar affects. resentment addresses the injustice of the pain, i think. it is difficult to let go…but tying yourself to injustice only puts you in a prison to the offence.

moving forward and attempting to love others becomes almost impossible. i see it like a cancer. you think you can contain it to one area (the offender) but it slowly, stealthily spreads out even onto people you would never dream of wanting to hurt -children, spouses, family and friends.

are you sweating this one? i know! it’s a tough one.

and love takes no account of a wrong suffered.

there was a day that this made me gasp for breath. seriously. again, let me make it VERY clear…this DOES NOT mean you must endure abuse! you have a right to be treated fairly, appropriately and safely! i endured abuse thinking that i was required to just wipe the slate clean and go back for more. this is not what this means.

however, once i was no longer being abused and was healed (yes, i had to heal before i reached this step)…there was a day that my heart could move past the pain and live as if there had been no “wrong suffered”.

this is where we get the saying, love like you have never been hurt. what an amazing thing when we are able to forgive, release and heal enough to allow love to fill our hearts like we have never been hurt…at that point -resentment fades, touchiness ceases and we are truly living and loving the way we have hoped deep within the heart.

now, i’m touchy but it’s in a positive way…i can’t help reaching out and touching others in a compassionate way…and what a lovely reaction that brings. the world is searching for love…a love that is a safe place for their hearts. a refuge.

love has a cost. but aren’t we used to paying the cost for a worthwhile product…love is definitely good value!

i can’t tell you how happy i am that you have stopped by to read my blog. thank you!

aspire to inspiration

Posted on September 17, 2013 by Dee Clark

you are the inspiration someone in your world needs…

and you may ever know what it is…

your flare, joy, hope, strength and maybe even your weakness…

will speak deep within their heart…

and make all the difference to their world!

aspire to inspire.
D

it never rains forever

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Dee Clark

where i live in Southland, New Zealand, it rains a lot. i’ve heard people say that the rain and resulting green grass are part of the reason that farming is so successful here.

even with the benefits it brings, the farmers don’t want it to rain everyday.

thankfully, it doesn’t.

be encourage that the rain comes for specific, beneficial reasons…

but it won’t always rain…

the sun will shine again!

and even if it’s raining on the outside, keep the sun shining in your heart.

love is selfless

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Dee Clark

isn’t it maddening when you don’t get your own way?

if there is one characteristic of love that we face conflict with on a constant basis…it would probably be that love is not full of pride.

pride -what a troublesome thing it is.

i suppose Mr Franklin was onto something. you know, even shy, timid, low self-esteem can bear the weight of pride deep within. i know because i grew up with an extreme case of shyness. do you know how much time i consumed thinking about “me” and how i would cope in differing situations? as well, how i would over compensated with a rotten attitude. maybe you are different, but sadly, more times than not this is the case.

i have a theory though. if we would treat those we “love” the way we treat someone we want to impress…pride would easily be put in its place.

think about it. when you go on a first date, you use your manners, use a lot of respect and watch what comes out of your mouth. if you attend an interview, you put your best “selfless” foot to the forefront (while selling your strengths humbly). if you meet with a respected leader, mentor or public figure…you are humble, kind and generous. in fact, even many strangers can attest to our ability to behave appropriately and selflessly.

Joyce Meyer gives an example of a person who is loosing it behind close doors. this person says they can’t help how they act because that is just how they are. she laughs and says she knows that isn’t true. because while this person is having a meltdown, if she were to ring the door bell, when the person came to the door and realised Joyce was standing there, they would immediately change the way they were acting and be sweet, kind and generous to her.

has that ever happened to you. you are in the midst of a tantrum (of sorts) and the doorbell or phone rings and all of a sudden you are calm, cool and collected?

i think we all might have been there and done that.

we get familiar with those who are close to us…those we love and are close to. by observing our behaviour with those we are not so familiar with, i believe we can begin to address prideful behaviours and change them.

pride causes us:

to be preoccupied with ourselves. what we want, why we want it, how we are going to get it, and who is responsible to give it to us.

to be preoccupied with our importance compared to others -whether we believe it is more or less.

to be preoccupied dominating situations and people in order to protect our pride and desires.

to be preoccupied with extracting what we need and our expectations.

i thought about the word preoccupation. preoccupation came become so second nature to us that we act sub-conscientiously and don’t understand when others feel our behaviours are inappropriate.

we all know the saying, “do unto others, what you would have them do unto you.”

we tend to quote it when someone is not being nice to us…and don’t want to know it when we are the one not “playing nicely”.

i take this thought a step further and say, “give to others what you give to yourself”. i am quite tolerant with myself. i go out of my way to take care of my needs (even when some of my needs are wants and pleasures). i give myself “my rights” and an expectation of respect. i even accept my own excuses for my failures, pick myself up and try again…without a lot of grief.

offering the same to others simplifies most relationships. remember, before i began this series of posts that i said in cases of abuse you -must understand that if your right actions are not helping to stop the abuse and you are not safe, you need to seek help.

if you look at the people around you, they are not all that different than you. they will be in search of selfless love, acceptance and belonging. sometimes the way we go about getting those things can be hurtful…especially, if our pride is driving us to extract them.

wisdom says that if you want love…give love. plant the seeds that will in time bring a harvest.

don’t be afraid to love like you have never been hurt. don’t allow a fear of not having your needs met cause you to act in pride to manipulate, dominate and attempt to extract what you want regardless of the cost to another person.

there is nothing as satisfying as selfless love coming our way…giving selfless love can be just as satisfying.

love is not full of pride. to love without pride requires intentional, purposeful action…action we can all take.

if you want to practice this…random acts of kindness are a great way to demonstrate love without pride. except…for this practice session…do it for someone you know…someone you love. maybe someone you know who has become difficult to love…see if, given sincerely, if it doesn’t begin to break down some of those walls of defence.

i’m pretty sure you will find that real love will make a real difference in the relationships you are committed to.

what the world needs is love? then let’s share the love posts…and work together to spread the word.

thank you for reading. it’s always nice to have you stop by,
D