love is selfless

20130916-213833.jpgisn’t it maddening when you don’t get your own way?

if there is one characteristic of love that we face conflict with on a constant basis…it would probably be that love is not full of pride.

pride -what a troublesome thing it is.

i suppose Mr Franklin was onto something. you know, even shy, timid, low self-esteem can bear the weight of pride deep within. i know because i grew up with an extreme case of shyness. do you know how much time i consumed thinking about “me” and how i would cope in differing situations? as well, how i would over compensated with a rotten attitude. maybe you are different, but sadly, more times than not this is the case.

i have a theory though. if we would treat those we “love” the way we treat someone we want to impress…pride would easily be put in its place.

think about it. when you go on a first date, you use your manners, use a lot of respect and watch what comes out of your mouth. if you attend an interview, you put your best “selfless” foot to the forefront (while selling your strengths humbly). if you meet with a respected leader, mentor or public figure…you are humble, kind and generous. in fact, even many strangers can attest to our ability to behave appropriately and selflessly.

Joyce Meyer gives an example of a person who is loosing it behind close doors. this person says they can’t help how they act because that is just how they are. she laughs and says she knows that isn’t true. because while this person is having a meltdown, if she were to ring the door bell, when the person came to the door and realised Joyce was standing there, they would immediately change the way they were acting and be sweet, kind and generous to her.

has that ever happened to you. you are in the midst of a tantrum (of sorts) and the doorbell or phone rings and all of a sudden you are calm, cool and collected?

i think we all might have been there and done that.

we get familiar with those who are close to us…those we love and are close to. by observing our behaviour with those we are not so familiar with, i believe we can begin to address prideful behaviours and change them.

20130916-221405.jpgpride causes us:

to be preoccupied with ourselves. what we want, why we want it, how we are going to get it, and who is responsible to give it to us.

to be preoccupied with our importance compared to others -whether we believe it is more or less.

to be preoccupied dominating situations and people in order to protect our pride and desires.

to be preoccupied with extracting what we need and our expectations.

i thought about the word preoccupation. preoccupation came become so second nature to us that we act sub-conscientiously and don’t understand when others feel our behaviours are inappropriate.

we all know the saying, “do unto others, what you would have them do unto you.”

we tend to quote it when someone is not being nice to us…and don’t want to know it when we are the one not “playing nicely”.

i take this thought a step further and say, “give to others what you give to yourself”. i am quite tolerant with myself. i go out of my way to take care of my needs (even when some of my needs are wants and pleasures). i give myself “my rights” and an expectation of respect. i even accept my own excuses for my failures, pick myself up and try again…without a lot of grief.

offering the same to others simplifies most relationships. remember, before i began this series of posts that i said in cases of abuse you -must understand that if your right actions are not helping to stop the abuse and you are not safe, you need to seek help.

if you look at the people around you, they are not all that different than you. they will be in search of selfless love, acceptance and belonging. sometimes the way we go about getting those things can be hurtful…especially, if our pride is driving us to extract them.

wisdom says that if you want love…give love. plant the seeds that will in time bring a harvest.

don’t be afraid to love like you have never been hurt. don’t allow a fear of not having your needs met cause you to act in pride to manipulate, dominate and attempt to extract what you want regardless of the cost to another person.

there is nothing as satisfying as selfless love coming our way…giving selfless love can be just as satisfying.

love is not full of pride. to love without pride requires intentional, purposeful action…action we can all take.

if you want to practice this…random acts of kindness are a great way to demonstrate love without pride. except…for this practice session…do it for someone you know…someone you love. maybe someone you know who has become difficult to love…see if, given sincerely, if it doesn’t begin to break down some of those walls of defence.

i’m pretty sure you will find that real love will make a real difference in the relationships you are committed to.

what the world needs is love? then let’s share the love posts…and work together to spread the word.

thank you for reading. it’s always nice to have you stop by,

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