3 ways to identify gossip

Posted on August 17, 2013 by Dee Clark

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute”, Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right”, Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,”,the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and …”

“All right”, said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary.”

“So”, Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well”, concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we filter so many impurities from the natural world- being careful not to allow anything into our bodies that would harm it.

our heart and soul would benefit from filtering…words and thoughts are a great place to start.

evil people relish malicious conversation; the ears of liars itch for dirty gossip.

-proverbs 17:4 (message)

The Difference Between Knowledge and wisdom

Posted on August 17, 2013 by Dee Clark

Knowledge and wisdom

There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit not a vegetable.

Wisdom is knowing not to include it in a fruit salad.
-unknown

Sometimes You Need A Break To Figure Things Out

Posted on August 16, 2013 by Dee Clark

i don’t know about you, but i really enjoy quite, alone moments with my thoughts. a little time out, relaxing so i can think without distraction.

they are so important when life is pressing in. if you recognise the signals before you feel the crushing weight- time alone in a quiet, beautiful place can make all the difference in the world to clear the mind and recharge the soul.

do you have a place like that? what else helps you relax and regroup?

i would love for you to assist me in putting together a list of suggestions. please give me some ideas in the comment section.

i’ll then compile them and share them with my readers.

i look forward to seeing what you come up with!

ready, set, Go…

thanks for helping me out!
D

Attitude Can Turn A Miserable Life Into A Party

Posted on August 15, 2013 by Dee Clark

misery or party…
your attitude will give you
one or the other.

The Best Kind of Love

Posted on August 15, 2013 by Dee Clark

reach…further and deeper within your heart. reach…for more chances to do your part. reach…for more courage, the soul it provokes. reach. Love awakens the soul.

precious heart gifts

Posted on August 15, 2013 by Dee Clark

don’t allow a familiar attitude to rob you of the exquisite miracle of love…cherish the ones who trust you with their heart.
it’s not a right…it’s an amazing gift.

don’t wear someone else’s armour

Posted on August 14, 2013 by Dee Clark

who’s armour are you wearing?

children find playing dress up a lot of fun. my granddaughter loves grabbing my shoes and walking around the house feeling big. wearing my winter boots is the most amusing…they cover her entire leg and she trips a lot because of the extended, unused portion in the toes. quite cute, though.

i find that even adults play dress up, of sorts, but doing so is not as fun as when we were children. in fact, wearing someone else’s armour (as i call it) can cause grief.

let me share this story with you then i will explain further.

there was a young boy who lived in Israel. one day his father sent him on an errand to take lunch to his soldier brothers. as he approached the military camp, he noticed a bit of a ruckus going on.

he watched curiously. before him was a massive soldier taunting his brothers’ battalion. his brothers and the other men did not look as brave and threatening as he would have imagined them to be in response. in fact, they weren’t doing anything but shaking in their boots.

his steps quickened, he didn’t feel his age, courage seemed to be building within him…bullying is just not right, something needed to be done.

he located his brothers and questioned, “what’s his problem? someone should put him in his place!”

his brothers’ laughed, thanked him for lunch and suggested he retreat back to his father where it was safe. frontline battle was no place for their kid brother.

in the distance he could hear the huge man yelling, “Come on, you cowards…is there not one of you brave enough to fight me! come on, let’s do this! get over here, i’ll wipe the floor with you!”

the taunting angered the young man, “why are you all just standing there? somebody do something. there is no way this guy can win!” no one replied. “then i’ll go! what’s the prize?” laughter erupted. “yeah, right!”

he went to the King who was leading the army and offered to go. he explained how he had successfully protected his father’s sheep from dangerous animals because his God had given him wisdom and strength.

it sounded pretty far fetched but, honestly, there was no one else stepping up to take this bully on. at the resistance of his men, he gave the order for the young man to be dressed for battle. in fact, the King would give him the best armour available…his. he would also give the boy his fine sword. maybe the boy’s blood would satisfy the angry enemy enough for him to retreat back to his camp for the night.

when the men finished fitting the boy with the armour, they presented him to the king. he was ready for this crazy plan. the king questioned whether he was sure he wanted to go through with the whole thing.

“absolutely! i’m not afraid! I trust my God to be with me!” he started to take a step and nearly tripped. the armed host roared in laughter. “i can do this but not with all this armour…it doesn’t fit…it wasn’t made for me. get it off me!!”

the boy laid down the sword, took off
monstrous armour and walked toward the battle field leaving all the men behind him shaking their heads in doubt, “he’s gonna get slaughtered.”

he didn’t, though. he took that gigantic man down -in his own clothes and using his own simple weapon. once down, he finished the bully off with his own sword.

his brothers and their comrades were no longer laughing…they were cheering for him. the enemy wasn’t laughing either…they were running.

who’s armour are you wearing?

are you wearing your own armour or someone else’s?

sometimes, we see what someone else is doing and think, “i should put that on and let it work for me.” the problem is that someone else’s armour (what works for them) was custom made to fit them and their situation.

what fits their life probably won’t fit you like it does them. you might stumble around and end up falling on your face.

you and i must be confident in what custom fits our life in order to achieve the best results.

my husband and i refer to this story often. we all know that men and women think, act and produce in deferring ways. sometimes, i think my husband should just suck it up and do things the right way…my way. 😜

however, he will say to me, “i’m going to go ahead and just where my armour on this one.” in other words, ” it might be a differing approach to yours but i’ll function better if i use my skills, my way.”

sometimes, i have to remind him of the same.

we all want to succeed. we may admire the success that others have achieved. we may be able to learn wisdom from their journey but we cannot put on their armour and it fit perfectly to our situation.

nor can we expect others to put on our armour and make it fit their lives. parents have difficulty remembering this when it comes to their adult children.

i have had times that i wanted my daughter to take my approach to raising her children or caring for her household. i have also had to respectfully take a giant step back and allow her to take my armour off and be free to put on what fits best for her.

we must trust the person to make their journey in their way using the special specific gifts and skills uniquely designed for them.

we also have to trust the same in our own lives. there are many things that i would love to do but i just don’t possess those specific skills, personality traits or talents. i love to laugh. i enjoy sitting with my witty brother and hearing what he comes up with off the top of his head. i laugh and giggle.

i decided one day that i’d give being a comedian a shot. i chose a handicapped person in the grocery store that i wanted to make smile…and i went in for the kill wearing my brother’s armour that I dearly admired.

i died out there…or probably should have!

firstly, i had terrible material, an inappropriate audience (an unwilling one as well) and my timing was way off. witty, funny or encouraging…those words do not describe my performance at all! i was more like a creepy weirdo. i wanted to crawl in a hole ( and should have!)

my armour would have been to stop, have polite, caring conversation and see if i could assist reaching something that they could not reach. that approach fits me better…works much better for me and people i encounter.

i learned that day that i have no sense of humor 😍 but i am good at offering kindness and a helping hand…and i should stick with that.

it’s difficult at times…

but truly, the best approach is…

wear your own armour with confidence and assurance…it will fit better than anything else you might try!

4 lessons i learned in difficulty

Posted on August 14, 2013 by Dee Clark

when we think of life development and personal development, we hope the lessons aren’t too painful or don’t last too long.

we were freedom camping at the end of last year as our summer vacation (remember December is summer in NZ). one of my favorite things to do in NZ is to collect river stones. as the week days passed, i had gathered quite a collection of stones. my husband wanted to know what i planned to do with them all. he also had no faith that I could get them home. i had no idea what i’d do with them (at the time) but…excuse me, i would get them home!

my husband thinks this is an unusual pastime and often laughs. i once filled my backpack with stones and then climbed uphill for a couple of kilometres to get back home with them. it was worth it to me. besides, think of the great work out I received. you see, i killed two birds with one stone…so to speak 😎.

when we returned home from our vacation, we came face to face with a business dilemma. we thought this issue would last a short while but it turned into a 5 month test of faith (remember i said in my last post faith = what i believe).

for 5 months following our vacation, those river stones served as a visual reminder to my heart of times in my NZ journey that looked hopeless but weren’t.

when wondering through the wilderness, Israel set stone markers up along the way to remind them of the miraculous help they received from God in hard times. i followed their example.

lesson 1: don’t forget that when there seems to be no way out of difficulties, that God has always provided.

it’s nice to quote to my readers that we grow in hard times but unless i actually face a few hards times -growth doesn’t occur.

so, i set up 10 little piles of stones to remind me that each step of the way, i had seen provision before and i would again. i braced my heart and told myself, “you can do this, D!” after all, it was just a small gap to bridge.

so i thought.

first month went by. uncomfortable but bearable. i felt strong and probably a bit cocky.

second month…i didn’t exactly expect the gap to be this wide.

each day, i would walk past those stones and tell my heart, “you’ve been through tough times before. there has always been a way.” i believed this to my core. yet, i was beginning to feel really uncomfortable.

third month…not only was the gap widening but other difficulties were surfacing. difficulties that were challenging my heart to grow.

lesson 2: when hard times keep coming, there are lessons still to be learned. i read this quote the other day:

i began to notice that my heart was seeing things differently, it was more sensitive. i realized that i was gaining a deeper understanding for what people in similar situations might feel. something i had probably over looked too easily or maybe even dismissed. i was gaining new insight and understanding. my heart was softening (& i hadn’t expected that it would contain any level of hardness).

lesson 3: to be beneficial to others, the heart must see clearly. if the heart is too “inward” focused, it misses opportunities to share its gift with others.

fourth month…everything felt at risk. circumstances were bleak. no real solutions were presenting themselves and loss appeared inevitable. uncomfortable no longer described my situation.

lesson 4: i was learning the difference between what i wanted and what i needed. there is a difference, you know. a funny thing happens when you are used to getting what you want and then don’t…you either act like an adult and distinguish the difference or you act like a spoiled brat. i learned the importance of the difference. whew! good thing because lessons you don’t learn the first time get repeated.

fifth month…i would have laughed at what kept coming but by this time it was either sink or swim.

lesson 5: there is a need to learn how to receive graciously so that the gift that others have to share with me is not refused. we need one another. i love doing things for others. i enjoying giving but i don’t always know how to receive. i received such amazing support during this time -reminding me that others have special gifts that they need the opportunity to share and express. that is difficult on the pride but then again pride isn’t necessarily a good thing…is it?

there were times the past few months that could have been devastating. there were times that could have brought great fear. there were times that could have produced hopelessness.

yet, they didn’t. Difficult? Yes! Hard to breath or think at times? Yes, yes.

we made it through. Again.

a bit weary but stronger and wiser. Again.

faith tested- giving a deeper understanding of what we believe and why.

lessons learned- producing growth, and hopefully a more tender heart.

time to reach out and give, help, share and live in a deeper, richer way than before.

sometimes…if there is no pain, there is no gain. the muscles need to be strained for strength to be produced.

the soul and spirit need the same…producing a more beautiful heart and a richer life.

…the process is not fun but is beneficial!

life is a journey of faith.

why faith is important to me

Posted on August 12, 2013 by Dee Clark

What is faith?

For me, it is a belief that I place my confidence in strongly enough to motivate me to put that belief into action.

I believe in marriage. I believe that I must be loyal and faithful to my husband. I believe that in my marriage I must give 100% of myself. I believe my husband will always put me first, think about me before himself and make my life happy and full. I place my full confidence in my marriage and I work at it with everything within me.

Great!

Except…1 out of those three beliefs has brought me pain in the past because it’s not actually a truth. True! I do believe in marriage (wholeheartedly). I believe that I have responsibility in my marriage to be loyal, not quit, be faithful, and give everything I have to give (I am confident of this as truth). However, I have believed that my husband would always put me first, never disappointment me and make me laugh daily so that I would be the happiest I could dream of being. Guess what? Not true. It’s a misplaced belief. It’s probably more like fantasy. Yet, that belief has motivated many of my negative actions that I am ashamed to say…have not been very admirable.

This happens to all of us. When we believe with our whole heart…we act. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Mistakenly, we believe that faith in something is good. It is when we believe truth. However, when we believe something that is not true, that is when we get into trouble. We all do it.

The problem with this is that once we put our faith into something and it doesn’t “work” (the way we imagined it), we have a tendency to give up and think that “faith” doesn’t work. We tell ourselves that we no longer believe…and we quit. That, my friend, is not faith.

Faith is a conviction and deep assurance and confidence. We all have faith. We do. The things, people and deities we believe in may vary but some are similar.

I have faith that when I hit the light switch, I am going to get electricity. I don’t even have to give it much thought anymore. I am a believer.
I believe that when I put the key into my ignition, my car will start. I jump into it and turn the key before I realize it most of the time. I trust that my car will take me from my home to wherever I am heading.
I believe that gossip creates a separation between me and the person I begin to talk about.
I believe that one day, I or people I love will move from this life to the next. It’s sad but it will happen. My granddaughter and I talked about death this weekend. She is 5 years old. It is not something she wants to believe yet. It is frightening to her heart. Nonetheless, death is a truth that cannot be changed.
I believe in gravity.
I believe in spiritual laws like sowing and reaping. My actions, words and thoughts will produce a result, every time! Period. Therefore, I believe my best chance for good results is to apply wisdom. I rely on the truths I find in the proverbs and the Bible. I also believe that I can learn from the wisdom that others might share with me…my parents have given me wisdom, my friends have shared wisdom, and I have mentors who have spoken wisdom that I can practice.
I also believe that there is a God. I haven’t always acted like I did. I haven’t always allowed my motivation to cause me to practice this belief…but I do know in the depths of my heart…that He is. Over the years, I have discovered that some of the things I believed about God are actually not true. Some of those motivations moved me to do some embarrassing actions. Some of those beliefs caused me to act like a spoiled little brat much like a child who has expectations of a parent that are unrealistic and then when he/she does not get their way they throw a tantrum.

I have had to examine, test, and try my faith (beliefs) weighing them for truth and work with what was inaccurate. Believe me there have been many. God has also tried my faith. Interesting. I have a totally new concept of what this means now. He is not trying me to see if I am faithful…He is trying what I call faith to see if it holds water….if it is true or not…if my belief works or is a figment of my imagination.

Why?

Because otherwise, I walk around with such a strong conviction that my actions and motivations are so right when all the while…I am believing something that is not actually based on truth and doesn’t work. So, my “faith” gets tried. When it doesn’t work…I want to quit. When what I should be doing is finding out where I am missing it as far as what I believe.

An example: if I put the key in my car and it doesn’t start, do I just get out of the car and say, “forget it, that thing doesn’t work. I can’t depend on it. This is just garbage. Why did I put my trust in this thing to take me to town?” No, I don’t. I actually begin to think, “What’s wrong? What have I done that might have caused my car not to start?” I then look to see if I can find an answer: did I put enough gas in it (or did I believe that I could go 5 more kms/miles)? Did I leave my lights on and run the battery down (did I believe that I didn’t have to do all the checks before exiting the car)? Did I misuse it causing a problem that I now need to fix (was I ignoring the safety rules and wreck the car)? Usually, unless the car is so old that it has completely stopped, there is something that I need to change so that I can get it going properly again. More times than not, I have practiced a wrong belief-I am notorious for believing I can get one more mile when the fuel gauge tells me it needs gas!

Faith is the same.

This is where I believe, just like the natural laws, spiritual laws are in place. They work every time. Without fail. (I know, pretty bold…but true). God would not be so meticulous about natural laws and not be meticulous about spiritual ones (the laws responsible for a healthy soul and spirit). Therefore, if I attempt to act outside of the spiritual laws IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR ME. So, my bratty little soul will then throw a tantrum and say, “This faith stuff does not work. I didn’t get my way. I don’t believe this rubbish anymore.”

Let’s take strife for example. Here are a few bits of wisdom about strife:

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone,…(quote from Paul to Timothy)
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. (quote from Proverbs)
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. (quote from Proverbs)
If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast … For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. (quote from James).

Whether you believe in spiritual laws or not; whether you believe in God or not, can you think of any times in your life that those quotes have been true?

I can.

I have believed (not consciously, but in actions), that I could get by with strife in my life. I have. I know I believed that because I have talked behind my bosses back (I was a whisperer). Come on. You have, too. I have also paid the consequences for it. I felt the pain when I was not trusted like I wanted to be by my boss(es). I have acted on jealous motivations and believe me…there was disorder and vile practices (I do not…I repeat, I do NOT like my jealous self)…I did not like the things I did because I was jealous about something. It was a misplaced belief that needed to be tried so that I could fix it. That is how faith gets tested and tired. Guess what, I no longer believe that acting out of jealousy is an acceptable behaviour for my life. I did not like what I “reaped” when I did. I have been through that test and I have a sure, secure, strong, stable belief that jealousy is not good, does not produce well and I want to stay far, far, far away from it. No one will convince me otherwise, I have had my faith in jealousy tested. The test proved to me that it did not bring the results to my life that make me happy, safe, peaceful and healthy. My faith in jealousy had to change.

The conclusion is not that faith did not work. The conclusion is what I believed did not work. If I wanted differing results…I needed to change what I believed in.

I have learned to believe that I do not have to get involved in every controversy…it leads to quarrels.

Sometimes, I offer advice. Sometimes, I join a conversation where I do not agree and I share my wisdom. I have learned; however, that, just like me, everyone on earth has the RIGHT to work their journey out to the best of their ability and gain wisdom as they go. Therefore, I can respect a person’s position, not judging them as right or wrong, and not feel like I have to be the authority in their life to make sure a change happens. Maybe, just maybe, I need to try my position in the conversation and see if it holds truth or not. I might be totally right (for my life…I don’t have to take their position as right for me) but I don’t have to cause a quarrel thus putting my relationship with that person at risk. I have found this to be wisdom. If I am quarrelling, something is wrong.

So, all that being said, I have had a very faith-trying 5 months. I would like to share my experience. Hopefully, you might find some of the things I learned inspiring. Join me by reading the next post if you are interested in hearing my “faith” story.

For today, I will leave you with the first thing I learned in these trying months:

“Not everything that I believe is truth for my life. I don’t know everything. I had a few beliefs that were not true.”

BTW, I thought I had learned this lesson…but…I learned I still have a lot to learn (you are so right, Maya Angelo).

The fun part, amongst the difficult parts I have gone through, is that I have had so much wisdom coming at me that does work and I am having a great time seeing the changes as valuable.

Let me ask you a question, do you have some things that you believe and practice that are not bringing you the kind of results you have dreamed of for your life? Here’s some Wisdom: Have an objective look (test/try them) before you reach the point of needing to have those beliefs tried for you…it’s much easier if you do the testing.

I hope you have a great week…it’s Monday for me…for those of you still living your Sunday…Monday is looking pretty good. Whew!

I hope to have you stop by again soon,