just when i think i’ve got it all together my mind blows my theory

Posted on June 4, 2013 by Dee Clark

The Spinning Dancer appears to move both clockwise and counter-clockwise (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

which direction is she spinning?

i was watching an episode of National Geographic’s, Brain Games this morning. on the show, they were explaining that the way the brain and eyes process information determines how the information is perceived. fascinating. what an amazing machine this body of mine is. complex and interesting.

the photo of the spinning woman. this is called a reversible or ambiguous image. because there is no depth cues…my brain can process the information so that i see her turning both directions. this boggles my mind. first, the creativity of the mind that created it. well done! secondly, it shows me another level of how my mind works. this mind that i have lived with all my life. the one that i have trusted not to lead me wrong. the one i reason with and so often am absolutely convinced that i have “it” right…whatever the “it” is at the time. right? don’t we argue black and blue sometimes that we did not put the keys anywhere else but on the table…they have a place and they are always in their place…except at this moment. so sure that i did not put them any where else. then, i’m doing something completely different, not even thinking about the keys and poof…there they are. i have a one second flash of the last moment those keys were in MY hands and i put them…(not there…i never put them there…why are they there?)…on the bathroom counter. now it’s coming back to me; my hands full, my weak kidneys screaming at me, and i made a mad dash for the restroom. i sat them down and forgot. ouch! problem is, i just knew that it was not me that moved them from their rightful place. UGH! i just hate eating crow…but sometimes, i get a big ole mouthful. i’m amazed. stunned. i just didn’t see it going that way. i was so sure.

Do you see a young woman or an old woman?

one of the experiments this morning demonstrated how our peripheral vision allows us to recognize movement such as someone walking up behind us or a car approaching but is not focused enough for us to pick details. a group of guys were to pick a cheerleading team for the cheerleader that was holding a huge sign with an “x” on it. it was revealed to the participants that more than 50% of the chosen teams were guys in cheerleader uniforms. i love a challenge so i was focusing my mind. telling my mind that it would not fail me and i would get this right…ummm…no, i didn’t. i picked guys for the cheerleading squad as well…even after i knew that there were guys in the line up. really?

then this:

the mouse on the table is broken.

and

the mouse on the table is eating cheese.

my brain attempts to find a picture of the word mouse so it kind of pauses until the end of the sentence where it can connect the concept with the picture it wants to give me so that i understand what i have read. then it zooms back to the word mouse and drops the picture so i can grab the concept.

my mind immediately took me to a conversation my husband and i had the first month i was in NZ. i asked him:

“would you light the grill for me so i can cook dinner?

he stared at me blankly…”how do i do that?”

really?

it’s a grill. who doesn’t know how to light the grill.

a grill resided in the garage…so, he has done this before. that look, though. i couldn’t understand. he was looking at me like i just stepped off an alien ship. what in the world? i walked him out to the garage, pointed to the grill…”this…light this”. he smiled and replied, “oh, you want me to light the BBQ? I can do that”. Da…!

what i didn’t know that day was that to my NZ husband a grill is what i (an American) call a broiler. the look…it was because when i asked him to light the grill, his mind could not register the concept of lighting the stove. when i walked him out to the garage, his mind processed and the light came on…”she means the BBQ”. we have had many hilarious and not so hilarious conversations that are similar. now, when we are communicating and the other person just isn’t getting “it”, we stop and ask, “wait, what does _____ this mean to you?” whew. has helped heaps.

my brain is like a computer processing my perception of life, words, pictures, songs, people through what i call “a filter” of my personal experiences, culture and gender. it becomes my understanding and representation of all things.

in the book of Romans in the Bible, i am told to “renew” my mind. a wisdom nugget. in light of what i have shared above, that means to me, i have to bring my mind up to date. when i am making my judgements about my journey and the people in my journey, what happened yesterday and the many days before are unrelated to the situation at hand today. i might need to apply a principle or learned lesson to the situation but i can not let my “filter” rule my actions and reactions.

skilful communication is so important.

understand the person or situation i am dealing with. differing genders, cultures, family traditions, educational backgrounds, even sibling order and personalities play important roles in how we communicate with other people and in varying situations.
listen carefully. it is important to make sure i am hearing accurately, not forming an interpretation in my mind.
request clarification. rather than making an immediate reaction to what has been presented, i need to feedback what i have heard and clarify that it has, in fact, been processed by my mind as it was intended. if my mind filters the information, this will help me get my mind up to date if it is wondering back to a place in my history in an incorrect way.
be open minded. it’s alright to allow myself to accept that “i might be wrong”. i often say, “i think i’m right but i might be wrong”. this allows me the opportunity to further process the situation. allow time to validate in my mind what is accurate.
maintain healthy boundaries. i need healthy boundaries for others and for myself. it is important for others to understand the extent to which i will go based on my value system. it just important that i have healthy boundaries for myself. using these boundaries around my value system, i can regulate and renew my own mind in order to keep me from going off on a tangent that jeopardize my well-being.

i struggled with bulimia as a young woman. i must make sure i don’t cross my healthy boundaries concerning self-image. an outfit that does not fit properly for my body type is not allowed to communicate to me that i am fat…ugly…and further. when i look into the mirror, i must understand that i have a history of looking at my body through the eyes of the bulimia. when i hear myself say, “that looks awful!”, i need to clarify the message. i must renew my mind to accept that i am at an acceptable, achievable weight. i must make sure that i focus the message being communicated through what i see in the mirror (and in my mind) is not the woman of years past. i have chosen the wrong outfit. my self-image is not under attack.

this can be applied when we feel lonely. the mind might communicate the message that we are friendless or that there is no one who cares for us.

when we make mistakes, the message might be presented that we always fail.

a tone of voice might present the feeling of being ordered around or controlled.

today is a completely new day. new lessons can be learned. decisions adjusted. changes made. new creativity experienced. our mind and how it perceives the stimuli coming it at it, needs to be weighed carefully. renewing the mind brings it update, to the moment in time where you are in your journey. understanding that things are not always as they seem gives us the freedom to take a new look, a new approach…live today to it’s fullest.

take another look…

…are you seeing what you think you see about your life.

here’s to renewed minds,

there is always hope beyond disappointment

Posted on June 1, 2013 by Dee Clark

look for the good…you will find it

be still…wait it out…it will be worth

there is help and hope beyond a broken heart…

* Believe*

you are so worth it!!!

the grain of sand in my shoe called disappointment

Posted on June 1, 2013 by Dee Clark

my brain understands that disappointment by definition is dissatisfaction resulting from unrealized expectations. my heart knows disappointment as pain that attempts to drag me to a black hole called hopelessness. it is a grain of sand in my shoe. annoying, painful, and distracting.

yesterday, life was happening. housework was getting done. my husband was bouncing his creative ideas off me like I was a wall he threw a bouncy ball against over and over and over again. lol. luckily, I’ve learned to cope with endless hours of creative business solutions coming at me. we were ticking off the “to do list” and feeling pretty good about it. then, the phone rang. i didn’t even have to hear the conversation, the change in my husband’s countenance told me volumes. disappointment. news of an unrealized expectation. i gasped for a breath as if i couldn’t breath. my heart thumped as if it fell several feet. then, there it was…the fear that maybe things might be too hopeless. an end might be near.

i’ve had a day or two like this in my 52 year journey.

a failed recipe, shrunken favourite sweater, speeding tickets, broken appointments, weather interrupted plans…disappointing but manageable.

a wrecked fender, an employment rejection letter, moving from my dream home…disappointing, more effort required to manage.

a devastating work place fire, divorce, a corporate take over or death of my fiancé after a drunken driver hit our car…disappointing and very painful.

when disappointments collide with my life, looking on the bright side or seeing the silver lining can feel next to impossible. disappointments, big or small, attract fear and negativity like a magnet. focusing on the positive can feel like the hardest thing in the world especially the big ones that are life changing. however, I have found that it is possible to focus on the good things in my life when i face loss.

here are some ways, i’ve found to make handling disappointment more manageable:

feel it…process the pain…but cancel the pity party. while feeling the let down or the pain of loss is not at the top of our bucket list, it is alright to let yourself feel unhappy. big and small disappointments bring a level of impact. experience the sadness that has come to your heart but don’t set up a perpetuating pity party that traps you on a path to lost hope. Don’t dwell there. experience the motion, take the time you need, then move forward. allowing the disappointment the power to hold you down is not beneficial. don’t let it hold you back for too long.
refocus…fix the blur…see the big picture of your life. no matter how impossible it might feel, it’s important to refocus through all the blur and see the disappointment in it’s proper perspective. easy to do if it’s a sweater that shrunk in the dryer or a speeding ticket. much harder to do when a tragic accident stills a loved ones life. don’t be afraid to reach out for help, a whispered prayer and help from loved ones or counsellors can assist getting your focus back. i have also found it empowering to remember the disappointments i’ve come through (my milestones)and all the things that are just as they should be…producing happiness.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can…” disappointment’s sting attempts to drag you into a black hole of helplessness. once perspective is refocused it’s easier to see potential for positive changes to prevent or lessen the disappointment. make the change if it’s available to you...and the wisdom to know the difference… if not, grab God-given serenity to accept what you can’t. keep moving forward.
can’t change some “thing”…but I can change me. by this time, strength is returning. hope for going on despite the disappointment is returning. changing how you look at the disappoint will give you more control over the situation. as perspective begins to refocus, you can begin to look at the disappointment in a positive way; “how can i use this in a good way to make my journey better?”
have faith…in yourself and the power of hope. faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. disappointment makes it easy to believe that situations are hopeless. despite the impact of this newest disappointment, you have the ability to believe for good things in your life. Believe in yourself. Hold to faith and hope.

today, after my disappointment from yesterday…i grabbed my camera and headed for a walk on the back beach. as I sat on a big rock reflecting. i began to take the steps above to process my emotion. when i was finished, i snapped this photo. i could see hardness. i could see ugliness (the rusty pipes). i could see the crashing waves that reminded me of the waves of disappointment. i could see the clouds. but i could also see the vastness ahead. the infinite possibilities yet to be discovered. the blue amongst the cloud. the beauty i could not deny. i whispered a prayer (maybe i begged) for help. i could see that maybe my blog might be insightful today. that the positive side of my situation might be that one of my readers be inspired to move a little further forward on their journey. i got up with renewed hope…renewed strength for my heart.

when i growing up, my dad was a minister. sunday mornings held traditions like Poptarts for breakfast, doning our best attire and heading off for sunday school. first of all, let me just say for a child attending school, more school was not my favourite weekend activity. disappointment would meet my heart at the very thought that my two day break from school was interrupted. to make matters worse, the school seemed to have a clear focus on history-Bible history. history was the one class in school i abhorred-even though as a kid i didn’t know what abhorred meant. although, Pop Tarts for breakfast helped-child logic (can you see the reason i did what I did? the reason behind my disappointment of having to go? there always seems to be an answer to- why do I do the things I do? Anyway, back to the subject at hand) if i was expected to endure school and a history lesson, i longed to find relevance. i was the child with the hard question. basically the bottom line question was, “nice story so what do i do with it?” i frustrated many a teacher.

years down the road of my journey, i found my answer. i have come to look at it as a life manual. it’s like getting a new kitchen appliance. there’s a manual (remember, i’m a beaver personality…i read them!) that manual tells me what parts are supposed to be in the box, how to put them together, the potential the machine has, cautions for miss use, potential dangers and suggestions, like recipes, to create something wonderful with it. i have found the Bible to be the same. (i’m not going to argue right or wrong with you if you disagree….remember, this is my blog about my approach to my journey…and it’s been very helpful for me). i’ve created some beautiful things by following the instructions i found there. i’ve also ignored the potential dangers & cautions about miss use…and found the manual was pretty spot on about results. I’ve also prayed quiet prayers that no one else in the world knew i’d prayed…and received answers.

i say all that to say that, i am not alone when it comes to disappointment. the Bible is full of people with disappointed hearts. they made it through and their journey has shown me that i can always reach for hope and faith and wisdom.

i can remove the grain of sand from my shoe and start to climbing my mountain…

i know you can, too!

thanks for spending time listening to my heart today.

Nothing is ever wasted

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Dee Clark

Never under estimate the beauty of survival

Impacts

Posted on May 23, 2013 by Dee Clark

do you remember the days of your youth.

when cares were far away. adventure was everywhere? plunging yourself, filled with hope, trust and expectancy was as natural as breathing. determination was strong. dreams were big. everything imagined must surely be possible. the journey was exciting and new, so much to learn, so much to experience. life was simple. when you were hungry, a request could be made and the need met. if you needed comfort, you would crawl up into the lap of a loved one and snuggle in…the world was better. life impacts are as easy to see as the impact of age.

in the movie, “the vow”, leo states, “Life’s all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever.” we all have them. we are all changed. those impacts drive “why we do the things we do”.

impacts like the tornado in Oklahoma. my heart, my thoughts and prayers go out to the families who have been impacted by loss due to this tragedy.

our lives are impacted in so many wonderful ways (and i will discuss that in another blog). i can recall lovely memories of impacts that were joyous. those impacts encountered on my journey gave me reasons i do what i do in relation to traditions, values, influential characteristics, the peace in my life and how i relate better to the world. it’s the unsolicited negative impacts that shake me to my core and often filter through my life in subtle ways changing the way i do the things i do.

results of a workplace fire where i worked

results of a fire at my workplace a few years back

waking with the world as it should be and ending the day with incomprehensible devastation sends shock waves through the heart. for me, although i live in NZ now where tornados are not common (and i sit in the safety of my environment),hearing the Oklahoma news causes me to relive my childhood memories of nights in the basement, standing on the patio petrified of the swirl of the clouds above, or shaking in my bed in fear of the weather warning on the nightly news. i know this pain. my hometown was hit by a huge tornado when i was in college. my mother and sister were driving in the path of this great monster cloud. my brother helped with the rescue efforts. the shopping center where i worked was in the direct path of the tornado (although i was not at work that day). massive destruction. i still long for the safety of a storm cellar or basement during strong winds even though the odds of a tornado are pretty much nil here. i am planning to build a new home in the coming years. being the planner that i am…i am starting now gathering all the ideas i hope to incorporate into this new home. my plan includes a full basement which contains a second lounge (oh, BTW that is NZ for den) with 5 bedrooms and en suites(bathrooms). i want this for my children and grandchildren to have a lovely place to visit. however, the subtle truth that lingers deep within my heart is that i want a “safe” place of retreat should it ever be needed. that subtle truth directly relates to the impact that living in tornado alley had on my life. impact. i think it’s the uncontrollable impacts that drive us to find a ways to control and prevent facing that kind of impact EVER again. following the earthquake in Christchurch, NZ a couple of years ago, many families moved to regions less likely to experience earthquakes. intuitively, we reach for significance, value, love, hope, dreams, wholeness, justice, and relief from pain.

i can’t remember a single day that i thought, “i need a little pain today”. right? my heart can be wounded without any effort of my own. natural disaster. accident. loss of a loved one. divorce. the list is actually overwhelming. i won’t pretend i understand why things happen. it’s a universal question. (i will say on behalf of humanity, hurting people hurt people. i know there have been times in my life during disparaging pain, i have been less than proud of some of my actions. a wounded heart sometimes lashes out as a cry for relief from the barrage of pain it is experiencing.) i will attempt to share a small part of my journey to recovery.

while my heart can be wounded without any effort on my part, recovery requires deliberate and purposeful action. it is a control that i can take in my own life. this is a process. everyone has a differing level of urgency in the pursuit of recovery. however, pain gets our attention and sets us on the journey toward recovery. causes a reach for higher, deeper, stronger meaning to our existence. i don’t like to feel pain. allowing myself to feel gives me understanding like a barometer or oil gauge guiding me to the need…the bottom line…where i need help.

following a negative impact in life, finding a safe place of encouragement and support in important. an instinctive response can be to isolate in hope of protecting the heart. loss of faith in God or the good of mankind tend to be the first and hardest hit. faith gets us through. in my life, i have chosen to have faith in God. i have needed faith in myself (i can be my own worst critic) that i had the strength i did not feel (give myself a break). i needed faith in the support from family, friends, my community and/or professionals. These components can be seen following natural disasters like the tornado in Oklahoma. Hearts prayed and cried out to God; a source greater than ourselves is so vital. Nieghbors and communities pulled together in support as they awaited the teams of rescue services and resources. support and encouragement surrounded the hurting. recovery, in small steps, could begin. these elements provide the courage to the heart to charge toward rebuilding life. Rebuilding is another process in recovery. tools are available to help a life to go on, survive, hope, live and thrive…restore.

i am reminded of the children’s movie, “the lion king”. following the oppression, the fire and devastation, there is a scene of the day when the sun rises, the grass begins to grow once more, and life is renewed and restored. no matter how completely despairing the day my seem, the sun shines again. growth returns, and life is evident once more. the heart will find wings and soar again.

i prefer celebrations. i prefer the joyful impacts rather than the painful impacts. however, when necessary there is a way through the pain. i know by experience this is truth. i have the scars to prove it. the scars are there to remind me how courageous i was. that i did heal. the pain and tears are past. joy has returned. i am stronger.

again, my prayers are with Oklahoma. my hope is for a speedy recovery to the wounded both in body and soul. i trust the rebuilding process is productive toward producing new dreams and accomplishments. i am sure the effected communities are grateful for the support from far and near as they work toward brighter days.

“Life’s all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever.” as you face your moments, may you find courage and strength, hope and love, faith and assurance.

Thanks for stopping by,